The Good Life

I've Moved! The Blog, That Is...

2011-08-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

Scott helped me move the blog onto our home server, and I am cooking up some catch-up posts with actual photos. I know, it's been all text and no play. So check it out! The Good Life is now at www.ScottnMary.com. See you there!

Updates

2011-07-21T12:11:00.000-07:00

Okay, so everything is changing at lightspeed right now. Which is ultimately okay, I am just trying to separate out what is good for our family, in regards to Scott's work, and what we just want to do (which is stay put). If I had to narrow down my goals in life to one tagline, it would be: Be Brave. I just want to be brave and have the courage to change, and live, and grow, and make the tough decisions. I want to be brave enough to choose love. I want to be strong enough to swallow my whining and do the work. I want to be brave and not run out and try to "save" other people when I am afraid. I want to be strong enough to drop the things that aren't important, or that do more harm than good. Be brave enough to make good choices, even when that is hard.

But sometimes figuring out what the right choices are is complicated, and deciding whether taking risks with Scott's job is brave or just childish is a tough one right now. It's also hard to know whether we are, in fact, taking big risks or simply doing the next right thing for us. No idea right now.

The job in San Diego is not really open yet, is what they are telling us. Scott's end date here and their start date leave a gap in the middle that needs filling. How we want to handle that is the current debate. We need to handle that gap with care, and the other people on Scott's team and their best interests are also in our hearts. We may not be able to jump on that opportunity at all, especially when you weigh it against perhaps being able to stay here (which is such a gamble), it all feels a little overwhelming.

I don't want this wavering over when we may need to relocate, or how, to stop me from changing the things I want to change. I want to move out of this house. I want to have another child. Those things are going to take huge amounts of work and stress, and I don't want this Hokey Pokey game with Scott's job to make us feel like we can't handle our life at home. Because ultimately, our family is first. So we either need to do the safe thing (which isn't our ideal choice) because it will lighten the stress on our personal life, or decide that we will take it on and be fine with whatever happens. Be brave enough to do the work (move with kids, deal with ambiguity and risk and toddlers) with the hope that we will get what we want out of it, which is to live here on the Central Coast. Or in San Diego.

Anyway, blah blah. The simple obvious truth is that I am severely tired. We will figure this out. The other update is that I am figuring out the blog and it will be up and functional with pictures, as soon as I get some time and energy back. It's in the works.

Think pretty-blog thoughts! Be back soon.

Ch-Ch Changes

2011-07-12T15:54:00.000-07:00

Change is in the air. I am such a planner, I like to think I can only deal with change if I've prepared myself, and consequently, I am compelled to know every detail in advance. I've come to accept that this is neither realistic nor possible, but still. I can't help but get antsy anyway! Especially when you hear all of the open-ended, who-knows-maybe type of stuff we have going on. You will understand. Here are some of the changes bumping around my head.

1. Scott's Work Contract Ending
This is the biggie. Maybe I should have put it at the end, because the other things on my mind pale in comparison. To clarify, Scott's contract has been ending since he got the job six years ago. We have had one close call in the years past, where we thought we may need to relocate, but this is pretty serious. It's getting close to the end of the project that Scott works on, (close as in, early September) and the opportunities for more work coming to that site seem to be coming and going, with nothing really taking off. As much as we want to stay in the area, everyone knows that jobs around here, in Scott's field, are slim pickins. We were very blessed to find Lockheed and they are a great employer. So we just have to wait and see what happens. More work could be earmarked for the site here, or we may have to make a move- perhaps a drastic one. It's a strange time, but I'm kind of excited. I love my friends and I love my location, but we will just have to wait and see what's in store for us. I hate the wait and see part.

2. More Kids? When?
We go back and forth, haven't decided whether we want our kids close together, or farther apart. Pregnancy was no picnic for me, so as much as I want more kids and sometimes want them all in one batch- it's tough to actually pursue being pregnant again. No thanks. Can I have someone else do it? Scott is still mostly in a one-kid state of mind, but if/when he does want more, he wants me to carry them if possible. It's just another part of my life that will definitely change, but the timeline is up in the air. Fun.

3. We Need to Move
We have definitely grown out of this house and are itching to get into something with a more open living space and a less strange layout. Not to mention another bedroom would be greatly appreciated. It's a shame, though, as I really love our location. Driving down the hill to our house, the ocean is everywhere, it takes my breath away. I feel very attached to our little community and am hesitant to leave it, for any reason. But, we spend a lot of time at home, and it's just not going to work for us much longer. Plus, if we stay in the area, we could afford to live more comfortably just a few miles closer to where Scott works... if he still works there, of course.

4. Blog Changes
I have reached my photo maximum and have to figure out how to proceed. I can clean out my archives, but obviously that's a short term fix. I can switch to a new host, or host it myself, or I can try out the advertising thing, to try to pay for more space. I don't know but I need to talk it over with my technician (the hubban) and figure out an answer, but until then, no more photos. Boo. I know. I promise I will try to think fast, and I love to blog, so no fear of me disappearing.

Okay, all! Think good thoughts about me figuring out the answers to all these questions asap. Just because, I'd like to know now. Or at least sooner rather than later. Or... now.

Our Beautiful Growing Boy

2011-07-09T21:13:00.000-07:00

Happy Weekend! Just checking in with some photos that I love from this week. Ben has been up and down lately, mood swings all over the place. Sometimes he will sleep easily, wake happily and learn in leaps and bounds. Then there are days like today, where he wakes up crying and his patience is short for the rest of the day. He wants to walk and crawl now. A toy being just out of reach is enough to make him start crying. Poor kid.

One more beauty from swim class on Friday. Happy guys.

We went out to dinner for our fifth wedding anniversary last night. It was a beautiful dinner, at a restaurant posed right on a cliff in Shell Beach. We waited on the balcony, watching the waves crash into the rocks, talking about parenthood and whatever came to mind. Our table was in the middle of a wall of windows, where we could watch the sunset while we ate. It was sublime.

Geez I love this kid. Even when he is acting bipolar. Check it out- cheerful...

Pouty. Two seconds flat.

These are some shots of last week's Super Baby Squad play date, at Colleen's cute house. It is so great meeting up with them every week, I think I would go crazy without Ben and I spending some time with our friends. Especially a nice big group. Amazing food doesn't hurt, either!

Niccole and Landon

Elena and Julie... and a gaggle of babies.

Scott and I are in bed, watching X-Men 2. Can you believe I can blog at the same time? Probably because it is scaring the heck out of me. In a good way, though. My sister is on her way to visit right now, I'm so excited to see her! Scott is taking care of the boy tomorrow (he golfed all day today)- what do you think we should do?

Top Three

2011-07-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

Strange thoughts while feeding Ben:

1. So glad we accidentally bought a real wood table. Because Ben likes to chew on it. I hope they also accidentally used a lead-free stain. No seriously, I can't get him to stop trying to eat the table.

2. Scott was opening jar after jar of baby food, when Ben was especially ravenous (and I hadn't cooked), and he commented that he may as well be feeding him one dollar bills. Maybe one dollar bills coated in sweet potato.

3. So this morning I started singing "Forever Young" in my head while I was getting ready to feed Ben. To answer your burning question, I have no idea if it was the original or the remix because I was just singing the chorus over and over again. After breakfast I turned on 30 Rock and they started playing the song- so clearly, I am now psychic. Probably not in a way that is useful.

Actions that have led to my obvious feelings of superior intelligence:

1. Choosing a new carseat with care. This kind of attention to detail is important. It ensures that his next carseat will include a cup holder. However, it does not ensure that the carseat that you had shipped to your house will be able to be installed rear-facing. Extra points if you are informed of this by the police officer attempting to install it in your car. Nice.

2. Choosing age appropriate products for my child. We have a bunch of level one nipples and one level two nipple for Ben. One day it took so long for Ben to drink his bottle that he just plain gave up. Not ever thinking about this we finally looked it up and realized that for his age he should be using a level four. We got about six of them, loaded one up, and he immediately drowned his own eyeball in milk. Hmm. Back to our single #2. We use it for every bottle. I could probably go to the store and buy more.

3. "Home" Making. We have the "water guy" (water softener) and the gardeners (a new and much appreciated addition). They both come on Thursdays. However, we can't figure out which Thursdays are which, and for whom. There is more than one morning I went running down the stairs without so much as throwing a robe on, to unlock the garage door just in time for the water guy. The first month we had the gardeners, we called them, all concerned that they didn't show that day. Their response was... they came last week. Seriously. It's a good thing the biggest thing I have to manage is a house.

Marital Bliss Times Five

2011-07-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

From the beginning he put me first. We are a team.

He is hilarious. Every so often he will say something when the room has fallen quiet that sets us all laughing. Especially at home, he is always cracking me up. He has a special talent for poking fun at the wife, I think that's where he gets his best material.

He likes to cuddle with me even though he says I'm like a heater. The only part of him that ever gets cold are his feet.

He says the best part of being a Dad is the cuddling. He likes to take naps with Ben on the couch.

I love that he had details he wanted when it came to our wedding. He wanted me in a big white dress, he wanted a veil. See more about that in my big wedding post.

I love that he chose the song for our first dance as husband and wife. We didn't have a song that was significant to us when we were dating. Broken Road by Rascal Flatts came on the radio one night as he was heading home from work and he said it made him think of us.

I love travelling with him. I just love that he always remembers things that I forget, and has a talent for noticing details and checking things in advance. He just makes everything that much easier. We both like the same kind of travel- a little bit of planning and a lot of flexibility. Scotland and Ireland, that was an epic adventure. We had such a great time together and saw so much. In addition to being crazy for each other, we truly are great friends.

Fourth of July in DC can't be beat. I love that we were both as excited as a couple of fifth graders to be up on a roof in DC watching fireworks. There was even ice cream! Ryan Yates may as well have been a movie star, the doors he was opening for us that night. So much fun.

Plus, I love that before we had kids, and we would stay with friends- he would play with their kids, and jumps in to help. He will read to them, help them get their shoes on, play made-up games with them, whatever.

I love that we have a system for shutting down the house when we go to bed. Hehe, yes, really. There are a sequence of lights that are turned on and off in a particular order, doors locked, things gathered. If he is first into the bedroom he never remembers to turn on his lamp, but that's alright. It's pretty ridiculous that we go climb in bed together at the same exact time and wait for the other person to finish what they are working on so we can turn out the lights and cuddle up together, too. I love it, it's cute.

Getting pregnant- now that was a challenge. I am so proud of us for getting through that with very little strain on our relationship. It's a heavy thing to go through and I know there are strong bonds out there that have been battered and broken by infertility. It was tough but it made us stronger and ultimately, happier. We learned a lot from that journey and Ben is such a sweet reward.

I love that he sings to our baby.

I love that he takes care of the cats and gives them medicine when they need it.

I love that he can take care of Ben for an entire weekend with no fear if needed.

I love that I can tell him absolutely anything. Anything.

Happy Anniversary, Babe. Five more seems easy. A lifetime doesn't sound long enough.

This is our happily ever after.

Happy Summer!

2011-07-07T19:29:00.000-07:00

I hope you guys are out and about in this gorgeous weather! Well, it's gorgeous here, anyway. The perfect temperature for shorts or a skirt, the skies are clear, even here at the beach! I think I may get a book or something and take Ben to the beach. Who knows, maybe I can get some friends to go with me.

In honor of summer, I thought I would include some photos from swim class that I took last week. The batteries ran out just before class started, which was a bummer, but I still got some cute ones. I was in such a foul mood right before we left, but seeing how happy Ben and Scott are at swim class never fails to have me back to my chipper self in no time. It's so stinkin' cute, all those babies flapping and splashing around. It would make anybody happier. It's like petting puppies in a pet store.

I think its so adorable how amped up he gets right before he "jumps" in. Arms out to his sides like airplane wings, jaw clenched, everything quivering with excitement and anticipation, and then, when Daddy says three.... squinch face!

Whew! Fun! They do this over and over throughout the swim lesson, and he loves it. It's pretty amazing to watch him go underwater and blink off the water like it's no big thang. What a big boy.

Speaking of, this big boy just turned ten months old. He is so darn cute. He can pull up and cruise all over the living room. It won't be long now before he is toddling around getting into everything. He has special interest in things with sharp corners. Yippee.

Five Years Ago...

2011-07-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

My sister graduated from highschool.

I was so proud. She has since finished her bachelor's degree and half of her graduate degree. In just five years. Unbelievable.

Five years ago I had the most amazing bachelorette weekend in Lake Tahoe. Epic.

Five years ago we bought our house. We've since redone the front yard, but the rest is still home sweet home.

And five years ago, we got married. It was a very busy and wonderful year, and I think about it all the time...

It's a Simple Life

2011-06-30T08:20:00.000-07:00

It's been pretty quiet around here, and for the most part we have just been hangin at home, solidifying a routine and trying to get into the habit of being active every day. So, I am working on a Top Three for July, but in the meantime, I thought I would update you on our latest photos and happenings:

I've been a little obsessed with these rise overnight TJ's croissants, don't they look yummy? I couldn't wait, I ate one before I even grabbed the camera.

I love these faces he makes, they are just hysterical!

On a beautiful morning last week, Ben just didn't want to say goodbye to Daddy. When he walked away from his crib that morning, he cried out for him! When Scott left for work, I opened up the front door so that he could watch him pull away.

And then he waved goodbye! So sweet. I wish Scott could have seen it.

We got Ben a new highchair awhile back. It's just like the restaurant highchairs, except that it's stain is dark and it matches our dining set. It was only forty bucks at Target and the height is perfect. He pulls right up to our table and he loves that. We have family dinners together at about six every night and we try to give him what we are having, plus a bit of baby food to fill him up, he's quite an eater.

This last weekend we headed up to the Bay Area for a wedding and Ben stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for the evening. We had a wonderful time out together and I know those three had a ball, too. Ben has gotten to the age where I would bet that he even recognizes the smell of his grandparents' house. When we bring him in from the car and transfer him into the playard, he just rolls over and goes right to sleep until morning. I think he knows exactly where he is and if he wakes during the night he isn't afraid. He is all smiles when he sees his grandparents and immediately lets them take over.

We had a great time at Mike and Renee's wedding. It was beautiful, and fun, and the food was delicious. I even got Scott out on the dance floor! So we have been having a wonderful couple of weeks.

This week, Ben is extremely fussy even as he is making huge leaps and bounds learning how to crawl. No matter if he has a clean diaper and a full tummy, he is just fussing the whole time he is playing. His teeth are all in, so who knows what's going on with him. He must be having some growing pains. Mama is having some growing pains, too, now. He is so darn cute, though, I think we will get through it. Hope all of you are enjoying your summer!

Night Rider

2011-06-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

I love to travel. That being said, I am not a seasoned world traveller by any stretch of the imagination. I've been to Europe twice in my life, and loved it each time, but that's it. I can't even claim to have seen more than a handful of states in this country. But California? I know California.

image from here

Among other routes, I used to drive I-5 from the central coast to Chico, over and over for a couple of months. This was about ten years ago. My car didn't have air conditioning. I would buy a gallon of water and put it behind the passenger seat. Every twenty minutes or so I would grab it by the handle and slosh it over my head, drenching my hair and the entire front of my body, plus the cloth seat. In the dry heat of Sacramento traffic, everything would be dry in about fifteen minutes. However, with all the windows rolled down, you had fifteen minutes of homemade air conditioning!

Understandably, now my favorite time to drive long distances is at night. Despite the fact that I now have air conditioning. I love the community of drivers on the road in the evening. They are mostly long distance drivers, they aren't late for work, and they are more generous than daytime traffic. I love the colors of the evening, my favorite time of day. The silvery metallic blue of the flat freeway, sparkling like a mirage where it meets the glowing horizon. The Salinas river, carving out the landscape like a bright mirror laying in the dark. The headlights sparkle like Christmas lights as the stars start to emerge and the moon rises. Long distance driving is one of the activities that seems to force me to live in the moment. I do my best thinking on the road at night.

image from here

One of the best things I learned from Al-Anon, a support group I belong to, is the metaphor of the rear view mirror. Examining your past is good, and looking to the future is good, but only in short glances. Staring into it for too long is as dangerous as never looking at all. A few glances every so often is just right. I always think of this when I'm driving, for obvious reasons, and I take that opportunity to think about my past, my future, and if my present life is everything I want it to be.

Life for me right now is both peaceful and exciting. I have never felt so aware, empowered and blessed ever in my life. With my husband tapping away on his laptop, my baby fast asleep in the backseat, it feels great to sink into that cozy feeling of fulfillment. Or is that just my seat warmer?

A Date to Play

2011-06-20T06:28:00.000-07:00

Ben and Matti playing together is so fun. Basically they try to hug slash bite slash grab each other constantly. It's kind of been like that since the beginning. Here they are doing their normal thing. We are pretending that Matti just wants to give out some kisses. We are all on board with that version of things. They are good friends. What's wrong with a little grab or a nibble between friends? Especially if you're nine months old.

This was our first of a string of summer playdates with our Super Baby Squad (as we fondly dubbed our Facebook group). Four of us started hanging out when the babies were really little, and then our crew expanded three times over when we started a Mommy and Me class. We have a great group and since we kind of dropped out of class for the summer (lots of mobile babies, a small space that seemed to be getting smaller) we started up a weekly get together on Thursdays.

Taking turns grabbing the same toy. Just to have it. Because the other kid had it. The baby equivalent of tweeting. Or online shopping. Maybe a combination.

It's actually kind of mezmerizing. Plus you have to watch with one eye anyway, in case your kid tries to pull an ear off of somebody.

Check out those eyelashes! Why do boys always get the great eyelashes? My sister and I complain of this often.

Meanwhile Ben is fixated on Jess's buttons. I swear we are having meaningful adult interaction while all this is going on. I won't lie and tell you we were discussing politics and current events, but there was food! I know, trust me, you wish you were there. Enchiladas and sour cream, guacamole and brownies... it was heaven. I should have photographed the food.

But I was pretty taken with the cute babies crawling everywhere.

Ben reeeeeally wants to crawl like the other kids. He is so close.

Elana, such a smiley, happy girl!

So here is where Cindy put us over into the Playdate Olympics. She brought scrapbooking papers and tools and inkpads to do hand/footprints for Father's Day!

Incredible foresight was not possible just months ago. We are evolving into the kind of moms we only once dreamed about being. The kind who can wrestle fat hands and feet with ink all over them in the name of tearjerking, priceless memories! It was super freaking cool to bring home frameable, giftable prints. So cool.

I did his feet, too, but haven't gotten a photo of that yet. They came out beautifully.

Yes, my mom friends are all kind of lovely. Makes a girl want to brush her teeth and get her hair cut once in awhile!

Cutie pie Rollin!

This is one of my favorite things about Ben. If he wants a nap, he will fall asleep in a tornado. I love that. The babies are just starting to really enjoy playing together, and thats great. But pretty much these dates are for the mommies. It makes me feel sane to listen to everyone else having the same worries, struggles and joys. I can't wait for the next one- beach day!

Lazy Weekends

2011-06-17T16:04:00.000-07:00

Brace yourself for a wild and exciting peek into our lives! My favorite type of weekend is the one with no plans. Or maybe one barbeque planned for Saturday, but the rest is just ad lib. These are the weekends we are most likely to jump in the car and drive around. I love running errands with my boys on the weekend. It's just as relaxed as being at home, but we get to explore and get things done. Ben calls Grandpa from the back seat, Scott holds my hand, I smacktalk about other drivers even when I'm not driving.

This is Scott after admitting he was going the wrong way. Hates being wrong. I told him to make his best "I'm lost" face and he wouldn't do it. He didn't want to be caught on the blog in front of you nice people. I caught him pulling this move a bit down the road. "Gotcha!"

We usually get some good catching up done in the car, on the weekends. We talk about why Ben has been waking up the last few nights, whether we should buy a new carseat, hire a realtor, and are we spending too much on groceries? During this trip, besides returning a dress to Old Navy (and ahem, buying more stuff...) we drove around listening to a parenting CD my mommy group had given me and comparing notes. Pretty much I trapped Scott in the car. Captive audience. But still, he listened and made comments. Awesome guy that he is.

Scott killed the last keg of beer in our kegerator last week, so we were off to get some brewing ingredients from Doc's.

Ben loved trying to open those lids with his fat little hands. Super cute. So after our fun little stint around SLO (with a detour or two for no reason- still fun) we came home and lounged around the house, just the way we like it. This is one of my favorite pictures of all time below- for some reason the mundane, everyday, constantness of this subject matter cracks me up. Smell for poopies. What a life.

How cute are his little kicky legs? Please excuse my husband's weekend wear. I prefer him this way, but you know. I love him. So this weekend is Father's Day, Scott's very first. He's got a tee time (but of course) on Saturday and then Sunday I figure I'll just wait on him hand and foot, that should work, right?

Pretty glad there's a holiday about him. He's hot.

Have a great weekend!!

Baptism Day!

2011-06-15T08:40:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful day, and went by like a blur. So many wonderful friends and family came out and showed their support, I wish I had an hour to talk to each of them. We got to catch up with a few that we hadn't seen in awhile, like Mike and Renee, so that was special, and we even ran into Deauna at church before the service! {all photos by Kerry Ko}

Ben loved it, no problems with the water, he seemed relaxed. Immediately afterward he took a nap. He loved seeing everyone smiling back at him from the pews behind ours.

A big thank you to everyone, there are a couple straggling thank you notes (address issues) but they are coming!

All our love.

Dear Ben

2011-06-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Ben,

Saturday night we left you with a babysitter for the first time. When we got home she said you had some trouble going down to sleep. You woke up to the sound of the garage door and I went running up to get you. I love spending time with your Daddy but I missed singing to you and tucking you in. It was wonderful to feel you melt against me and relax to the sound of my voice. You went instantly to sleep and stayed peacefully quiet in your bed until morning.

You laugh little hiccup laughs when Daddy lets you touch his hair. He shakes his head around and you think this is so funny. When you two nap together your straight wispy hair goes all different ways for the rest of the day, like the spokes on a bicycle wheel. You say Da-Da-Da all day long and forget how to say Mama.

You know just what to do with each of your toys, but you never seem to get tired of them anymore. The ring stacker is for chewing, the rings are for drumming your drum, and the shape shorter is for launching little plastic squares and triangles under the couches where Mama can't reach them. When I pick one up and tell you it's purple, you look joyous and flap your little arms.

You still love it when I sing to you and you immediately look around to find my eyes with yours. Your face is complete fascination and seriousness. And you want to take my lips off, but you're getting better about that.

You talk to us all day long. I wish I could memorize all the funny sounds you make and the sound of your sweet baby voice. We have short, one-syllable conversations. I try to pretend you are actually speaking English.

I know you are supposed to be learning things like cruising and scooting, but it still looks like the seventh world wonder when you start doing something new. It always feels so sudden.

I wish I could explain how excited you get about grown-up food. When we let you have bites from our plate, or make you your own plate, you just go absolutely crazy with enthusiasm. Burritos are your favorite. When you take a bite you almost close your eyes in ecstasy. I can't help but let out a laugh every time. Your looks of deep appreciation are enjoyable, too.

I hope that heaven will be a place where I can come back and visit these moments of your life when I want to, forever. To be warm cheek to super-soft cheek with my baby boy, feel your head roll heavy on my shoulder and hear your baby breaths whenever I choose.

Heaven.

Dear Iranian Reader

2011-06-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

I was kidding around about who could possibly be reading from Iran, because I figured that it was some kind of wide web search engine mess up and somehow they got here without realizing it. I reasoned that no one from Iran would want to read the musings of a random American stay at home mom anyway and probably didn't look twice at it.

I was wrong.

Remember how obsessed I am with my stats page?

So just to clarify, I am really happy that you are still reading, you are probably a truly regular, interesting person, and my joking was done with the knowledge that I actually know very little about Iran in reality, and even less about who has access to international blogs like this one. That was the longest sentence ever. Wow.

So welcome, Iranian reader! And please, please tell me who you are! I am insane with curiosity.

xo

Mary

PS. The same goes for my readers in Malaysia, Germany, France, Ukraine, Canada, Italy, Australia, Japan, Singapore, Colombia, the Bahamas, and Denmark. Comment! Tell me who you are! I am so thrilled to have you, you have no idea.

Top Three

2011-06-12T20:09:00.000-07:00

Possibilities For The Next Thing Ben Masters:

1. Crawling
He is doing that rocking thing, and is flailing around on his tummy and kicking his feet.

2. Pulling Up
He just needs me for balance now, he really almost has it.
3. Flying

If he would just flap his arms a little faster, or maybe he just needs to lift his head a bit more.

Signs That Scott is Still Pretty OCD:

1. There are rules for loading the dishwasher.
He should probably make a laminated layout so that we can attach it to the front for guests.
It would look something like this:

2. Even hobbies should be quanitifiable. What makes a hobby even more fun? Oh, ya. Spreadsheets and graphs. Don't you think? His latest is BrewPal, the app for my iTouch:

image from here

Looks fun, right? Well, maybe to some of you it does. Looks more like a buzzkill than a hobby to the wife.

3. Once something belongs somewhere, it needs to stay there.

Gargantuan clock

He has decided it is illegal to re-arrange. Specifically, the two things I have ever moved are: the paper towel roll and one of the three clocks we have in the living room. Three, people. Three. One of them is gargantuan and hangs over the fireplace. You can figure out the time from anywhere in here. But, still, both of us check the new picture frame for the time before we leave.

Frustrating Baby Things:

1. Baby wipes
They don't wipe anything, more often it just looks like I'm trying to paper mache Ben's little baby butt.
2. Formula
DIS. GUSS. TANG. Lumpy, sticks to everything from the microwave to the floor but avoids water or the inside of the bottle. Smells horrid. On the up side, Ben seems to like it.
3. Bottles.
Making them, and cleaning them, specifically. I have nothing more witty to say on the subject other than this is CONSTANT and BOOBS ARE WAY EASIER!

Random Bonus Funniness:

Scott wrote me a program to title my pictures with the time and date. He named it Autosave. Recently I found a bug that prevents it from working with more than 100 items at a time. Worse, it will randomly choose those items, which makes the result confusing. To make a living, he works on a huge launch program for the Air Force. Thats a simplified way to explain what he does. So, when I came to him with my fix-it needs, he told me I should fill out a bug report. This is how it looked when I was through with it:

what happened: it gave me crap.

what should have happened: it shouldn't have given me crap.

what computer were you using: your mom.

steps to reproduce the problem: try to use it.

recommended severity: threat to national security. code purple.

impact: I got really pissed off.

in short- it will only autosave a limit of 100 items. so I have to split up the photos/videos into two folders and do it twice. I didn't really get pissed off. that part was a lie. And also, the computer I was using had nothing to do with your mom. That was also a lie.

-------I'm nothing if not honest.

Scott is obsessed with Tiger Woods Golf lately and he says the game cheats. I don't understand why that comes as a surprise to him. It is Tiger's game, after all.

We either have mice, or I need to stop handing things to Ben at the grocery store.

New Family Photos!

2011-06-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

The day before Ben was baptized, we met up with our great friend Dan, of Dan Shaw Photography, and took some new family photos at Lake Elizabeth in Fremont. These are most of my favorites.

It's really making me want to take down everything in my home, put in new pictures, spray paint frames, make new art, and put it all back up. Sounds exhausting.

With Mom and Dad and his Godparents, Scott (Smalls) and my sister Stephanie, who were also
our best man and maid of honor.

This is squinch face. We see it a lot these days. I don't know where it comes from, but he will squeeze his eyes shut and breathe really fast in and out of his nose, its so adorable and funny. Check out the "gelled" hair (baby wipe gel). We had a little bit of crazy bedhead goin on before the photo shoot and had to slick that wispy stuff down.

My tired boy was ready for a nap the minute we got there. What you don't see is the five other people literally jumping up and down behind Dan, yelling and shaking toys in the air. Ben cracked about two smiles and was spent. Oh well!

I Always Feel Like... Somebody's Watchin' Me...

2011-06-10T08:49:00.000-07:00

I love blogs. I read them over breakfast when my phone-call-away friends aren't awake yet. Because I shouldn't be awake yet. I've listed some of my blogsessions to the right over there. But they are sponsored and generally expect creepersons to be reading regularly. Other than that, I read my friends' wonderful blogs to catch up on what they are up to. So here comes a confession: recently I stumbled across a blog written by someone that I don't know. I knew her husband like a million years ago, and he was/is hilarious. Well, so is she. And now I am obsessively reading life details about this girl who wouldn't know me if we met face to face and shook hands. But I would be jumping up and down wanting to hug her and make inside jokes about her dog, or something equally awkward. It's shameful! I feel like such a crazy stalker! Is this where my obsessive blog reading has led me? I should just go back to reading tabloids, that's so much more acceptable. I love her blog. I mean, laughing so hard, by myself, on the couch... reading it aloud to my husband kind of love. I am a crazy person.

I finally just called myself out and told my friend from a million years ago that his wife is awesome and writes a killer blog. I am such a stalker. I made the mistake of telling Ben and he won't stop looking at me with disapproval:

photo by Kerry Ko

Judgy McJudger.

So I can't be the only blogger in the world who finds the stats page addictive and insanity-inducing.

You can find some really crazy stats, but they are super general, like what country people are reading from. I know three people that live in Australia, so chances are that's who is reading down under. But four hundred views from the US of A doesn't really narrow it down. So, no, usually I don't know if you're reading. Unless you are Keturah. Pretty soon here my readership from the UK is going to plummet by one and be replaced by a small Swedish following. Psychic? No, I just know my adventurous friend is about to move. And who in the heck has access to an American blog in Iran?? I try not to think about it.

Thanks to my friends who post a link to my blog on their blogs. You can see them right up there above the map, and how often they are used to click over here. This is also where I can see the random and hilarious search keywords that lead people to my blog. I talk about them in last month's Top Three.

I try not to get too caught up in how many people are reading and when, but lets be real. That's really hard!

So, thanks to my unhealthy addiction/reader feedback, I can tell you that I have around fifty readers that read every single post. Some of them comment on Facebook, which is great. And honestly, they are probably made up of family and friends. But now that I have my random-obsession blog, I am thinking that maybe one or two are having the same stalkerish guiltfest that I have been having lately. SO. If that is you-

Dear Random Reader That I Would Not Recognize Even If We Were Shaking Hands,

Don't feel bad! I get an irrational jump in self esteem out of the fact that you read my random musings, and it's great. Feel free to follow my blog even if I don't know you. Feel free to comment on every single post, even the older ones, I will make giggly sixth grader noises if you do and show my husband. Then I will attempt to act super cool and smooth about it when I comment back. If you are taking the time and patience to read a little of my craziness, you are probably a very cool person and I'm happy to have you in my Blogiverse. Oh God. I'm such a nerd.

Okay, love you! Oops. I mean, catch you 'round... sometime. Maybe.

xoxo

Mary

Those Days... You Know The Ones...

2011-06-07T15:07:00.000-07:00

I've been having Those Days lately. You know the days to which I refer. The ones you have to capitalize because they are horrible-terrible-no-good-very-bad types. No good really isn't true, because as crazy as things get, Ben just wafts happiness and light and fresh-baked cookie smell. Well, aside from the times he wafts teething and spit up smell. Moments, really. I continue to smell like vomit but he goes back to being impossibly adorable.

I digress. So, lately, here has been my schedule: wake up from a deep, deep sleep around 4:30 or 5am and lay there, either arguing with someone I've made up, or just dealing with the chest pounding hangover I got from a really bad nightmare. This morning I was being chased, trying to call the police. Called them, hung up. Relief. Followed by the head-smacking realization that I didn't tell them where I was. Thankfully I woke up before I had to figure out how to get back to the phone. Scott was so engrossed by this turn of events that he kept his eyes closed and patted me nicely on the arm as I told him the whole shocking tale. Maybe it will sink in after his morning meeting and he will call me: "Darling, you poor thing!" No, just kidding, he doesn't call me darling, that would be weird.

So, attempting to learn from yesterday's hour-long argument with nobody, this morning I just got up and took a shower. I gave the baby a bottle in his crib, and then let him play in there for an hour while I made breakfast, and coffee, and read my blogs. They do not bring me important world news (thankfully) but they make me feel less insane. A laugh after a breathless middle-of-the-night run is good medicine.

How perfect are little baby feet? Ugh I never want to forget how round and fat they are! Love them.

We are out of food. To be more accurate, we are bored with the canned food we have at the bottom of the barrel. Bad, bad. Anyway, to prevent a take-out night, the other day I scooped Ben up on an impulse and tried to fit in a run to the store... I put him in a cart, picked up a nice looking plant, and checked my phone to see that my friend was on her way over. Darnit. Put down the plant, put the cart away and carried a puzzled looking Ben back to the car. This was the kind of day it was. I've been thinking of that little plant (and how nice it may someday look in the living room) ever since. Oh and Scott got this text: "i love YOU! wait til i tell u my hilarious trip to TJs! i got one potted plant, put it back, and drove home. wanna pick up dinner? lol" This is how take-out won and I was thwarted.

Oh and we are down to our last Snappi. Let me illustrate:

It's that thing that holds the diaper on. It works like one of those clips you put on an ace bandage? With the little teeth? It's kind of stretchy and it's genius trifecta thing keeps the diaper tightly squeezed onto Mr. Squirmy's little behind. Well, it broke. That little skinny handle part. Diapering a child trying to learn how to crawl is hard enough, I tell you. Trying to pinch some little tab because the handle is missing- it's too much. Especially if you haven't made coffee yet. So yesterday, Ben had pooped his usual quota amount for the day, and I thought- forget it. I'll just lay the diaper in the waterproof shell and he can pee in it to his heart's content for the next hour and a half.

I know, it's like a horror flick where the blonde chick just has to go downstairs to see what that noise was.

Soooo.... poop disaster. Soft, explosion type stuff. Ben is trying to cut his fifth tooth. I can see it up there, on top, on his left side, right next door to the front two, which are already huge. It's juuuuustthisclose to the skin and has to be absolutely killing him. So he is not a big fan of the diaper changes at the moment and is kicking and screaming. The minute I open up the disaster zone, he sticks an entire socky heel into the thing and as I'm trying to grab it, flailing about in the air, my hand gets streaked, and he manages to paint up his other leg, in under one friggin' second. After some strong, firm, OhmyGods and StopIts, I manage to get the diaper into the pail, the shell and the sock quarantined and a new diaper (with broken Snappi thankyou) onto this writhing little butt all without bringing harm to either the other sock or the changing pad cover. Olympic gold medalist? I believe so, yes.

Further reasons that it has been a couple of Those Days: if there is a cap that belongs on something, it needs to fall on the floor three times first. If I need to hide some laundry upstairs, Ben instantly becomes afraid of the Roomba and must be carried as well. I always somehow think this will work until half of the nice, neatly folded laundry does not make it all the way to point B but instead remains strewn across the stairs. The zipper on my pants has one broken tooth. At the bottom. Once you're past it, you're fine. It just takes about three beats too long to get past it, every single time I run to the bathroom. No biggie. Just chippin away at my sanity. After I took that headstart shower this morning, Ben's first order of business was to puke on my sweatered arm. Which I thought would be fine but now the smell is getting to me. Ugh. Sweater #2 on the way. Over breakfast, he puked again (???) right onto the table. Scott got this text message: "throw up is more fun than cheerios. says your son."

However, this kid could not be any more fabulous, even if he pooped and puked less often. As much as I get excited about someday having more, just having him feels like a puzzle piece found and in place. It's more than enough for now, just the way things are. I know from experience that I need to get a headstart or I will never get a chance to put on clothes and deodorant. But most mornings I just want to watch him wake up, scoop him up and take him to bed with me, where we can lay forehead to forehead, nose to nose. Where I can hear his loud little breaths and hold his little hands and kiss that spot right next to his tiny mouth. Watching him splash around at swim lessons, stare open-mouthed at the cats, and obsess over his cardboard airplane, is non-stop entertainment. He started scooting backwards last night and Scott and I just watched, riveted, giggling like crazy people.

He's trying so hard to talk. He's trying so hard to pull up and sit down (without falling on his melon and crying). He's trying so hard to crawl. He's obsessed with grown up food and literally yelled at his auntie for not sharing her fries last week. You should have seen it, the boy does not need words to communicate, just some grunt/scream hybrid noise and a withering look. Maybe some clenched fists thrown in for emphasis.

He's my baby, which is just a crazy dream come true. I honestly just want him to freeze right here and just be a baby for about a year more. I will probably feel like that next month, and the month after that. I would want him and love him no matter what, but I still try to stop and absorb that he is healthy, energetic, curious, and learning everything with no problems whatsoever. How crazy is that? I ache for the medical trials other families are going through right now. Nothing stays perfect forever, but this has been a blessing, and I recognize how huge it is. Every normal, drop-that-thing-three-friggin-times day that goes by, I appreciate it for what it is. Living the dream. Living the Good Life.

Gift Card Giveaway- Show Some Teacha-Luv!

2011-06-06T21:08:00.000-07:00

So, ever heard of Donors Choose? Well, basically its a charity system online that connects the donator (you) with a specific classroom project that a teacher has submitted for funding. You can search for a specific school or area, you can find projects that are the closest to completion, or schools that are located in high-poverty areas. I use the site fairly often, and every now and then they send me a $25 gift card to donate however I'd like. This time, they sent me FIVE!

When a project is completed, DonorsChoose purchases the item or items and delivers them to the school. Then the teacher posts photos of the kids using the materials and sends you a thank you letter. I recently chose a school in a high poverty area just outside my community. It was wonderful to think I could reach out and help kids in my own backyard who did not have access to seemingly basic learning tools. Here is the thank you letter I received:

Dear Mary,

We have been using the Weekly Readers on Wednesdays in class to lead powerful discussions on current events. The first set of articles I had the students read came the week of the November elections and it was so more useful to have students read the articles before asking them any questions about the election results.

Each Wednesday my students look forward to learning about events taking place beyond the classroom walls. We have had some interesting results from our discussions. As well they are able to make connections from one current event to another. For example, how violence in the war of drugs effected our political races, is just one of many connections the students are now making.

I continue to look forward to the magazines each week for the rest of the school year to see what impact they have on my students understanding of the world. In order to insure future learning I have been saving a digital copy of each magazine so that I can refer to the events in future years.

Thank you so much for helping my students understand more about the big world in which they reside. Everyone's support means so much to myself and my students.

With gratitude,
Mrs. I.

If you would like a gift card, comment on this post and I will send you the link and code through a facebook message (if we aren't facebook friends, let me know and we will figure it out). If there are more than five I will pick five using one of those fun random number generators... but since my average number of comments is usually three, it seems there for the takin'!

I have no qualms about using any unclaimed cards for myself. It's super fun.

Show some Teacha-Luv!!!

Cute Cuddly Flaws

2011-06-03T15:31:00.000-07:00

If you are a regular reader of this blog, watch out, this is a huge spoiler: I have flaws. Glaring ones. I know, I know, your jaw is in your lap right now. Give yourself a moment to recover. You would have probably found this out sooner or later on your own (if you haven't already) but cheers to getting that out of the way so that you won't smack into it unawares sometime later down the road.

I used to think my flaws were meant to be hidden, pushed under water like baloons. When they finally broke the surface after a struggle, my face would burn and my palms would sweat. I have really found that by ignoring them, they seemed to multiply and become larger in their ambiguity. Due to the hazy nature of my relationships with them, they had more power over me because I could not call them by name. In addition, I lumped in other people's lists of what my flaws were- not questioning, just adopting those lists as my own.

My old self, as I knew her, had these flaws:

1. Clingy
2. Oversensitive
3. Analytical
4. Judgemental
5. Naive
6. Weak in Math, Science and Logic
7. Talkative
8. Unused Potential
9. Not Witty... no wit? nitwit? Are those things related?
10. Body Flaws- don't get me started...

To name a few. Some of these are my own, some are other people's. Here is how I view this list now:

1. Clingy: also goes by the name High Maintenance. My boyfriends used to throw this one at me when I was younger. Some friends may come by it when they want to spend less time with me and I am still happily in the honeymoon phase. Not so much a problem when you have kids and have less time for everybody, including your partner, but still. I am not clingy. I may be less independent than some, and I feel- to each their own. I do like to spend time alone, I really enjoy that time and crave it. But I love to spend lots of time with my friends and my partner and you know, others don't as much. That's fine. It doesn't have to be better or worse than some other guy who's like "I am a rock, I am an iiiiiiiisland..." You want to be an island? Fine, dude. Don't rain on my love parade, just take your thang somewheres else.
2. Oversensitive: This is a popular one when someone is just plain being mean and doesn't want to 'fess up to it. I am not the person who asks you twenty times whether you are sure you really like me, or if you're just saying that to make me feel better. But I am the person who is going to call you on your hilarious joke about my complete lack of fashion, etiquette, or ability to be a decent human being. Thanks, but I can clearly see that you are trying to dress up mean in funny's clothing. Fail.
3. Analytical: This one I can own. It's a recreational activity for me and some people just hate it. If you hate it, then you'll see it as a flaw of mine. Even worse if I am having a really off day and combine it with the next one on the list. SSSSssssss..... bad, bad. But sometimes, when I'm around others that love it, it is a jam sesh and totally wonderful! So... flaw? Eh, may not be your thing and I'm good with playing whatever you want to play. Unless its in the blog world, then just skip the blogs labeled "Philosophizin'"... cause you'll hate those.
4. Judgemental: Ooo. Sometimes. It's usually inadvertent or a blurty moment. I'm a normal person and I have moments where "what's cool" gets confused in my head with "what's right". It's not good and when I catch it I try to correct it. I want to be a compassionate and open person, and make sure you know that I am aware your life is your own. Period. Not to be controlled by me.
5. Naive: Hm. Could be true of certain subjects. I mean, a lifetime isn't long enough to be seasoned in everything, not even most things. More often I hear this from people who think it equals friendly and optimistic. Not so. I am quite aware of the potential people have to make bad choices. I try to avoid focusing on bad choices, in most situations. In fewer situations, I try to avoid focusing on those that make them often. They have their reasons, but masochism is not my jam.
6. Weak in Math, Science and Logic: I was told this a lot, but it's not true. I was good at math in school, and enjoyed it, but I enjoyed English and Art more, plus that was what I got the most help with at home. I stopped studying math and it became an unused muscle. So yes, it's not my strong suit, but it's not an inate flaw.
7. Talkative: Yep, I looooove to talk! I don't see it as a flaw, this is one from someone else's list. If it's too much for you, I understand that. I don't know, cut back? Try smaller doses? I do try to listen, there is more value in that, really. But it's hard when I'm extra chipper or really fired up.
8. Unused Potential: I heard this a lot in school from my teachers. I had a hard time feeling motivated to get my work done. I understand that more now. I hear a lot from the media that my place in life isn't successful. I don't use my degree to make money and I stay home with my child. Blessed, but not impressive. I choose to view my life and what I do as a huge success. First, because it is an incredible challenge. Second, because it makes me unbelievably happy.
9. Not Witty: Geez, if I can't make you laugh, that is a huge bummer. But ya, maybe you prefer more cynical humor, or slapstick comedy (can't fall on my face over a blog... well, maybe if I figured out how to imbed video...) that's fine. I'm fine with it. I crack myself up and that is enough. Plus, every time someone tells me I am funny, I try to hear that instead. I am funny to them. Awesome.
10. Body Flaws: Oh, wow, I know everyone has a list! Mine started getting smaller the day I stopped blaming my body and started blaming myself for not taking good enough care of it. My body is doing it's best. Now, I believe that I can achieve most of the things I want (defined abs?) but I don't want to put in the time. So, I let it go. At least for now. Plus, there are things that don't make it on the front of magazines- a face covered in freckles, for example? But I saw a dermatologist last week who called my skin "perfect". Ahem, what? Clearly I am paying her enough...

My mission in this all-zits-revealed post is to send you this message, from me to you: if there is something other people don't like about you, don't just add it to your list. I did that, mostly without thinking, for a long time. I'm done with it. Look at the whole picture. Maybe you needed that trait to grow, protect yourself, cope with a hardship, or whatever. Be gentle and understanding. If you no longer need it, work on letting it go, but if it's something that is fine with you- go find someone that appreciates it. I promise you, there are a ton of people packed into this little world, and you are somebody's jam. Don't hang around letting someone else tell you what to add and trim. You're the only one that has to live in there, after all. Let it be a place you want to be.

Lots of Love.

Shaky Booty Time!

2011-06-01T15:09:00.000-07:00

So, we are going to have a flood of wonderful, beautiful photos courtesy of our bestie Dan Shaw over at Dan Shaw Photography, in a couple of weeks. So I am holding off on the big Baptism post until I have those to share with you. It just seems incomplete without that day. But this one above is a little sneak peek. This little guy just loves being with Grandma and Grandpa.

In the middle of the Baptism Weekend Extravaganza I had a wonderful visit from my Chico girls, Ali and Kris and their little ones, Evie and Wyatt. We went to the park, and played with blocks, and then began.... Shaky Booty Time.

Basically the game was that I stay on my hands and knees and chase Evie around while she does laps around the living room. Everytime I "miss" catching her, she stops in the kitchen and strikes some pose, like the one below. Then she says "Shaky Boooooty Tiiime!" and turns around and shakes her booty. Hysterical. I am ordered to follow suit, and then she runs again. Every now and then she declares "Fishy Tiiiime!" and I get a water break.

At one point I was so tired I pretended to forget where my booty was, and Evie not only demonstrated it's location but encouraged me to "smash it". Love that girl.

Scott's HDMI Hobby House

2011-05-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, so the overall goal of this whole thing is to get rid of any type of TV payment subscription. Lots of people have been asking us how we plan on doing this (Scott, really, I don't plan on doing anything). So I thought I would document his work, which is experimentation, trial and error at times. Oh, and he gets to use fun tools and the biggest drill attachment you've ever seen.

Part one consists of figuring out how to get our PS3 (which is downstairs) to work with our TV upstairs, so that we can run Netflix up there, and also Blu-Ray movies. We (Scott) plan on doing that by splitting the HDMI output of the Playstation using an HDMI splitter and run one cable to our TV downstairs and a fifty footer all the way upstairs. Remember how we weren't going to put any more work in this house? Ya. Well, that doesn't count if the work is fun, I guess.

Part two is going to be putting a TV tuner card into our server, which lives upstairs in the very tippy top of the baby's closet. It doubles as a white noise machine. Okay, so that was Scott's first plan, but now they have a separate box available that you plug the antenna into and it connects to the server over the network. But the concept is the same. The server is going to receive all the programming and push it out to the entertainment centers.

Ya, so did I mention that we have a server and a home network that connects all (five) of our computers? (which includes the server). This is what happens when you graduate from the computer science department, and the wife is more than happy to go along for the ride. We also have a family emergency 24-hour IT customer service phone center in our living room.... haha nah just kidding, although it does seem that way, and since I reap the benefits of quick and easy installs and bug fixes I am all too happy to pester Scott into helping out. He spent half an hour on the phone with my sister the other night when she caught a virus while studying at school.

The software we are going to use on the server is really meant to communicate with computers at each TV. Instead of the satellite box that we have, we would have an actual computer. But we don't want to do that, because we are trying to save money. So we will record the shows into a format that can be played by the Samsung TV and the Playstation. There's a program called Myth TV which is a free Linux program that will do that for us.

We also have an eighty inch directional antenna on top of our house. SO ugly. I had rules about where he could put it so that it would bother me the least. But we got it up there, and it picks up the big stations, mainly from Santa Barbara, and connects to our server, feeding those in.

So yesterday, Scott used a mighty, mighty drilling tool and takes like hours and hours to run the HDMI cable about twenty five percent (hahaha) from the PS3 to our room. It has to run from the attic down into Ben's room, then down from Ben's room to the PS3. Then in another step, he will run it from the attic down into our room. So far, he dropped it down into Ben's room and that took all day. He also cut a bigger hole where a speaker wire was already feeding through to the downstairs center, and fit it with a special panel so that he could use it for the future HDMI cable.

Before he even started he figured out that nothing in the walls lined up like he thought it would. He ran into about a foot and a half of solid wood that he hadn't anticipated. Solution? More holes in the walls.

Then, While trying to run the cable from the attic into our bedroom, he runs into another issue. A very... skinny wall?

Ya. Those are matching holes on each side of the wall from where Scott was laying down up in the attic. So... this is not an easy straightforward process. So far we have the PS3, downstairs, connected up to our bedroom TV. I am about to go up there and watch some Netflix right now! I'll get back to you with the rest in another post (ahem, when he actually finishes). There are bits of attic sprinkled around (thank goodness Ben is not yet a crawler) and dust and stuff all over him and in his hair. But despite all the griping and complaining, this is what he thinks of as fun. Crazy person.

Good times.

Top Three

2011-05-22T16:41:00.000-07:00

Search Keywords That Will Somehow Take You To This Here Blog. (Or it did for these poor people)

1. the middle of a relationship
Well, I guess I am technically in "the middle" of my relationship. With Scott, I'm assuming? I don't quite remember broadcasting that assumption at any point, but if you guys see a subtitle that includes this little phrase, that would explain things. I have no idea what answers this person was looking for, but maybe looking around this little spot ~~scared them off~~ helped them out with that.

2. "knight flight batman" remote doesn't work
Sigh, yes it does. The thing is, it eats up all the power its battery can hold in about five extraordinary, crash-into-all-your-lamps-and-plants minutes. Check this out if you're confused.

3. ie goodlife pest repeller worth it
I could just start using these as post suggestions. Please write your next post about pest repell...er... because apparently that is what your target demographic is really looking for. Noted. Thank you, gentle reader.

Scott's Guilty Pleasure TV Shows.

1. Chelsea Lately
He says sometimes he thinks she looks good and sometimes... "not good". He doesn't get what that's about. That may be what keeps him coming back. Gotta see if Chelsea looks hot today. He asks me to analyze her look and tell me why this inconsistency continues. My only idea so far is perhaps she has a manic depressive stylist?

2.The Dish Earth Channel
Seriously, a live video of earth from space. He will leave it on in the background all day. The guy just loves space. He will just stare at space. Or, more accurately... take a nap in front of space.

3. TMZ
It all started with Tiger Woods and his whole infidelity scandal and suddenly he's addicted. Tiger was like his crossover hit. It also kind of happened around the time he got hooked on Top 40 music. And started loving Justin Bieber... maybe he's having a mid-life crisis. Now he wants to grow out his hair like The Bieb and I am telling you I will cut it in his sleep if he tries it. I mean, come on...

I just can't let it happen.

You Know Someone Who Has Been Raped

2011-05-18T20:00:00.000-07:00

Three rapes were reported this week here on the Central Coast. Our community is, thankfully, outraged and afraid. In a great article from the college newspaper, they pointed out that actually the statistics on rape occurences are at least one a day so actually three in one week is not unusual. What is unusual is the fact that they were reported, and publicized. It is unusual that the victims were brave enough to go forward with that. The victims, not surprisingly, were women. That's because rape is a crime born, raised and fed by sexism. 90% of victims are women. That's right. 9 out of 10. We like to think that as a society we are making a lot of progress toward equality, but we think about rape as a crime just like any other- we don't seem to consider the fact that it is overwhelmingly aimed at women. Men like to say "stop blaming the men for everything". Well, of reported cases it has been stated that 96% of the perpetrators are men. They need to realize that this is a problem that exists amongst them, in their social circles, and that if they expect to keep their mothers, sisters and daughters safe in this world, they need to address it there, where it lives. I will talk much more about what men and women can do to bring about change toward the end. Stick around.

What is the issue?

The majority of rapes are date rapes and acquaintance rapes, and one of the main issues is consent. Giving and receiving consent before sex is seen as unromantic, not sexy and excessively inconvenient. Well so is putting on a condom. But since AIDS, we have been forced to think again about the importance of safe sex. Well, AIDS is estimated to affect about 1 in 300. Rape affects at least an estimated 1 in 4 women in the US. 1 in 10 men will commit rape. And we can't reconsider our attitudes about consent? This is more than an epidemic, clearly. It is an emergency.

These women are not being attacked in majority by sociopaths or men with obvious mental health issues. The majority are date or acquaintance rapes. That means, the completely typical guy they know through a friend, who offered to walk them home from a party. The guy who also decided to crash at a mutual friend's house. Especially the guy who thinks its okay to have sex with someone who can't stand up on her own because she had too much to drink.

But let's stop talking about this like it's health class.

One in four is here. In your neighborhood, within your friends, within your family. If you have three hundred Facebook friends and don't know anyone who has been raped, why is that? If you are my friend, or if you are just here reading my blog, you know someone who has been raped. You know me. Honestly, you probably know many women who have been raped, but they haven't told you about it. The main thing that I took away from my encounter with the male police officer who took my complaint was that I had been drinking the night that it happened (read: "intoxicated and unconscious"), so I did not have much of a case. Many of my close friends, who loved me very much, tried to find reasons why it happened to me. Maybe to make themselves feel safer? Maybe to make them feel like this couldn't possibly be something that could happen to just anyone? They know the guy that raped me. Trust me when I say that he is a normal guy. The kind of guy you could be friends with. The guy that I would have been friends with. What does that mean? That surely I didn't realize I had somewhere in there given my consent? I must have had some part in it that I could take responsibility for? It was excruciating to have these conversations with people I trusted, who suddenly had no trust in me that my account was the truth. People that knew me dissappeared. Good people. People that love me and are in my life today. Why? They just plain didn't know what to do or what to say. It's not an issue that is talked about, so of course we have no idea how to respond. That's why you don't know the stories of the many women around you who have been raped. We are told that it is our fault, because we were drinking, because of what we were wearing, or whatever. It is implied that there must have been something we did to deserve it, or at the very least something we could have done to prevent it. And when you share your story, you meet absolute radio silence.

Here is why extensive cautionary measures aren't helping nearly enough: because the majority of rapes aren't by strangers. Thank you, world, for the monthly forwards I get about how I should be more "alert" (aka terrified) in parking lots. I should hold my car keys between my fingers and not remove the flyer from the back window of my car. Thank you, but no thank you. Most girls are raped where they feel like they should be safe- at a friend's house, with a family member, or in their own bed. Locking a door would work, if you knew that your friend who asked to crash on your couch was going to attack you. But you don't. This is why women, and all victims, cannot do anything to prevent rape from happening. Statistically, they are the most vulnerable to it when they feel the safest, and it's impossible to accurately predict which someone you feel is trustworthy will become your attacker. Even behind five locked doors, absolutely stone cold sober, it will still happen because the person that becomes the perpetrator is the one she would have let in anyway.

My Story

Don't think for one second that I don't feel terrified, nauseated and alone when I share this story. I live a full, happy and fulfilled life now, and thank God for the fact that I have coping skills to deal with this. Lots of us don't. But it cannot take away the feelings of raw violation that I have and will always have buried deep in a nicely locked up place. Feelings that come roaring to life when I hear the offhand remarks that people make when they hear these recent victims reported as "intoxicated and unconscious" and imply that they should have known better. You are speaking in my presence. I was that girl. I would appreciate it if you would not assume an entire story of your own based on those words. You who do not understand what it is like to have to live on and rebuild.

If you don't know me well, here is some background. I was twenty. I was having a long term, very confusing, on and off sexual relationship with my boyfriend. It's really anyone's guess if we were on or off at the time. Off would have been my guess, but if you had asked us then, we probably would both have shrugged and rolled our eyes. I had just gotten back from a long trip south with my friend Amy. My roommate had invited some people from her class over that night, including my (ex)boyfriend. The drinking probably started around seven. I averaged about one beer an hour, drinking more in the beginning and less in the end. We sat around the coffee table and played a few drinking games, listened to some music and talked. There were seven people there total, including myself. I hardly noticed this guy in particular, but he seemed very nice, funny and just like anyone else. I didn't pay much attention to him, other than the very friendly attitude I would direct toward anyone I met.

I said that I was heading to bed, somewhere around eleven or twelve and said goodnight to everyone. I remember the whole night pretty clearly, especially considering it was ten years ago, but of course the reasons for this are probably obvious. I vividly remember asking if my (ex)boyfriend was coming to bed with me, so that we could talk things out. He was flirting heavily with the girl I had just met and said that he might. I know, I know, ridiculous. I should have just blown him off and gone to bed, but I figured he might come in, so I lit candles (ugh, I know) and laid in bed awake for about twenty to thirty minutes. After that, I got up and blew them out, and took some time to fall asleep, thinking about how crazy mad I was that he was out there undoubtedly hooking up with someone else.

In the middle of the night I was in bed with, I thought, my boyfriend. I thought he had joined me sometime earlier when I was sleeping. We were having sex, but I still had my eyes closed, reluctantly pulling myself out of my dream and beginning to wake up. I would say sex in the middle of the night, especially the way things were, was unusual, but in my experience at the time, not really cause for alarm. I said his name, not for the first time, and I was answered. He said "I am not ___". That woke me up in a heartbeat(duh) and I completely freaked out. I did not feel afraid of this guy, I was too angry. I screamed at him to get out of my bed, out of my room, to leave me alone and go and get my (ex)boyfriend and send him in. He tried to soothe me, saying, "Come on, come on, don't be weird about this," or something to that effect. I looked at him like he was nuts and screamed at him that I would feel however I wanted to feel about it and that he needed to stop talking and get the *&%$ out of my room. He left, finally. I just sat there and tried to quell my own panic. Then he came back into my room. He said my (ex)boyfriend would not come in and that there was nowhere else in the apartment to sleep, so he had to sleep in my room. I said, "Fine, if you won't leave, then I will," and I got in my car and left. One of my friends saw me getting ready to leave and asked to come. I parked down the street and cried and told her what happened and she was shocked and sympathetic. I took her back to the apartment and went across town to my cousin's house, I had a key and let myself in. My cousin came down and I told her the whole story (for the second time) and then went to bed.

In the Morning

I knew I didn't want to press charges. I knew what that would mean- having to defend myself over and over again against a guy who seemed to be an upstanding citizen. I didn't feel that I had the support system at the time that I would need to be interrogated by a defense attorney, lose all my friends in a town I had only been in for less than a year, be headline news and have to cry for days in front of a courtroom full of people. I told the whole story (for the third time) to a male police officer, who directed me to the rape crisis center and reminded me many, many times that I had been drinking and therefore did not have much of a case. I took a shower. I spoke to some people close to me, and relayed the story several more times. A few were completely amazing. Some believed me, and didn't know how to act, what to do or what to say. Some didn't believe me and said that perhaps I just didn't remember what happened clearly enough. I had friends that spoke to him about what happened, and argued in his defense. It was the most painful and depressing thing that had ever happened to me.

You know what the strange thing is? Before I was raped, I thought the worst part would be the physical attack, the paralyzing fear. Although I am sure that would have been absolutely traumatizing enough, that wasn't an issue in my case. The worst part for me was the knowledge that after the time I had spent trying to grow respect and trust in my romantic relationships, building up a sense of value and self worth... that someone could come along and just take what they wanted from me and treat it as cheap and worthless. I felt like I had been treated like trash- disposable. Something to be used once and thrown away without a thought about me being a complete person- with a childhood, a mother and a future. That frail, empty, burglarized pain still echoes through me. Someone actually thought that they had a right to try their luck- to come into my room, not knowing me at all, and turn back the covers while I was fast asleep. It still makes me want to cry.

As Promised, Here is How You Can Help

Both men and women need to make the two C's part of our safe-sex checklist: condoms, and consent. Both are sometimes inconvenient and can feel like a buzzkill, but they are essential to safe sex. This is a problem so huge that we cannot possibly go overboard with consent. A girl who has had too much to drink cannot give consent. Same with guys. So don't have sex when you or your partner has been drinking too much. "You're okay with this, aren't you?" and other heavily coercive language is not okay. There are sexy ways to ask if someone is interested in going further: "Do you want me to stop?" can be hot, I'm telling you. Try it. You have to pull back if they say slow down. You have to be ready to stop physical contact at any time. This means every time, even in long term relationships. Ever heard of a safety word? Killing the mood is nothing compared to the consequences of STDs or date rape. Neither are ever worth the risk.
Men and women need to make changes in the way they talk to their peers about this issue. Men, if you have ever been in a conversation where a friend of yours has referred to a girl as a "tease", you need to let them know you don't buy into that. Women, if you and your friends are referring to other women as sluts based on their outward behaviors or what they are wearing, put a stop to it. We have all taken part in conversations like these, I know I have, and it's a part of the problem. If you don't know why, get educated. But in the meantime, these little changes can make a huge difference, and the safety of our loved ones is well worth it.
Women: choose the women you know to protect you over the men that you don't.
Men: if you see a guy leading an obviously drunk girl away (and I don't care who he says he is), intervene and get that girl a cab or into the arms of her friends. Do not fail.

If Someone You Know Is Raped

Everyone is different in the way that they grieve, but showing support of some kind is infinitely better than dissappearing or pretending like it didn't happen. Here are some ways you can offer support:

Show them how angry you are, and make sure that you tell them that it should not have happened.
Make sure they know that you in no way hold them responsible for what happened to them, even if they feel responsible. Continually remind them that it is never okay for someone to do this. Not ever.
Do not make contact with their rapist, ever. Do not listen to his side of the story, do not suggest a reconciliation or an opportunity for redemption. This is their business and you are are either completely supportive of them or you are not. Showing sympathy towards the rapist can make the victim feel undermined and alienated. Many times suggesting contact or referring to the rapist can threaten their very delicate sense of safety and make them panic.
Offer to go with them to their local rape crisis center, or to get together with them after counseling sessions for a treat- a coffee, a movie or an ice cream, something to distract them.
Comfort them as if they had suffered a death. They may grieve in really unusual ways (for example, being afraid of public places, physical contact, or social situations), but if they are a close friend, pick them up essentials at the grocery store, bring them flowers and sit with them. Bring a movie. If they aren't a close friend, drop off a meal and a hug, and keep coming back. Sometimes rape victims feel rejected by society, or that people see them as damaged. They aren't sure who to trust. Reminding them every few days or every week that you are there, and willing to listen and be with them is reassuring. My friend Amy did that for me, and remembering her kindness during that time can still bring me to tears, even ten years later.
Support them if they want to press charges, and support them if they don't. Those girls that reported those rapes this week- I cannot tell you how impressed I am by their incredible bravery. If this blog or any media coverage reaches them, I only want them to hear words of support, sympathy and awe for what they are going through. Going forward with a legal process is an immense amount to ask of someone. There is so much focus on the responsibility of the victim, and it can be a traumatizing experience. Defend your friend's choice and let them know that you realize it is theirs to make and are there for them either way.
Remind them from time to time that you don't mind talking about it. Remember, it is much harder and more painful for them to live through than for you to listen to. Do not suggest solutions or ways in which you think they may have avoided the outcome, or could avoid it in the future. Just listen.
It is never too late to offer support. Never ever. The pain is still there, the potential for love and support is still there.

If You Have Been Raped

You are not alone, and it was absolutely not your fault. If you haven't taken advantage of resources in your area, do it now. It is never too late. I did three months of therapy, and I was sure that it wasn't having any affect, until the end, when I really did feel better. I didn't have to talk about the rape, I just talked. The counselors at rape crisis centers are uniquely qualified and it is a place where you can go and know that you are among people that understand what you have been through. Also? It gets better. It really, truly does.

A Special Note to Men

Please do not feel the need to defend your gender. Rape victims feel blamed and terrorized by the gender wars that erupt from conversations about date rape and acquaintance rape, and as you know, they are all around you, whether you know who they are or not. You do not need to defend the poor choices of other men, you are not them. Drop all the talk about extensive cautionary procedures. Support these women and their right to safety by expressing your anger about what happened to them among your friends and family. Be an example to the following generations by practicing safe sex and avoiding use of demeaning language. Women should always feel as safe as the men feel in their communities, and you can help to make that a reality. Visit MenCanStopRape.org for more resources and information.

This was a really painful thing for me to write and talk about but I am fiercely proud that I could. I shouldn't have to hide it. I did nothing to deserve it, it came and hit me in the face. The fact that victims feel like they have to hide this from their communities like a dirty little secret is wrong. It will eat them from the inside. It is my dream that girls like me will see this and feel seen and acknowledged. It is my dream that men and women will read this and find some tools to begin showing their support to those they love, because I know they want to. We need to be surrounded and embraced, and men and women need to gather together and be on the same team about this. We can do this. Begin trying in your small circle today.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, or pass it to a friend. I appreciate each and every one of you for the time and thought that you have invested in the message I have to share.

These Are the Days, The Time is Now

2011-05-17T22:05:00.000-07:00

There is no past, there's only future. There's only here, there's only now. --Van Morrison

Everyone has a time in their life when they have to face something that they aren't sure how to survive. We've all got our stuff: the tragedies, the losses, the battles. I know that everyone is out there trying to figure out how to make the most of today and get over yesterday. We all want to know how to fall asleep fast and easy when we hit the pillow tonight.

And I sit in this moment, the one in front of me, and realize that I have everything and everyone that I need, and more importantly, so does this little boy. Swinging on the porch, fists hugging the ropes, eyes alight with excitement. His time is now; this is his day. These are the moments that are quickly forming his sense of being loved and secure, and I can't bear to waste this moment with him picking at what I would change about this world if only I could. I take a deep breath, sit back in my chair, and give him another push, listening to his little laugh and watching his chubby little legs kick in the afternoon sun. There is time to grieve, but right now, this life is more than fine. It's really, really good.

Mary's Family Sweat Shop- Oops I Mean Craft Corner

2011-05-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

So I finally got to the fabric store. Ben hates shopping there and I can't decide on a bunch of fabrics while I am trying to entertain him, so this time I had Grandma and Grandpa along, and it was a success. It took me over an hour to choose the right fabrics (I know, yuck). So once I got to the front, I told the girls what I was trying to make, and here was the huge issue: I could either get 14 yards and have plenty of fabric, but not in even lengths, or I could get 18 yards. With 18, I would be able to lay out the duvet cover in three equal length sections, but I would have way more fabric than I would need, and it would cost me an extra fifty bucks. I'm cheap. I ordered 14 and decided my husband and my mother in law would be able to work it out.

I wanted the duvet cover to be double sided, so that when you turn it down, you see the other, coordinating fabric. I was so nervous about this brown and blue floral pattern, but the light blue really highlights the colors that I like, and our drapes are the sage color (that appears grey-ish in this photo). The background is a bright yellowy cream, really cheery.

So we (ahem, they) had to work out a way to cut the fabric so that I could use the 14 yards, but in a way that would look intentional, of course. Well, apparently I created one of the world's biggest conundrums and it took them an extraordinary amount of time (and many sheets of St. Jude's notepad paper) to work it out. But in the end, I had instructions on how much to cut, in what dimensions and in what order and how to piece it together, AND saved fifty big ones. That one on the bottom right- so ugly. Scott was upset that what would work conveniently mathwise had to also pass aesthetics first. Bummer, right? Here are the final plans:

Okay, so sewing right along, and I go to pin the sides and...

Ya. Oh well, I just went with it. Once I sewed it up, I tried it on the comforter just to make sure it was going to fit okay, and then trimmed off the excess. The unbalanced layout only shows on the underside, so no big deal. Plus, duvet covers are so forgiving because they are all... well, poofy.

Our last Pottery Barn duvet cover had ribbons on the inside to tie the corners in, and Scott really loved that. So, I ran upstairs and got some ribbon I had leftover from something and cut it into strips. It started fraying like crazy so I folded each in half and sewed a seam on there to keep the mess under control. Then I sewed two onto each corner. They work great! My perfect and beautiful PB duvet cover and euro shams are in the closet for now. Our cats actually pooped on them and I had to cut out the stain. I have big plans for a quilt in the future, but even if I had that now, kids would then have their way with it, so... it's being saved. This material is all 100% cotton (as opposed to, ahem, silk, so...) way easier to wash. Kids change your life. So do cats. Oh by the way, those naughty kitties are loving living outside, so that's a wonderful thing.

Okay. So now for the button holes. I waited until Ben had gone to sleep because I was sooooo nervous. I sewed three sides up all the way and one side I... well first I forgot that I had to sew finished edges on the button-up side! So I ripped out a little of the stitching on each side and did that for both sides. Then I sewed in about six inches from each corner, just to make sure the comforter would stay inside the cover and not want to bulge out too much. Then I pinned where I wanted the buttons and practiced button holes over... and over. Until finally it was obvious that they weren't going to get any better and so I had to go for it. Here are the button hole settings on my machine, in red. Literally, you just lay down the button and mark with a pencil at both ends, then start with 1. Stitch the length of the button, then click over to 2, and do a couple stitches along the bottom (I did like 20, so... you may not need to be that enthused) and then click to 3, go back up the left side, and then 4 to finish the top. Two problems: going straight on steps 1 and 3. and trying not to miss the pencil mark in the light of the machine's lamp. Oops! Then when you're done, you use a seam ripper to cut a line up the fabric in the middle, to make the hole. Presto. And try not to sweat buckets of panic all over the fabric.

Here is a button hole all finished up, and one of the buttons I used. I had six blue and cream buttons, all different kinds... so I used six buttons.

And here is the finished product, on the bed! I also have big plans for matching euro shams, when I get the energy, and hopefully a few throw pillows (even though Scott hates them.. maybe just one long one?). And I have frames leaning against the wall that are going to replace that poster, and hang above that shelf on the right.

Thanks to my mother in law for all her help! I would not have been able to power through this so fast without her. I am loving all these fun projects... My wallet is not. But, when all was said and done, the duvet cover cost me $150, in fabric. Not bad!

Mary's Saving Some Green Craft Corner

2011-05-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

Hey guys! So I finally got around to covering our new (ish) dining room chairs. Hurray! I've seen my mom do this a million times but she used a staple gun, and after having the husband look around the garage, we couldn't find the one I had in college (oh the black hole of art supplies) so... we had to do a few different things.

This here is the fabric I picked out at Beverly's in town. I am so sorry about our awful carpet. We would fix it, but... as you know from this post, we don't want to throw any more money into this house. So. I am in a rug search.

Aaand the indents are from the high chair we used to use for Ben- they are totally temporary, I just took it off, and now of course, you can't see them at all since the re-covering.

So, as you can see in the photos below, the white canvas itself was actually a cover on the chair seat, held on by elastic. So I wrapped the thin cotton fabric around that cover and used a plain old stapler to temporarily attach it until we could screw it back onto the chair.

Here is our assembly line in action. Word to the wise- if you have an OCD husband like mine, make sure the fabric is the same direction on all the chairs.

Of course, until I broke the stapler. Oops! After that someone had the fine idea of using thumbtacks, and life went forward again. There you have it! Six reupholstered (ha) dining room chairs!

Darn Hooligans

2011-05-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Here's a Hooligan you might recognize. Sorted by number and barcode, totally normal right?

I find myself jamming to the radio in the car, before I realize that Ben is hopefully napping in the back seat and I should turn it down. I turn a corner to find four or five boys on skateboards, outside our cul de sac. They aren’t directly in my way, and they move easily. They are between thirteen and seventeen, I would guess.

I wish I had visuals for this little play-by-play but I thought it would be somewhat strange to hunt down a group of skater boys and randomly take photos of them. Also, chances of success are extremely low. Also… way creepy.

So my first response was like anybody’s over twenty. Pretty much: why are you out in the street, in my way, don’t you have somewhere to go, stuff like that. Then, I had some kind of epiphany. I stopped and actually listened to the script that my mind was running, and I argued with it. You know what I realized? I am truly glad that I live in a neighborhood where kids are gathering on my road to skateboard. It means that our streets are quiet and slow enough, that they feel safe there. I am not afraid of them, and they aren’t afraid of me.

Further than that, I tried to learn how to skateboard when I was eighteen. Tried being the key word there. Where did I go? The road in front of my house. Where I felt sure that people would drive slowly and I wouldn’t be harmed. Where should I have gone?

When my kids are teens, I don’t want them to feel their society turn on them suddenly. The fear and suspicion we show adolescents makes them feel alienated from the world, at a time when they most certainly need embracing. They don’t have homes of their own, not all of them have safe homes to go to, and teen “centers” are either a myth or a poorly funded sham, depending on where you live. In California, most household expenses require dual incomes, and they are expected to look after themselves, or at the least, keep to themselves. Is it any wonder that it’s a time of emotional confusion?

After this little talking-to I gave myself, I see kids skateboarding in the streets, and I think: curb appeal. I wave to them and smile. I want them to know how happy I am to see them there, enjoying the community around them that is just as much theirs as it is mine. If they feel accepted by strangers around them, as opposed to ostracized, perhaps it will give them a sense of kindness and loyalty toward their neighborhood.

I hope neighbors will see Ben playing out in front of our house someday and smile.

Word To Yo Mutha

2011-05-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

My Very First Mother’s Day was all that I had hoped it would be. On Saturday, Scott brought back a bouquet of flowers for the table and some chocolates, arranged in a heart.

Isn’t he cute and sappy? He knows I love it. On Sunday morning I got up early, feeling awake and energized, so I came downstairs, but Scott got up with Ben, and fed him breakfast. Then he made me a delicious breakfast sandwich, and he and the baby went out to get me some coffee. He even stopped by the store to get me my favorite freshly baked croissant, it was awesome. I took it easy all day and we went out to some wineries with the girls, it was cold and windy, but a gorgeous day.

Ben has been turning some serious corners lately. He is rocking forward but hasn’t tucked the legs under yet. He is obsessed with standing up but he hasn’t gotten the strength in his arms to pull up quite yet. That could change really fast. The other day I was imitating his screeching back to him and he tried to put his pacifier in my mouth! Haha he gets it.

Then yesterday we had an adventure with the tissue box.

I just needed a second of entertainment for him and thought he would pull out a few tissues and be done with it. Well, he pulled out a couple, and I picked one up and wiped some drool off his chin, and right after that, he picked up a tissue and wiped my pant leg! The kid is scaring me with his level of awareness right now. After that, I turned the box over so that he wouldn’t pull any more out, and this is what he did:

The kid is way ahead of me. What am I gonna do?

Party in the S.L.O. Grad School Edition

2011-05-09T21:36:00.000-07:00

I love people, and love meeting new ones, but I especially love meeting women. Amid all of the talk of catfights and backstabbing that goes on in reality television, I find women to be the opposite. Whether I meet them through friends, or through parenting groups, they feel immediately inclusive and personal. Even if they don't open up with every little thing, or necessarily try to pursue getting to know me, I feel a very strong comraderie. I don't even think all of us know the many details that make up our common existences, and what kind of trenches we are all in together. But I still feel them when I meet someone new, and it feels familiar. I love it.

This weekend Steph brought some friends up north to meet the family and get the Central Coast Experience firsthand. They were a hand-picked crew, and we loved each and every one. Seeing Nanny Snuffy is always a special occasion, we are super close. But this weekend was extra fun. A nod back to earlier years, when we would have a few drinks with some of her college friends, or she would show up late on a Sunday looking a little worse for wear. Add in some fresh stories, good food, touristy activities and fits of hilarity and you have a rockin' weekend.

Amy got to work cooking us her famous nachos, with her own cast-iron skillet. Here she is contemplating the tools provided. Pretty much if you will cook for me I am endeared to you immediately.

This is her meticulous process in action.

The next day we had a nice long, lazy morning before heading to the Cliffs for lunch. Ya, this photo is a bit much, but still. The too-good-to-be-true is the real thing when you are at the Cliffs Resort. It makes me feel like I am on an expensive vacation when I really just drove ten minutes up the road to have some sweet potato fries.

I'm kind of feeling badly for not taking a photo of the gorgeous blue view that we were all looking at. If you really want a peek, you can see it in this post.

I was really looking forward to getting a chance to get to know Steph's friends from her Sociology cohort, she has been talking about them nonstop all year, so to place people with jokes and stories was a big draw for me, but I really didn't expect that underlayer of serious bonding that happened. What an awesome bonus. I really feel close to them and hope they will be back soon. Oh, and the magic of Facebook in the meantime.

Bonding with women can feel like a scary leap for some. It's hard to trust each other when every corner of media real estate is reporting on boyfriend "stealing", bullying, and gossiping. You may be sure that it will happen to you, and it might. But the joy of girlfriends is an enormous gift, no matter how many times you need to start again, no matter how late in life a new friendship begins. There is just something special about it. As Inara said on Firefly, "One cannot always be oneself in the company of men.” Not always, not always. But you can see in this last photo, those two are certainly being themselves. And I just drank it up like a martini.

Cheers!

Life is One Grand Sweet Song

2011-05-08T13:10:00.000-07:00

And Maritza Spieller was onstage yesterday, playing her part. One of my favorite aspects of living near a college is the culture you can absorb. The best and the brightest are striving to achieve the most that they can in their chosen arenas and there are so many opportunities to sit and watch them shine. In a word: enriching.

Pizza (rhymes with Maritza, natch) is one of our good friends, and she was giving the exit performance of her college career, a goodbye concert to her colleagues, professors and friends. It was beautiful to be there and we were so glad we showed up alongside so many others to support her. There was some fear that there wouldn't be enough room for all who wanted to watch her perform one last time.

This makes it look like we brought those flowers. We did not. Since having a child I am that person again: tripping over my own feet to try and not make a social gaffe around every corner. Flowers? Ugh, that would have been a good idea!

The loving details were so touching. Her family put so much into this celebration of her achievements. We were able to just show up and drink it in.

Cheesecake bars. They will change your life.

How cute are the miniature M&M trombones??

Look at Maritza's adorable purple details. Fantastic. We love you Pizza, and we were so proud to be there. Thank you for playing for us!

First Impressions... by Ben

2011-05-05T22:21:00.000-07:00

I thought that I would share my extensive knowledge about endearing oneself to others with all of you out there in the internet. If you are out there, lonely, and hoping to find just one friend who will understand how special and amazing you really are, look no further. I have found that this quite simple approach works on people and animals alike. In no time they are laughing, hugging and kissing you. Works every time.

Psssst. Got a new camera!

Top Three

2011-04-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

Habits of Mine That Annoy My Husband:

1) Only wanting his attention when he is trying to get something done. I argue that changing into his pajamas is not a pressing enough task to justify ignoring me and my need for enthusiastic kissing.

2) Refusing to clean out the refrigerator. Scott: Is this chicken still good? Me: No. Scott: [blank stare]

3) Leaving small bits of food on my plate after every meal. (Example: bread crust corners and grapes rejected based on size and lack of firmness) He says I am "pouring one out for my homies".

Drawbacks to Having the Cats Outside:

1) The garage floor is now covered in litter. Still, better than our bedroom floor, in my opinion. Scott still attests that it's worse on concrete. Whatever.

2) Chubba jumps over the fence into the neighbor's yard every day, then sits there and cries until one of us notices. They are never home, so Scott inevitably has to walk around the block, break some laws to get in there, only to find her now hiding under the deck and refusing to come out.

3) We find fight club rings on our lawn made out of cat hair. Scott thinks the other cats are trying to jump Chubba into their gang. I make Scott herd them into the garage at night so I can sleep easier.

Random Things My Husband Has Bought Online

&%$# woot. Pardon my use of unreadable symbols.

1) Knight Flight Batman. Batman figurine uses twin propellers to fly forward, sideways, up and down (not backwards). Uses infrared remote.
Me: "What are you going to use this for?"
Scott: "Um, to fly?"

2) BIOS Home Weather Station. With PC Link Interface... whatever that means. Includes: wind sensor, rain sensor, temperature sensor and transmitter, wireless LCD monitor with PC weather analyzer software, I am cracking up as I'm reading this...

Current use? Footrest. Not even kidding.

3) USB Missile Launcher. It also came with a software program. Scott proceeds to take it to work and plug it into his work computer and use it to shoot his coworkers. And he was promoted to management. Your tax dollars at work, people. Anyway, the IT department calls him and it goes something like this:

IT: We've detected innappropriate software on your computer.
Scott: Oh, which program?
IT: Um, "missile command software"?
Scott: Uhhh... I have no idea what you're talking about....
IT: We can send someone down there to help you uninstall it if necessary.
Scott: MMmmmm, nah I can take care of it.
IT: Thank you.

Busted.

A Big Family Easter

2011-04-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

We are very blessed when it comes to family. I was surprised, when I reached my twenties, to find very few sibling bonds like the one that I have with my sister Stephanie. We are seven years apart and closer than best friends could be. We used to think that our similarities were what created such closeness, but I no longer think that's it. We have a lot in common... a lot. But we are different in just as many ways. I am more of an open book, she holds her cards to her chest. I am always trying to maintain a million friendships, and she has more of a small, but enduring inner circle. She takes her time deciding who makes it there, and those that do tend to stay close to her for a long long time. When a relationship falls apart it's extra hard. I have learned to let people go through lots of practice, and some of the mistakes I have made in the past created a lot of unnecessary drama (think Dawson's Creek, haha). Trial by fire. My sister has a smoother social history, and has made infinitely more mature decisions both personally and professionally than I ever could have at twenty-two. She has more self confidence and ambition than I do. As open and friendly and sweet as she is, she packs a ton of mystery and power in her presence when she enters a room. It is subtle, but genuine. My entrance into a room has more in common with a golden retriever puppy.

I think our bond originates from a few sources. Our mom put a lot of effort into fostering our relationship, and giving me shared responsibility for her. I got so used to watching out for her that I can even remember the telltale sign that I needed to take her to the potty. When she was a toddler and just freshly out of diapers, she would do that ants-in-the-pants dance and I would have to rush her away fast before things got dicey. That habit took years to shake. I still find myself noticing a tapping foot or something and wanting to ask her if we should find a bathroom. Steph finds this hilarious.

We have leaned on each other from the beginning, and understood each other easily. Mom and Dad also used to take us on isolated vacations with no televisions or phones, so we bonded a lot over toys like yo-yos, and trying to boogie board on a lake. (Which you really can't, by the way, you just have competitions to see who can balance on the board the longest). We had each other, and that was perfect.

She has no idea how many opportunities await her, nor how beautiful she really is. I am so lucky to have not only such a close adult relationship with her, but all of these memories of her childhood- teaching her to walk, write, ride a bike. Her importance to me is so immense it is impossible to fathom.

She is also a wonderful aunt to Ben. She walks into a room and is instantly one of the major players. No matter how long it has been since she last saw him, he melts into her and within moments she is jumping in to change diapers and make him laugh. Our nuclear family is truly the four of us- when she is gone we feel her absence. But I know she is out there building a vibrant life, and that makes me happy.

The Bonds You Build

I am a big believer in Family, with a capital F, the one that you form and grow and breathe life into. We are very blessed with our family tree as well, but this weekend we spent time with our extended Family. Emily and Stephanie have been friends since early high school, and met Kirby in high school, too. Now that Steph has moved down to San Diego to join them, they have picked up like only family could. We love spending time with them, and Emily's parents, and they are so wonderful with Ben. Kirby was the first to make Ben laugh when he was just three months old, and he has fallen asleep blissfully in Emily's arms many times.

Scott Schmalbach, "Smalls", as we lovingly call him, met Scott in their fraternity during college. They became roommates and best friends. He and Heather got together early on (a fun and notable story for another time), and were married just months before I met Scott in 2003.

I met them even before I met his parents, and I think I was even more nervous! They were easy to be around and we had a wonderful time together. At the end of the weekend, I was just starting to relax, thinking I had made the best impression I could. We were all watching TV and I was on my way out the front door to grab something from the car when I snapped the doorknob clean off, effectively locking us all inside! I had one of those complete panicked moments where I was actually trying to figure out how to will it away with my mind. It seemed like the longest time before I finally had to turn to Heather and explain that I had literally torn the knob off of their front door! Classic.

In the years since, Heather has become another sister to me, and the four of us have created a tight family unit that fits together perfectly. Their daughter Sydney was the absolute center of the universe when she arrived three years ago. And then the most amazing miracle happened this past year- after two years of infertility and a miscarriage, Scott and I finally conceived. Heather was one of my very first calls (we had just gotten home from visiting them) and she told me she was also pregnant! We were due just a day apart and we didn't know if they would have a girl or a boy, but Dean surprised us all with his early arrival. I will never forget, at nearly nine months pregnant, running upstairs and jumping into Scott's arms to tell him about Dean's birth. A boy! Beyond our wildest, craziest dreams, we now have two little boys- miniature, chubby, carbon copies of their Dads, growing up side by side just three weeks apart. .

Here we are, our new group of seven.

So this is our home away from home, in San Diego, where we pretty much move in with our family and pretend that we live together all the time. You should see the guys, they are pretty stoic about it, but in their minds they may as well be running toward each other, arms outstretched, through a field of flowers, in slow motion. Sappy music playing. It's like that everytime. They grin for no reason for the first hour we are together. Heather and I never cease finding this hilarious and touching. Probably because we are the same. The guys have an ancient fantasy about buying a compound with two homes on it. Not one for the Schmalbachs and one for the Thomas', but actually one for the guys and one for the girls. Nice. Glad we know where we stand.

So Easter this year was extra special. It was the boy's first, and it was Sydney's third birthday! Heather and I were super nervous about trying to sleep three excitable young kids under one roof, but it worked out better than we thought! There was a little less sleep to go around, and we each had our rough night, but over the course of four nights, it actually went pretty smoothly. The Dads had no such fears of course.

On Friday morning I got up early to feed Ben and then rolled him under the covers with his Daddy and jetted off to State to sit in on two of Steph's classes. As a teaching assistant, she leads discussion sections for a massive Sociology 101 course. It was really fun, and great to see her doing her thing. I get so excited talking about Sociology, I was doing all I could not to completely jump off my chair with enthusiasm. She showed me around campus, and then we had lunch out together. It's so strange to have an entire meal without Ben, not to mention an entire morning. When we got back, we all just relaxed into a normal routine, playing with the kids and catching up.

On Saturday we all went out to an Easter fair, with huge egg hunts for every age group, bounce houses, and crafts. We put the kids in the wagon and wheeled them around to each of Sydney's activities. They were happy to just be together, although they did get to rifle through Easter grass for plastic eggs.

We were pretty exhausted after all that was said and done. The guys went off to spend some time together and Heather not only baked a cake, but we managed to wrap presents and grill up some burgers for dinner! We all crashed early in anticipation of the huge Easter extravaganza that was planned for Sunday.

First thing in the morning, when Syd came padding into the kitchen in her footie pajamas, her Mama caught her up in a big hug and was the first to wish her a very sweet happy birthday, like only a mom can. Syd looked surprised and it took us a few hours to convince her that this was the day she was really "three on Easter" like she had been chanting all week long. We piled into cars and went to church after a quick breakfast. It was a wonderful mass and the kids were so good. When we got back we took some family photos (like posted above) and then the grown-ups changed into some more comfy clothes. Kirby, Emily and Steph arrived and the kids got their Easter baskets. The boys seemed legitimately thrilled with the idea of toys arriving in baskets out of nowhere. Great tradition, they are for it. Heather managed to put that together during a very busy week, she is amazing.

During a delicious Easter brunch complete with mimosas, Sydney got into a hilarious game with Kirby. They took turns hiding this plastic egg (with optional "prize" inside) in the backyard for the other to find. Here are the highlights:

Sydney decided that rocks and leaves are excellent prizes to find inside an egg.
When she forgot Kirby's name she substituted the following: Charlie, Curly, and finally, Tommy.
Kirby's completely serious attitude when it came to following the rules. Whatever Syd decided that they were, of course.
Kirby asking, "So where did you hide it?" in the hopes that Syd would just give up the location.
Sydney replying dramatically, "I hid it where you'll never ever find it!"

After opening what seemed like a gazillion presents, we watched a video and relaxed while Heather and I attacked the evil packaging with scissors and our critical thinking skills. Later on in the day we had a delicious burrito buffet, as requested by the birthday girl, then pulled out the cake. Heather and I may have been a smidge more excited about it than Sydney was, but nevertheless. We all sang. She looked... intrigued, like she was studying our foreign culture or something. But she was definitely into the whole eating-of-chocolate-cake portion of the event, and was courteous enough to wear the hat and make a wish. Pretty sure this will get more exciting as the years pass. Kirby, for one, was delighted that we had strawberry ice cream, so fun was had by all.

The next day we had a nice long morning. The boys played together in their jammies. Check out the adorableness.

Eventually the guys went golfing, and the moms and kids took off for the Wild Animal Park, now known as some other name. Something about making it clear that it belongs to the San Diego Zoo. Its a thing. I prefer to just continue calling it the Wild Animal Park. They were having a butterfly exhibit that was going to be ending soon, and so we hauled the kids around and filed into this jungle of a place where humongous butterflies fluttered everywhere and were kind enough to land on Sydney and pretty much make her little three year old dreams come true. Thank you, butterflies. We spent the ride home talking about what colors they were and that they were called Blue Morphos butterflies. Ben and Dean just took it all in with huge wide eyes, which was also great. The mamas scored big.

When we got home, Steph and her friend Amy came by and we watched Tinkerbell (surprisingly entertaining). Poor Heather had seen it about twenty times, but Steph, Amy and I made excited comments on gender roles and the story arc through the entire movie while Dean napped in her arms. We also pulled out all of Syd's birthday gifts and played with them.

One of the favorites was the tea pot that came with a set from Emily and Kirby. It made the required boiling water noises, but also sang some songs, including "I'm a Little Tea Pot"... natch. Here is the cutie pie singing along happily with her new friend. Complete with hand motions. She is adorable. Oh yes, and she had to wear one of her butterfly shirts (pictured) to visit the butterflies. Of course.

When the guys came home, the Smalls kids flocked happily around their Dad, and before we left that night we got to see some high quality Dada time. Oh the love.

So, that was our better-than-best trip down south to see the Fam. On the way back things returned to normal. We both needed a snack, but while Scott is inside waiting for our order to be up, Ben wakes up and starts screaming, and won't quiet down until the car is finally going again. Only then we realize Scott forgot to get drinks, so we have to stop again, and Ben continues to wake up in intervals to cry, so I manage to score two pacifiers so that I will always be able to pop one in his mouth before I go hunting for the one he just spit out. Ya, not such a smooth return trip, but definitely a classic entry in the parenting book. The next morning we realize he is not only working on one top tooth, but two, and the second is just white and visible under a thin layer of red and puffy skin. Poor kid.

So, it's been a couple of days and I'm ready to go back to San Diego now, haha! Hope you all had the fun Easter that we did! Love to all!

The Elephant in the Room

2011-04-26T22:23:00.000-07:00

Or, actually, the huge jaggedy stone fireplace set at a completely frustrating angle! Lately I've been getting a little... restless. I am starting to get the itch to do something more with our house. I guess it's my new blog obsession, Young House Love. Suddenly, I want our house to reflect more of us. I have a million art projects churning in my brain, which is a wonderful change of pace. I want more than photos on our walls. I want words and traditions and tokens of our story to reflect back at us the fun we have together and the love we have for each other. However.... BUZZ KILL:

Ya. Well, that is also a buzzkill. But the real buzzkill is that we are going to have to sell our house in the next few years, for a variety of reasons (perhaps one of them is now this %$#^& fireplace)... and we are hoping and praying to break even (or run away really really fast and hope we blend in with all the other people up the creek without... a chance in heck of selling their houses). So... painting, buying accents and installing shelves and custom art? Not so exciting when we could be turning around and tearing it all down in a few months. So I guess I have to store all that inspiration in the back of my brain and address...

Mr. Buzzkill #2, alias... The ~~Elephant~~ Huge Rocky Fireplace in the Room.

Here is the annoying layout:

Dress it up, you say? Buy some attractive looking fireplace tools and a couple of charming arm chairs in interesting patterns, perhaps? FAIL! I have a soon-to-be mobile, curious and quite sensitive boychild in the house. So the answer is not in the Embrace It category, but more in the Stack Things in Front of It category. So I did. I bought a huge, comfortable chair with ottoman, and moved Ben's toy box alongside, and now have this messy sort of "Oh! Gosh is that a huge fireplace back there?" type of arrangement now. Like when people tear up their carpet and realize that they have hardwood underneath. That kind of tone.

The chair is there in a light green, and the toybox in brown. And still you see the access point over there to the left of the chair. Ugh. Its really bothering me.

Anyway, we have been doing a ton of traveling and I have a lot of stuff to say on the subject of friends, teething and rude-things-people-say-to-moms in the blog cooker, but... this big, no corners in my living room problem was just weighing heavy on my mind. So glad its off my chest! Stay tuned.

Mary's Narcissistic Craft Corner

2011-04-17T21:06:00.000-07:00

Or... easy DIY wall art for your nest. They say a picture is worth a thousand words... but should I just include a thousand words, anyway? Sure!
Okay, so here is my background knowledge on this super, no brainer method. Or in other words, this section should be titled "things you may not know about me". I have a degree in art and design from Cal Poly. Before that, I studied at Cuesta, Chico State, and the Academy of Art in San Francisco. Before that, I took every art class offered in high school and then did two years of independent study. Before that... well, my dad used to hand me paints and paper to keep me busy in my high chair. So there you go. I do actually know how to do this by hand, and I can draw from life and all that, but this is what I use to achieve a quicker, more accurate basic outline. If at any time during this post, you get all, "ya, but mine won't look like that", stop yourself and say: "self! I didn't study art for twenty years straight, now did I? I am probably trained in something that makes money!" and leave it at that. Yours will still look super awesome and will be all about you- your style, your thing, your mo-jo. It'll be great.

And ahem, if you did study art for twenty years straight... you so don't need to be reading this right now. Please.

Okay, so what you will need is a $25 projector, a really basic one, like this:

Seriously, this is what I use. Although, they have apparently redesigned it to be more...aerodynamic? I drag it upstairs in the falling-apart original cardboard box I bought it in twelve years ago, prop it on a stool or dining room chair and plug it in. I have an expanse of white wall in our bedroom, with an outlet right there. I slide the photo or whatever I have printed off the computer under it (being sure that it fits the little square you can see on the bottom there). Inside this thing there is literally a bulb, a mirror, and a little box to run the bulb. Super high-tech. Then I slide the chair back and forth (picture projected on wall is completely blurry) just to adjust the size I want. Then I use the, er, lens... I guess. Just using that word is making me laugh to myself... to focus the picture. Then I hang the canvas, or paper, or whatever I am using on the wall, and make more adjustments if necessary. Then, I trace away! If I am doing a portrait, I trace in pencil, and I include all the shadows so when I am finished it looks a lot like a paint by number. If, during the tracing, anyone or anything disturbs the projector and repositions the projection, I throw an enormous tantrum and storm up and down the stairs until I have collected myself enough to do the painful re-alignment work.

I regularly combine multiple photos, and when I do that, I make sure to do the photo in the foreground first, so that when I do the background, I know to stop that line when I run into my foreground drawing, and I don't have to do any erasing or trying to figure out later which is which. Here are some examples of what I am left with:

For this piece, I actually received three photos. One of each of the dogs, and one of this place with the stacked rocks. So I did this outline in three separate 'drag-the-projector-and-chair-around, re-focus, and make-sure-its-straight' sessions. Perhaps one or two 'un-tape, move and re-tape the paper' sessions. Be sure to use painter's tape if you care about your walls. But there you have it.

Note: In situations like this one, if you are going to aim for realism (and not just graphic shapes and outlines, which I will talk about later) be sure to pay close attention to where the shadows are pointing. The drawing won't look right to the eye if shadows are going all different directions, or if your subjects are noticably different sizes from their surroundings.

I suggest, if you are going to do a simple line drawing (which is so easy with the projector) that you make the major subject's outlines thicker/darker around the outside, and the backgrounds and inner shadow outlines softer and lighter. Try it and I think you'll get my drift. You can kind of see that in the drawing above. I don't focus on that so much when I know I am going to put paint over it.

Here is another:

In the background photo, they were only about as big as those red parentheticals, but it still worked. I imagined them celebrating their engagement sipping champagne on a balcony somewhere,
overlooking the lake. Sigh... it helps me to make up stories
about these sorts of things while I'm painting.

I was super nervous about this job because I didn't know the people and had never seen them in person. It wasn't the first time I had done that, and it probably won't be the last, but it always puts me a little bit on the edge of my seat while I'm working. You won't have this issue, as you will probably be creating art of your friends and family for your own walls and theirs!

One more example of this paint-by-number look:

This one is done from a friend's wedding photo. I did the background paint first and then laid down the foreground outline and the background outline...I don't know why I forget to do that sometimes.

So, this is how they all turned out in the end:

I tried a more modern approach with the second one (you can pick up those graphic stamps at a craft store and work them into your piece, or use them as a background pattern). I have to say, this last one is my all-time favorite. By the time they are at this stage, my outline is long gone and I am flying through the air with no safety net. I usually have at least one or two major freakouts (see the knuckle area on her hand in that last one? Huge freakout). But this was more to satisfy your curiosity than to suggest that from step #1 to step # 457 is a short hop. Just try step #1 and see where your imagination leads you.

Here's a fun one: you can blow up a profile photograph and trace the outline, for a look that is similar to an old Victorian silhouette portrait. Instead of making it black, use it as a template and cut that shape out of fabric, or patterned craft paper, and frame it. Or adhere it onto a background of colored cardstock. Here's an example that I did up in Photoshop:

digital paper by designer mItsybelle. See more products here.

You can use a template like that for anything. I mean, you could stitch a cut out piece of fabric onto a pillow, or turn it into a stencil. The ideas are endless.

I will leave you with a little progression of one of my portraits from start to finish:

One with glare, and one without. Can't wait for that awesome camera.

Hope you have fun with it! Comment if you have made something beautiful, I would love to hear about it!

I Do. I Really, Really Do.

2011-04-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

This and all professional photography by Brittany Apps @ Apps Photography.

Well, this summer it will be five long (not that long) blissful years of happily ever after. I have a wedding album at home that sits on our entertainment center and when I flip through it with people I get asked some common questions. I thought I would take a ~~small~~ crazyhuge post to answer some for a few special people that I have in mind. For the rest of you who really could care less about silly teeny details, ignore the text and give in to gratuitous pretty wedding photo bliss!

Dress shopping!

We had struck a compromise, because one of Scott's few requests was that my gown be super traditional, and one of my many requests was that the ceremony be outside (I didn't want flash photography wedding photos). So, per his specifications, I was to absolutely wear a veil, and a full skirt. Yes sir. Gone were my dreams of a lacy sheath number, but you know. I didn't have to worry about my figure as much, either, what with the strapped super tight corset I could wear under a full Disney princess get up. I mean, if this was a lifetime dream of his, I felt compelled to grant it. I didn't look half bad in the end, so it turned out to be win-win. Although I couldn't feel the dress at all due to the hoop skirt... and just felt a soft breeze on my legs all day. Had to keep looking down to be sure I was still fully clothed.

So I went and tried on some really stunning gowns at a bridal warehouse (thanks to Men's Wearhouse I totally forgot how to spell that. Advertising, its dumbing me down I tell you). I was with my bridesmaids, and it was a really great time. We tried on different shapes and styles. My favorite details were sweetheart necklines and square pleating. Thanks to a tips book on wedding planning, I did not bring my wallet or checkbook so that I would be forced to sleep on any decisions and not get caught up in the romance of it all, which was easy to do. When I returned home, I scoured the internet, armed with all this new information. I knew my size and the style that I thought looked best on me. I ran across an ebay store that was selling brand new dresses in a variety of different styles, and found this one for $250.

I know.

I read and re-read that item description, the return policy, every bit of fine print for two days. Then I figured: our budget for the dress was much bigger. If for some reason it was all a scam (their return policy was excellent by the way) then we would only be out $250. A good chunk of money, but from a wedding perspective, not a lot. The gamble was worth it. I dove in. And it arrived only a few weeks later, and it was beautiful. I sacrificed in areas- the neckline was more sloped than sweetheart, and it was gathered, not pleated. But the beading really was beautiful. And it was well made. I borrowed my jewelry, and bought my blue shoes at Ross for around ten, fifteen dollars? I bought my veil used on ebay, too. The only splurge were some Victoria Secret details, like a nice bustier. I still can't believe it. I scored so big.

DIY time, baby.

Okay, please forgive the abrupt rewind in pictures here. We are back to the planning stages. I wanted a basement bargain wedding, but I didn't want it to feel like that to our guests. I wanted to work hard in the days leading up to the event, but I did not want to be stressed, running around or coordinating on that day. I wanted to be able to kick back and have fun. I wanted our friends to feel comfortable, relaxed and loved. I have a lot of friends with talents that would have made for a great event staff, but I didn't want them to work, I wanted them to have fun.

I met florists and got multiple quotes, both for exactly what I wanted and the least that they could possibly do- like, just boutonnieres and bouqets. It was too much. The lowest price I could find was to the tune of a thousand dollars. In my opinion, flowers are a must, but they always look pretty, and they only last the one day. After that, you're on a plane to Mexico and all of your friends have gone home.

I was soooo scared of the idea of doing them myself, but seriously, I could get all the flowers I needed for corsages and the like for only $300 straight from a grower. I used 2G Roses. They were so helpful, so informative and so friendly. I felt like if anything went wrong, they were on my side. So I took the leap and did it. So happy that I did! I borrowed as many vases as I could and cleared out the fridge (we were leaving for over a week anyway) and they arrived in a box with cold packs a couple of days before the wedding. I had some wonderful, dedicated friends come early to help me figure out what the heck I was doing. I bought all the pins, ribbon, wire and all that at a craft store.

Wow, my friends are incredible. Kelly immediately got struck by creative lightning and became the ring leader. She was a professional florist for a day, and they turned out beautifully because of her. It was pretty fast (a couple of hours) and we had boutonnieres and corsages (for the groomsmen, parents and grandparents) and four bouqets. I had gotten some vases for the head table to drop them into after the ceremony. Extra decoration! Special mention goes to Kerry, who is somehow not pictured above but was definitely there and a total help.

Okay, a side note on bridal party.

I do think bridal party is important, and I know it brings up a lot of "feelings" for people. I chose my girls (amongst lots of old and dear friends) based on these factors:

availability to help with stuff.
likelihood to still be around fifty years from now.
in order to afford more, and do things like go shopping together, we had to keep the number small.

There are all these crazy rules floating around! Check it out:

supposedly you can't have only one-half of a couple in your bridal party
if you were in their wedding, they have to be in yours (can you imagine if you're the last to get married? You would have like a million bridesmaids!)
you have to include all family around your age group

Although tension runs high surrounding these things, I say- do what you want to do and hope that your true friends will accept your decision, and the no good ones will go quietly. Its one of the very few things in wedding planning that is about you and for you. I have lots of dear friends that I did not stand up for as part of the bridal party, and it bothers me zero. I was happy to be there to see them get hitched, and with less to do! More time to have another glass of wine and catch up with my friends. It's all going to be okay.

Bridal party gifts! We went with personalization as a theme. I wanted to give them something commemorative, but that they might really use. I left the guys gift up to Scott, who got them personalized plaques that read "[your last name here]'s Pub", est. 2006, and their full name over the top. Scott and his guys love beer, he loves Guinness, and Ireland, its a thing.

We got one for us and its still above our stove in the kitchen. I love it.

For the ladies, I found these amazing tote bags, in a combo of canvas and lime green leather, or pleather, I forget. The color matched our theme, and was just nice. The lining is cute and modern, the straps attach with hardware so they move easily and they are well made. Their names are engraved on those little silver metal tabs. My sister still uses hers heavily five years later and I'm so jealous. I should have gotten myself one but they were pricey. All told they cost almost as much as the flowers! But I told you, I cut corners where I needed to, and other things, like girls who put their hearts and souls into helping with the wedding, I didn't. I did go back and try to find them again. No luck.

Rehearsal... food...

I reserved blocks of rooms in hotels at two different price points, but they were across the street from each other so everyone was going to and from the same place. One was really overboard country cuteness, and I knew a lot of the older ladies would really enjoy it. We had our rehearsal lunch there at the Inn in a back room. It was more affordable than a dinner would have been, and it just fit into our day better. We took the evening to do some last minute assembling and errands. Looking back, I might have just done the dinner instead, I don't know. Rehearsal dinners make everything feel like its really heating up! But I liked the way we did it, too. Take it or leave it.

Due to not having a florist, we left the archway bare. I would have done more if we wanted to spend more, but I liked the classic look of it, and really, the beauty of Edna Valley Vineyard was enough. They did everything, from the rehearsal, the beverages, the set up and clean up, to the linens, flatware, etc. They even coordinated details like the archway, the cake delivery and helped our vendors get set up and situated. Tina Hoppe, their event coordinator, is a star. She knows her stuff. Plus they had great wine.

Bridesmaid Dresses

We went shopping for them in the city, together. I knew I wanted them to be champagne, or some kind of workable neutral color. But other than that, I wanted everyone to find something they wanted, in a price point that they felt comfortable with. We went all over the place, and finally, in the eleventh hour, after being told that champagne was, ahem, "so last year", we found four of these simple, beautiful dresses, in different sizes, on a clearance rack for around a hundred bucks. Miracle of all miracles, they each found one that fit. Unbelievable.

Photographer... also known as Your Royal Highness.

Oh, our amazing photographer, Brittany. Visit her portfolio here. She came recommended by our best man and his wife, and I went up to her place in Morro Bay and looked at some of her work, and just really liked her. She was also a mid-point price. I didn't want to hire a beginner, because I needed these photos to last a lifetime, in other words, be everything I could ever want. However, there were some photographers who were doing stunning work, but charging way more than we could afford. I wanted a nice camera (two, if possible, and it was). I wanted to keep all the digital images, to use and print as I wished. Crediting her, of course, because who wouldn't want to? She deserves to be swamped with business, at all times. I wanted a lot of candids, and detail shots, and I got that. I didn't know that I wanted her to bring a huge gold reflector thingy, and make everybody look sun-kissed and golden! But I did! I did want that! And she knew that without asking, bless her amazing talented heart. Right after our wedding, she won the Best in SLO Award, and now I'm sure it would be much harder to afford her services. She's brilliant, and deserves to be compensated as such, I am just so glad we discovered that hidden gem when we did.

Details, Details

That apple centerpiece in the photo above looks wrong. Some people stole some apples to munch, which was encouraged, and made for some really fun pictures. My mom brought baby apples from her yard for the place cards, which were laminated so they didn't get stained by apple. Our tables were named after places that were important to us, and I designed little photo/text details to explain why. I tried to sit people according to place, for the most part. It worked out because that usually grouped people who knew each other together. We had big dreams of a homemade guest book. Kerry took photos of arriving guests (which turned out great) and they wrote a little something. Looking back, I would have done a photobook with blanks for people to sign. So much easier. I might make a photobook from it someday, who knows.

Let Them Eat Cake He Said

I replaced what would have been floral centerpieces with apples. I bought the stainless steel cake stands from a wholesale restaurant provider online. My cake person, Christine from Morning Star Creations, completely "got" my whole idea for the cake and executed it flawlessly. She made the smoothest sides without using fondant, which was my whole goal. I actually wanted to have a placeholder cake, and just bring out cut sheet cake to feed the masses, but Scott was squarely against it. In the end, I had this gorgeous, light, delicious cake for about five bucks a slice. Awesome!

We had plenty to go around and even saved the top tier, like Scott had insisted on doing. Proving me completely wrong, it was still delicious a whole year later. My experience with Phil's Catering was similar, although we did not freeze their food and eat it a year later. Now that would just be crazy, right?...............

Catering

They had one of the lowest prices per plate (I can't remember well now, maybe $25?) and they served delicious takes on very simple, quintessentially Central Coast fare. Barbequed tri-tip, salad, oversized stuffed pasta shells, bread rolls, that kind of thing. It was to die for. I actually ate.

Wedding Flow

I wanted as much time with my people as possible, but I didn't want to see Scott before the ceremony. I also wanted the wedding to be about guest comfort. I mean, I was gonna have a blast regardless. So we took turns taking photos with our bridal party before the wedding for about an hour. After the ceremony (which was on-site, another must for our guests) people just walked over to the patio and had a cocktail hour, where they mingled and ordered drinks while we took photos. We got back as soon as we could, and had a blast for the rest of the night. We provided all the drinks, but not hard alcohol. We wanted to provide a free bar, but we couldn't afford the high price of cocktails, so it was a compromise, and I couldn't be happier. As it was, Scott still almost fainted signing the check, and the wine was amazing, so it was the right choice.

Things I was so glad I did:

A list of candid shots I wanted for the photographer
Laughing during the ceremony
Eating first and worrying about mingling later
Taking the time to find almost all the songs I wanted for the DJ, and arranging them to fit the schedule
Doing my own make-up
Making up little bags with toys for the kids

Things I wish I did:

Get my hair done (what was I thinking? Too much stress)
Had sparklers for the night photos
Had even more personalized, DIY touches. Just can't have enough, ever
Had a photobooth. Those are just fun. I don't know... maybe only if the price was right.

I know, these aren't even. Drives me crazy but I was a little tired, so I moved on. Go on, let it go.

Video Killed the Radio Star

We weren't going to do it. It seemed like a lot of money, we didn't have a video camera, it slipped through the cracks. And then... two angels, old family friends Dick and Patty Thomas, descended from the heavens and said, "Oh no, allow us." They proceeded to not only have Dick film the whole thing, edit it, and give us multiple copies on DVD that we I watch obsessively, but Patty stepped in and helped with anything that needed doing. They are the sweetest people and we were so, so, blessed to have them there.

Speeches

An absolute must-have. Now, I have seen this go both ways at a wedding. Too few (cue crickets, chirping) and too many (cue drunk Uncle Lou deciding that after six beautiful hilarious speeches, his should be the last. No one has the heart to tell him no and he goes on for twenty minutes). So I limited it to parents and bridal party only, and they were a mix of thrilled and terrified at the prospect. My father opened with a really warm, wonderful thank you to everyone for coming, and his love and congratulations to us, the rest of the parents happily declined to make a speech and that was fine. Then each of the bridal party got up, in walking order, and delivered the six most phenomenal speeches ever. They were both witty and sweet, thoughtful and hilarious. Punch lines were paused for, the audience laughed and awwed in perfect harmony with each speaker. I got them all on video and I love to watch them again and again. Kelly wins for most memorable, with metaphors to fit each of our different life perspectives, me from an artistic take, and Scott from a programming take. People still tell me how much they enjoyed it.

So Glad You Came

I forgot to talk about invitations, so I will awkwardly stick them here, next to their photo cameo. How awesome is that golden sunset lighting by the way? Oh and I am commonly asked, so up front I will just say, that black and white is of Scott and I using the same napkin to wipe cake off our faces. Buuuuut I digress.

So, I shopped around online for the simplest wedding invites. They cost us something ridiculously cheap, and I had them done twice! Even after reading it over a thousand times, I managed to get the date wrong. It was late, I was tired, okay? But they sweetly offered to send just the invites again at cost and since I bought them so far in advance, there was no stressing for time. I printed off some stuff on cardstock using a clip art artsy apple outline, and a map to the winery off the internet. No easy task as it turns out, due to a printer ink issue, but it turned out okay. I also got save the date magnets online, too, but just put the date on them, including the rest of the info on a card included inside. That way they could stay on fridges everywhere (aka your fridge and mine) forever and be referring either to our wedding coming up, or that awesome day long long ago. Fun times. Odd Thomas Wedding Trivia: Scott actually has two rings. His first one was too loose for awhile, so first we tried sizing balls (ouch, don't do it) and then bought him another basic shiny band online (I had it engraved so as to soften the blow of buying a cheap replacement). Soon enough, that became too small on him, we knocked off the sizing balls on the original and he is back to that one. I wish I could have two, just for fun.

One more of my favorite things: we took huge, group, family photos. They are on every mantel, everywhere. It didn't take a lot of time out for us, either. The photographer arranged everyone and then they called us over once they were ready. I can't explain how wonderful it is to have those, especially when some near and dear to us have passed away.

Dancing

We had a money dance, and while I was a little bit hesitant about the hand-over-your-cash rudeness factor, it was actually really fun! I definitely recommend not having a convenient money purse, and waiting until later when your guests have had a fair share to drink so that they can get creative. Some of my favorite photos were from the money dance.

And listen, people. We spent all that money and time and energy- I danced like it was my job.

Honeymooners

Some of my friends went on adventure honeymoons. I get that. If you are all excitement, curiosity and go, go, go... you do that. Scott wanted to go to a surf camp. But after all that craziness, I was wiped. Looking back, I probably would go back and take a few days to recover before we left, but I planned the honeymoon for recovery. I have friends that went to the same resort we did, and went ziplining, and all that. I wanted a spoil-yourself, lay-around, bask-in-the-sun-of-a-whole-week-with-nothing-planned type of vacation. Mission accomplished. Welcome to the Dreams Resort in Puerto Vallarta.

I wanted to go to Hawaii, but we couldn't afford to really do what we wanted there, we would have dropped all the cash on the flight, not to mention places to stay. We were working within my parent's budget, and we wanted it to go as far as possible. This place was all-inclusive, and it was recommended by my friend Kristine who got me with one thing: jacuzzi on the balcony. Cha-ching! Sold!

So, I laid in the endless pool and read novels all day, we slept in every morning, laying around our air-conditioned room in our gigantic bed. We went out to our favorite restaurant every night at the other end of the resort, the Seaside Grill, an open air seafood place. We ordered course after course and drink after drink of whatever we wanted, as we watched the sun set, and the stars come out. I will tell you the funny story of the big shiny black beetle that snuck in through our vent another time. Poor Scott. But since we went, at least two other couples that I know have gone and loved it as much as we did. Ten year anniversary, here we come!

1. Jacuzzi, check. 2. Hot husband, check. 3. Champagne, check.
My entire to-do list, done within the first hour!

So that is the story of our wedding, which ended up around $15,000 (not including the honeymoon, which I think was around three). We had a grand ol' time, and we hope you did, too! If you weren't there, now you not only feel like you were a guest, but that you were one of the long suffering friends that had to endure months of listening to me debate the benefits of parking and seating arrangements! Isn't that great? Thank you for indulging me in my bit of nostalgia. I sure do love my husband, and will never forget the honor of standing up next to him in front of family and friends. Although we have passionately agreed that it was a one time thing.

Holy Camera Upgrade, Batman!

2011-04-14T09:01:00.000-07:00

In the last twenty-four hours, your humble host, moi, has only come up with one witty phrase to accompany this drastic change in quality. I was even brave enough to blow these photos up to "X-Large" on this here blog, because can we say "AMAY-zing?!" I didn't post all of them, including the notable aquamarine eyes one, but you can see them on my facebook page. No doubt you just came from there and don't need to go back, so I only posted one repeat offender. More to come.

So this is kind of a fake out. We are borrowing a friend's Nikon D40 to take it on a test drive (or more appropriately, a cross-country tour because I am obsessed). So we are giving it back tomorrow. I took the opportunity to do a quickie photo shoot in our back yard, because the poor little man is super sick and his coughing scares people. People like his mom and dad. We had a photo shoot for Easter scheduled on Saturday but I had to email the photographer and cancel.

The worst would be if he got everything all germy and a bunch of other adorable little chubs caught the nightmare that we are currently living. So thank goodness for Miguel's generosity. Presto! Easter pics. And he fits all the little shoes that Kelly is loaning us! Little babies wearing shoes they can't even walk in yet. It's too much.

Unfortunately, I'm so hooked on this new clarity that I have half a mind to completely redo the pictures for my last post! Humph. Maybe when we finally get the official camera that will be Our Camera. Numer Uno. Mama's "The One Most Wanted". I am currently trying not to fall in love with Miguel's camera. It's not meant to be. After all, it belongs to another... tear.

Anyhoo, on the subject of the notable aquamarine eyes photo I posted on facebook, there was some speculation as to whether I photoshopped them. Of course I did! Just so we are clear going forward here- I photoshop everything. If I don't photoshop something (is the verb capitalized? Does making it a verb discount the proper noun?) that's when I will tell you. Like in my last post, pretty much in the tone of "ew, I didn't edit that one, sorry!" If they aren't edited it looks like the whites got washed with the colors. Sometimes photoshopping certain things (my boy's pretty eyes) within an inch of their life is just a good time had by all, but most of the time I just try to edit them back to real life vibrant color, maybe with a little artsy punch. I'm usually not trying to make them too unrealistic. I do over-edit all the time, and have to reign myself back in. I unclick a lot of items on my history tab. Over. And over. I don't want everything to look like an In-Style cover. We have enough of that air-brushed, painted mularkey.

So in my next few posts the photos will get blurry and noisy again. Sorry! I've been promised that a new camera is on it's way. Happy Birthday to ME!

I Simply Remember My Favorite Things...

2011-04-12T14:51:00.000-07:00

And then I don't feeeEEL....SOOooo baaaaad...

Well, Ben feels bad, so we are looking at a few of his favorite things. Before he was born, I was pacing up and down the aisles of baby stores, trying to push my mind into this future place and figure out what we would really, really use. Just yesterday I realized- hey! This is all his stuff! We are using it! I won't take credit and say that my above average shopping skills and my friend's brilliant gift-giving skills just both happened to be on fire. But the truth is, I can't remember returning one single thing to the store after Ben was born. I love it all.

Myth: That you can have too many cushy, soft baby blankets.
False. Who would ever want less cushy cuddly blankets? I am looking at four right now, just from my spot on the couch and we use all of them to death. Special mention: A satin edged blanket that Auntie added the letters of his name onto by hand, along with a cute little patch that says "Made with Love". Also this soft, luxurious, suede-ey number from Steve and Anna, embroidered: Benjamin 2010.

Myth: You will only use the bouncer for three months and the baby swing for much longer. (These myths were mine, by the way, made up in my head).
False! (Sometimes): Observe, above, our naptime tools, at seven months with no sign of letting up.
1) Bright Starts Bouncer (thanks, Guggias!) sans cozy infant insert, and now regularly using all the buckles the sweet thing offers (sadly, only two) to try to pin down the writhing little beast so he doesn't plop out the side like a wriggling fish. He will nap in his crib sometimes, but not for as long as he will in the living room.
2) Pacifier (I'm such a sucker --ooo fun with puns!--for wanting his name on everything). We are getting our -well, Grandma's- money's worth out of that thing. Around his birthday we will work on weaning. Ugh, not looking forward to that.
3) Puppy, whose face and ears get eaten and petted as part of the winding down portion of this event. SO CUTE. Currently shopping for a backup as apparently this will be The Lovey. Numero Uno. The One Most Wanted. You know.

Baby swing. Sadly, he was over it before four months old. I took it really hard.

I'm out of myths for now. Sorry. I may come up with more later.

Another favorite: Our borrowed Infantino carrier. I loved the Moby when he was little, and used it all the time, but now that he is bigger, this is definitely faster and easier to use. Dad also used the Moby when it was in full effect, but here we are trekking to BevMo and Costco with baby in tow Sunday afternoon. Looking back at this photo, I can see he was getting sick already. Poor kid. We were stalking this other family (not on purpose) who apparently had the same to-do list that we did. Awk...ward...

The Fisher Price Space Saver High Chair. Not for everybody, but I love that I can turn it into a booster seat and pull him right up to the table when he starts eating with us. It doesn't take up a lot of room (hence the name, it sits on a chair) and... well, whatever. It's great, we use it three times a day, yada yada. It is, predictably, the favorite place to experiment with tossing things onto the ground.

This is where we hang out like five or six times a day, so it's a big deal. We hang our diaper covers on those hooks, with Tina the Tiger. In the beginning, that snowflake was a really big deal. Now the airplane that hangs above him is the big attraction. Our cloth diapers are stacked in the top drawer. Nail clippers, nose sucker guy, butt spray, hand sanitizer, baby acetaminophen (generic), and lotion. We love it, it's a great system, that works for us and makes it all feel really easy and centrally located. His clothes are just to the left out of the picture in another dresser.

He loves his crib, and always smiles when we put him in it. He loves his mobile, and we take it with us when we travel. He also has a starlight turtle thing, that shines stars on the ceiling at night, we travel with that, too. We got the breathable bumper, and he sleeps in a sleepsack, but its always a strange temperature in that room, and early on we started putting a blanket over his feet. Now that he can grab the blanket and roll around (even though he really doesn't) we only use this beautiful knit blanket from his great-aunt Sherri. I can't believe she handmade it, it's gorgeous. He loves that and it looks so cozy in there.

Bathtime! Scott (or Grandma and Grandpa when they are visiting) gives him a bath every night. We have been using this really cute whale tub since he was about two months old (before that I brought him into my bath and held and washed him). The jury is still out on how long he will stay in this thing. I am all for sticking him in a real bath as soon as possible, but a face plant into the water really makes you want to put that off. So we might wait until he can crawl. Not pictured: a gorgeous, roomy, cushy towel that our friend Jessica gave us that we use every. night. Yes, we get all "ugh!" every time we realize we have to pull out a flat, thin back up out of the drawer because the beloved is being washed. It's made by Tourance. I should really find out if they make them for grownups...

And in other news...I just wanted a photo of his cute little clothes hanging in the closet. Woops, unedited gray-ish photo, oh well...I'm pretty much obsessed with one-piece things, although I try not to depend too much on them. They are a really easy backup outfit for the diaper bag, because you don't have to feel around for multiple pieces.

Summer swim clothes! Scott is trying to get signed up for swim lessons, he wants to take Ben as soon as he can. I am just so excited to take photos of he and his Dad in these cute swim trunks! He has three pairs. Ya. Accidental. But it makes for a cute photo!

Finally got the baptism outfit! I just wanted to find something appropriate and affordable. At first I was looking for more of a knit one-piece number, but ya. A bit pricey. So he is going with Spring/Little Boy Church type attire. Pretty cute if you ask me. Plus I know what size he wears in Carter's brand, so it's easier to plan ahead.

Okay, fun times! It will be fun to show Ben all the things he used when he was a baby. I wonder which ones will stick around in his memory. I have a stuffed frog I loved as a child (named: Froggo, pronounced "Frog Oh") and I have a photo of me holding him as a baby. Up until I saw that photo, I never realized how long he had been around. It did really explain the chewed eyes he had.

What is the long cherished thing you still have from childhood? The One Most Wanted, that kind of thing. Ready.... GO!

A Capacity for Change

2011-04-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

It has been a beautiful day. I had been thinking this over for the past week, just observing how frequently people rely on "who they are" to explain away behavior. No, don't worry, it wasn't you. I was watching reality television. I think that where we have been and our environment are good explanations for our tendencies, but I wish people could see change as liberating, not scary. If something isn't working, its a fantastic thing that we can just say- well, I guess I will just try something else. I mean, this woman has been yelling at her daughter for five years, and her beautiful, capable, intelligent daughter is still on the street looking for love and escape in all the wrong places. Clearly, the yelling isn't working. This poor exhausted woman just doesn't think she can stop.

Sometimes the changes we most need to make can seem the most impossible. Deciding to stop accepting financial support from family and striking out on your own, for example, can feel so overwhelming. People who understand bank accounts, taxes and budgets can assume that everyone is taught this growing up, but thats not the case. All of the unknowns can make a simple situation feel unattainable.

Deciding that you actually don't know how you feel about someone; deciding that you are going to stop repeating the same routine and actually get to know them. That is incredible. You could wander through the rest of your time with a person and never see the impact they have on you. To be able to stop in the middle of a relationship that is on a treadmill and contemplate that you might be wrong- about everything you have told yourself so far- and start over? It's liberating! It's exciting! It's inspiring! It's admirable.

It is so scary to take away all the rules and the false sense of control, and just fly. Attempting to let life happen to you and take responsibility for your part in it. What you say and what you do, those are choices, and they belong to you. I find it exciting, that you can choose to completely reform your way of life. A control freak pessimist can decide to work at becoming a laid back optimist. It is totally possible. Its all possible. We are all making this up as we go along.

I think this is one of my favorite things about Scott, and one of the reasons that I felt so strongly that we could make a marriage last. We both have confidence in our ability to change and adapt to life as it comes. We struggle with change, and work at it. But we believe, and it shows.

Change is such a beautiful concept. We cannot control our world and the people in it, that is true; but we can flip our own script, and become someone entirely new as life goes by around us. Hopefully this new person has a greater insight into themselves, more compassion, acceptance and conviction. Regardless of what has changed, even if nobody has noticed but us, our ability to do so is a gift and our doorway to freedom.

Having children is a big change, and I feel surrounded by decisions to make all day long. Trying to remember how far we have come, and that I can release all of the goals and ideas I had before we had Ben, and adopt new ones, helps me feel fresh and flexible every day.

I have to remind myself daily that with new information comes greater understanding. The decisions I made and the objectives I set at that time were not flawed simply because I didn't know then what I know today. New information is the green light, to rip out yesterday's page and start again at the top.

I love people, and their ability to grow and stretch and challenge themselves. I love knowing that I have that inside myself, too.

Today was a beautiful day for big, huge, glass-shattering changes, and it makes me feel like celebrating, so this is me celebrating with you. Cheers to a crisp sheet of blank paper, to the smell of new, to tearing away the old dusty parts and polishing up a whole new creation. Spring is really here!

Um, Can We Talk About This For a Sec??

2011-04-03T12:54:00.000-07:00

TWO pageviews from Iran? I mean, I knew I was going public, but that is really public. I was under the impression that facebook and content regarding women's rights (of which I am a passionate supporter) was strictly off limits... so... is this incredibly pedestrian blog some government official's guilty pleasure? Why?? How in the heck did they run across my little spot here, anyway?

Okay...come on, now. Who is vacationing in Iran and didn't tell me?

In Which My Life Looks Surreal and Perfect...

2011-04-02T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have been amassing these gorgeous photos, and thought... I should really put these together in some sun-kissed, fresh-baked, Leave It to Beaver post and pretend that's what life is always like. So, with that, proceed with the tour:

My perfect baby boy, who likes to bite his thumb. At least... I think he's biting it. He just kind of puts in the tip and leaves it hanging there. Either he hasn't discovered he can suck on it yet, or prefers not to, I haven't figured it out.

By the way, in keeping with the theme, that is not a jug of beer fermenting under a raggedy old towel. Although, I have nothing to offer in place of that theory.

The brilliant little guy also sprouted two teeth! At once! We won't discuss the constant fussing here, though. Maybe I should do another post on all the pulling-out-your-hair type of stuff...

MMmmmm... got to bake some banana bread for Stephanie and Emily's visit last weekend, and cook a delicious crock pot meal with chicken, potatoes, rice and zucchini. Ben even had some little bites and loved it!

Between the four of us, we pretty much polished off an entire 9x13 loaf of banana bread by the end of the weekend. Its the perfect thing to go with your second cup of coffee... the one you shouldn't be having.

I know I already posted one of these already, but these two. Seriously, so much love. I'm sure it doesn't hurt that she looks and sounds like me, but he adores her. He also loves Emily, whom he built a strong bond with at Christmas (he was dissappointed that Kirb didn't come this time- he was the first one to make Ben laugh) So we need a "My Em&Kib Rock" onesie, too... I didn't even edit these photos yet, and these two are just gorgeous, no color tweaking necessary... course I will still color tweak, but only because I'm addicted.

Summer! Okay, well, no. This is April. But the Central Coast likes to tease us every year with a dose of super-duper hot beach weather in mid to late March, and this time it came right around April Fools Day. How apropos, seeing as how the fog will sock us in again and we will wonder soon if we were only dreaming about this dip in the pool. Anyway, it was just in time for a little milestone: first time in a pool! He loved it and was perfectly content to splash away for fifteen to twenty minutes. He just stared at Felicia and Everett, jealous of their mobility, and picked up toy after toy to taste test. Happy as a clam. Even more than the divine splashing, he was in heaven when I layed him on a towel in the grass, stripped him of his wet clothes and let him roll around for a bit. That really put him over the top.

Wow, happiest baby ever there was. Apparently he is more of a pool/grass person than a beach/sand person. The next day we did a full beach afternoon with our newly dubbed "Super Baby Squad" mom crew. We are twelve strong so far! About six of us planted ourselves down at the end of Avila Beach and tried to feed ourselves and our babies in the hot sun and sand. He loved dipping his toes in the water and watching people swimming, but the rest of it was just too hot and miserable for him. I was enjoying myself, though!

Ugh soooo hot

So fun. As you can see we are still doing cloth prefolds with the diaper service, and loving it! He is wearing a one size Thirsties cover here that we got on Amazon. He also has about three Flip covers with snap closures that we use, I love the colors and they are all one size, although as you can see he is at the highest rise. The only thing that is getting harder is trying to get him to hold still long enough to fasten everything. The kid is such a squirmer! Always trying to flip over and backwards, grab his toes and eat them, or just bat at you with flapping arms. His clothes (9 month) fit fine, if maybe a little slim around the waist (haha! He's still in the chunking up phase) and he is hitting all of the usual milestones with no problem whatsoever. He sits up fine and rolls over. We love cloth, it was a much, much easier thing than I ever dreamed. Here I thought I was being so brave! Sheesh.

Right now Scott is playing with Ben and we are waiting for Grandma and Grandpa to come for a visit. So exciting. I love the weekends, when my boys get to spend quality time together and especially when we get to see family. I hope all of you are having a great weekend, too!

Ben Needs a Dollhouse

2011-03-31T14:16:00.000-07:00

Auntie will play dolls with him!

Maybe not right now, but in the next year, definitely. He doesn't even have any dolls! But thats okay, they are really more meant for playing pretend, and he isn't there yet. He has puppy for all of his cuddling needs. Oh, its completely fine for girls to play with trucks and dirt and learn how to fix the kitchen sink, right? We love women, right? But I promise more than one man is cringing with inexplicable aversion at the idea of Ben playing with dolls.

Scott is brilliant, in my opinion, but as with all of my relationships, the guy always seems to come up short in the areas of communication and conflict resolution. I know, I know, tell you something you don't know, right? Well, how did I learn how to make friends, share (which, ahem, Scott is still working on), and discuss my feelings? Playing dolls with my friends. Before he gets to the stage where "MO-om, boys don't dooooo that", I want him to at least have a rudimentary grasp on his feelings, friendships, and how to talk about them with his peers. Being able to schmooze takes you far in this society, people! I intend to give my kid as much knowledge as I can to get him as far as I can. And I don't know Spanish at all. So that is out.

Big Love

2011-03-26T11:12:00.000-07:00

Which one is me?

Once, a few years ago, Scott and I were going out to dinner with my family- Mom, Dad, and Stephanie, my sister. We were waiting at the front of the restaurant to be seated and Scott came in to join us. Without giving it much thought, Scott came over to me and draped his arm around my waist... as always, maybe just a smidge past the southern border. Hey, we're married.

Well, this time, it wasn't me. It was Steph. She thought that maybe it was me, or my mom, so she slowly glanced over and saw... Scott. And he saw her. Oops. Stephanie busted up immediately, and Scott looked shocked, but definitely amused. The rest of us were instantly interrogating them, ordering them to fill us in on what was so hysterical. I think Steph may have contemplated telling my parents for about two seconds, and then relayed the whole thing. Scott, being completely secure by nature, was a good sport while we all took turns beating the joke to death at his expense.

This story comes close to repeating itself every time Steph visits, especially since we regularly trade clothes when she is here. Its a big joke around our house.

Do you think he has a point? Can you tell us apart?

Language: The Secret Handshake

2011-03-25T17:03:00.000-07:00

Do you remember an embarrassing moment in junior high or high school when someone used a word that you didn't understand? I remember having to plaster on the "I totally get it" face, and behind the mask, frantically search the context for clues. It was especially difficult if they were using a new slang term, or referring to something taboo that you weren't supposed to know about.

We decide so much about people based on language. Slang is almost like the password into an underground club. Especially when you're young, that's how you "weed out the nerds", or more likely, are weeded out by your peers. But if you think about it, we still do it as adults. We put a lot of value on accents. A British accent is thought to sound intelligent, but a southern accent... not so much. Not to mention Indian, Korean and Canadian accents.

Immediately upon meeting a stranger, you reveal so much more than you realize about yourself. At the very least, your country of origin, and if the stranger is from the same area, they may be able to tell what part of the state you are from. In this country, lots of people can identify New Jersey, New York and Boston accents. Here in California, a few slang terms can give away whether you are from the north or the south.

When it comes to connections and wealth, language plays a critical part in the etiquette universe. Much has been made about this in movies. If you use the local vernacular, and don't exercise an extensive vocabulary, you will be dismissed quickly as ill-mannered and unrefined.

The most interesting part of this system, is that we created it. We assigned social value to each language and accent, and we calculate that value each time we encounter someone new. There are so many pieces of our culture that function this way- as clues to someone's place in society- that informs us subconsciously of our relationship to them before we have even developed a dialogue.

What new words is Ben's generation going to make up to define themselves? What am I going to do if Urban Dictionary ever evaporates and I can't figure out what they mean? I hope I can teach him enough about how to use the tools of vocabulary and diction to allow him access to the locked doors in society that he may need to get into. It's amazing how much we need to pass onto our children to prepare them for our world, and even more incredible is how much they will create to make it completely their own.

Top Three

2011-03-22T17:07:00.000-07:00

Top Three: Favorite dreams I have had since Ben was born.

1. Scott wearing Stephanie's cardigan out and about and being hurt when I laughed at him. His reasoning? He was cold. I shouldn't have laughed, it really did flatter his Popeye muscles.

2. Sitting on an airplane with a few friends, the plane tilts forward at a frightening angle and our cups of water fall out of the cup holders and tumble to the front of the plane. Later on the flight attendant announces that he is testing the cups for DNA, since it is imperative that the airline discovers who would be so rude as to hurl their cups at the front of the plane.

3. Attempting to seduce Scott, but everytime he begins to reciprocate, I fall asleep (that's a classic for first time parenting, don't you think?)

Top Three: Things that belong on a coaster, a household-wide study.

1. Remote Controls

2. Cell Phones, which apparently trump remote controls.

3. Etcetera.

Top Three: Quotes from my husband. That I remembered to write down.

1. After clicking on a pop-up that was all but screaming "computer eating virus!" I asked him why in the world he would do such a thing. He replied, "I just wanted to put myself in the pants of an old person." Maybe a review of common sayings is in order.

2. "Two women chatting at a stop sign should be the symbol for infinity, not that twirly thing."

3. "What do you mean by 'on the fence'? You made that up, didn't you?!"
I refer back to #1.

Give me your top three list!

Honey, It's Because She's Crazy.

2011-03-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

Hands On

Paranoia is really trying to bust out of its cage over here, what with all the people who are reading, and worse with the people of whom I hear are reading. As with walking a tight rope, if I don't look down I will make it across, right? Walking over here, well perhaps mosey-ing. Also awkwardly whistling and looking in upward directions at nothing.

I do feel that its strangely appropriate to be putting myself out "there" (where?) at this time in my life. I have just a few months left of my twenties, and I have two goals for my much-aniticipated fourth decade on earth:
a) to truly listen to different perspectives and practice acceptance
b) to be unapologetic about who I am

Qualifiers: not aggressive, not defensive, just not trying to fit into someone else's system.

I love my wide net of friends, with different experiences, and even if we have differences, I want to be able to focus on what we have in common, without necessarily having to sweep myself under the rug.

Here's something you may not know- Scott and I have conflicting beliefs and politics. He was raised to be very conservative, and I was raised, well.... in Santa Cruz. A very special kind of liberal territory, for sure. Neither one of us is carbon copies of our parents' original plans, I'm sure. In my case, I am very sure. But it's definitely the foundation of everything we believe. When we were first discussing marriage, we had long and sometimes depressing talks about how this was going to work. Daily life was pretty easy, but we knew that when we got older and had kids we would have to face some pretty tough issues. Well, wouldn't you know it, here we are! A whole split second later!

Our final game plan kind of floated to the top of all these road blocks that we kept running into. We agreed on very little when it was all drawn out on paper. Do you like Mexican food? Yes, yes. Check. Separation of church and state? NO?? Really???!! Okay so not quite like that, but I'm paraphrasing. In the spirit of paraphrase, our solution looked somewhat like- if the child in question asks you about this issue, you answer their question. If they ask you why their other parent so clearly scoffs at that answer, you tell them that its because said parent is craaaaaaaazy. But you love them anyway. Although we both care a great deal about the values and beliefs that Ben learns here at home, he will have to choose his own way in the end, as we all do. We respect each other's opinions and beliefs, and we love each other anyway, and I hope that is the take home message.

Another take home message: Its not okay to hide the other person's absentee ballot and tell them that the mailman must have just lost it...

Going Public!

2011-03-15T19:45:00.000-07:00

This will probably freak me out for awhile. I like knowing who is reading, and in the past it has allowed me to be more open than I normally would be... all hangin out there in the... giant... world...

ANYway. List of promises, in this time-of-new-beginnings and all:

1) I promise that my life will not get any more interesting.
I mean, I'm a white, married, middle class, stay-at-home mom with a healthy child. BOR-ing. Unless of course you are Kelle Hampton over at Enjoying the Small Things. She's oozing coolness that I just don't have. If there is a nerdy, relaxed, and more lazy photographer version of that, I can only hope to be it.

2) I promise to try fun challenges and ask your opinions on things.
Of course, no advance research necessary for these types of opinions. See promise #1.

3) I promise to try to write about something, when I write. And include some cute photos when I don't.
I also promise to practice using bigger words. To the enjoyment of all. Get out your point-and-laugh fingers now, people.

Wow, big promises! And with a six-month-old, WHY am I trying to be on the computer more?? Sigh, don't know, just a whim. We shall see what comes of it.

I'll make more promises if you leave a comment with your three wishes. But no fair wishing for more wishes! You know that's against the rules, people. You've all seen Aladdin.

Officially six months has passed... and an ode...

2011-03-06T11:55:00.000-08:00

I just want to preface this by stating again how much I love this little nugget. Even at the worst times when we just aren't at our best, although those days have pretty much slowed to a trickle, now. He knows the drill, and likes it, and the only fussing that usually happens is when Mama fails to realize he has indeed pooped or he is bored by this stage of the day earlier than expected. Its a love haze at this point, basically. Once you get the daily grind mastered. That being said, people commonly say, "you will forget what life was like without him!" Well, here to say that day has not come yet, and I consider that to be a good thing.

At 6am, when (I know, 'lucky us' as many parents tell me) he wakes up and starts making his little wake up noises, I remember what it was like to sleep until 7:30. I remember when the rudest intrusion upon my eight hours of beauty sleep was Scott quietly getting dressed or the cats raising some unholy heckuva racket. I remember what Friday nights were like, deciding to go out to dinner last minute or rent a movie. The odd party here and there at a friend's house. How easy it was to leave town, and whenever we wanted to. Staying in bed when I was sick, and Scott being able to go to work.

But, I remember being bored a lot of the time, both working and not working. I am a serial monogamist at heart, I have been single, but for six or eight months in a couple of handfuls. Scott and I met early, at 22, which felt like 'finally!' to me at the time. I like building relationships. I love meeting that new friend that just gets you right at the beginning. The two hour lunches peppered with "I know!"s. I love that stage of partnership when the bloom has decidedly left the rose, but you are through the "okay, I love you but am kind of sick of you" phase. You've had your arguments, you've had your obsessive together all the time stints. Now you are onto that warm breeze of missing them only just enough when they have left for the weekend. You have allowed yourself to take them for granted just that amount that allows you to feel safe and secure, but you appreciate their presence when they are gone for even just one night, and want them back. I wanted a baby, another person, and most importantly, another type of relationship. One that would help me explore human bonds further, to stretch myself emotionally. I am here to say, it has delivered. I can poignantly hold in my mind both realities: one without children, in a ~~clean~~ home with no bright reds, yellows, and blues. One that is constantly doing crazy things like taking your blender into the bathroom and balancing many things precariously throughout the day. I prefer the challenge of parenthood, although it is work, without it I feel I would only be jogging in place.

Confession: Now that we are at the six month mark, I get about as much done now as I did before the baby. When life got active before, less housekeeping was done. Same goes for now. I hate housekeeping so it always falls to a dismal last. More accurately, it is done in an urgent haste when I just can't live with it anymore or someone is coming over. Then I mostly clean just what they will see.

Beyond that, the promised ode. This one, to the vessel that carried my cheeky little chunk. Six months after the huge accomplishment that is Ben was birthed into this world, I thought I would be concerned about the state my body was in. Was I going to gain too much weight, be too concerned about my jigglies to feel like a wife, and not only a mommy? I feel very much like my old self, with some residual pregnancy health issues. But as to fitting into jeans and such, its not that everything is back to what it was, its just that its very close-close enough. My jeans fit better one day than the next, but my concern with it is so much less now. In fact, I am so impressed with my body's ability to go through the wreckage that was Ben's birth, and put itself back together again (more or less). I am so impressed by that, that I just don't care as much about the rest. I am not in amazing shape, exercising daily, or any of that. I thought I would be! In an urgent worry about my body being "let go". I exercise about the same amount as I did before, always vowing to do more, but remaining fairly active. What's more- when I pass a mirror, I don't mind a little roundness here and there. I look like me, nearing thirty. I am just proud of my body, and hope to take as good care of it as it deserves. Hopefully I can resist the constant stream of outside voices (I know you hear them, too!) that say I shouldn't think my body looks fine the way it is. I should be doing more! Well, I'm not, and I'm happy. Get over it.

Its Either A Cramming Feast Or An Intellectual Famine

2011-03-02T14:59:00.000-08:00

Wow, growth! I can feel it, this new normal, rolling into the cracks and edges and coloring it all in with brand new scenery. I can't believe its been six months. I remember fantasizing about this month when he was first born- how great it would be to see him playing, smiling and jumping. Failing completely to imagine what his tiny little face would look like, all puffed out and cheeky. It is just as glorious as I thought it would be.

Further thoughts on growth: I have my mind back! Well, for now. I can remember things, and expand on ideas. I can read books and contemplate their themes. I can imagine paths for myself, with different futures and adventures. I can make lists of things to get done, and adopt new routines. That last one is the real thriller. I can adopt new routines. I am not an old person set in her ways. I can bravely learn about cloth diapers. I can decide that his bedtime routine will look like that. I can remember that since he is napping I should go do xyz real quick and move things forward throughout the house. Keeping one corner of an eye locked on my baby I can invent new activities based on his increasing skills! Now that he suddenly likes the Bumbo, I can prop him on the counter and cut up things for dinner, hanging some links and a toy from the cabinet door above. These things may seem simple, but after the intellectual famine that is pregnancy (and the first three months of infancy, really) these realizations hold the same excitement as zero gravity. It may be short lived, but I am savoring it.

So in the interest of riding this train as far as it will take me, I have been scrapbooking, researching ancestry, reading thought provoking family blogs such as "Enjoying the Small Things" and "Lesbian Dad", both providing me with windows into lives that are different, but not so different than mine. For example, an excerpt here re: Baby-Help Books by LD:

"The “For Fathers Only” sections in the chapter “Postpartum Family Adjustments” made me want to chuck the book out the nearby window. Subsection titles include gems such as

“Keep the nest tidy” (duh!),
“Be sensitive” (what else are you going to be?!),
“Guard against intruders” (must use martial lingo! must! this is manly business!),
“Take charge of the siblings” (I say again, duh!), and
“Become a shareholder” (this is to remind Dad to actually hold the baby, yep, actually hold the baby).
Is anyone this stupid? Could this actually reflect any facet of reality? Don’t answer that! If the answer’s yes, I don’t want to know. Okay, one last look at the accident before we drive on past. From “Be sensitive”:
Dads, be aware of your wife’s needs. As one mother confided, “I’d have to hit my husband over the head before he’d realize I’m giving out.”
Don’t even let me get started on the “More Keys to a Better Marriage Adjustment” section.
The most articulate response I can muster to most all of the “For Fathers” material is: What the fuck? If I’m living in a wacky, Northern Californian, left-wing, feminist-liberated, queer-friendly haze, then lord love me and leave me there! Because none of that stuff, but none of it, would do anything but patronize and insult any men friends of mine. If it doesn’t, it should! And woe betide the wife of the man who is genuinely enlightened by any of this. "

YA! I am so surprised that we are still told to hold men's hands through this whole thing, because of course the implication is that it is supposed to come naturally for us. I'll tell ya, even with drugs, nothing about pregnancy or birth felt natural to me. I kept telling myself that this had been going on with women for as long as there were women, no need to panic... comfort provided? Um, zero. Now, thats not to say that it doesn't feel natural to many women, I'm sure it does. Caring for Ben once he was born felt natural to me, besides breastfeeding, which felt more like learning how to operate heavy machinery, or work a stick shift. I'm sure there are women out there who felt like caring for an infant felt like being a fish out of water. All I'm saying, is that we are entitled to the same learning curve, and men don't even have to do any of the beginning part. We all have an adjustment to go through, nobody's getting out of that.

My husband is one of those who thankfully, does not need to be taught how to roll up his sleeves and get in there. But I tend to be the kind of person who is going to hand it to him anyway, so if he wants to roll up his sleeves first, he better get to it. I absolutely do not apologize for asking for help when I need it, and I need it. Why be on a team if you don't want to pass the ball? Anyway, beyond that, he is a fabulous partner. He has his moments, when overwhelmed, as I do as well. When neither of us wants to do this anymore, and wants the other one to do it. Five more minutes, please, just five more minutes. Not perfect, but on even-ish ground here at home and I'm so glad.

See? Thought provoking. She gives me plenty to chew on, just like Kelle over at "Enjoying the..." and that keeps my thought-wheels turning and in that way, makes me feel healthier.

I have a book club that I make it to about half the time, but I credit them with making me read Maya Angelou! One of those books you want to take everywhere with you just so that you can look at complete strangers with that casual aloof "Oh, ya, of course I read Maya Angelou and never ever US Magazine" look. It used to be a total lie, but now its only a half-truth, as I actually DO read Maya Angelou, and love her! Now I can add her to Amy Tan under my list of authors I pull out when I want to impress someone and kick my tattered and dog-eared Twilight books under the couch. Movin' on up!

All this learning and reading- I only have four and a half more months until I am 30! Apparently I have quite a bit to fit into this last leg of my 20s.

A First and Some Fun Photo Comparisons

2011-02-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

Ben sat by himself, while I got up and signed for a package at the door on Friday. A few days later, he is sitting wonderfully by himself today at a playdate. I try to stay close because he does take a tumble every once in awhile, but he is officially sitting and I for one am relieved and ecstatic. I also gave him the opportunity to gum my sandwich today and regretted it because he wanted the whole thing and got mad when I ran out of things to share with him! Looks like we will have to add in a lunchtime of solids now, too, which is going to really mess with playdates and Mommy class. Maybe I will arrange for it to be after one...

We had a great weekend! We spent time with Scott's aunts, uncles and cousins and everyone got to see what a big boy Ben is becoming. He was a little clingy with me during this trip, which he has been doing at class and playdates a little bit here and there. We all suffered, as Grandma and Grandpa had to remain near me when holding Ben, and I couldn't really sleep or leave the room unless Scott was with him. Even then, sometimes Daddy wasn't enough if he was really feeling nervous and I had to scoop him up and get him calmed down. But as long as he was sitting with us, he was very social, talking and playing with everyone, and his aunts and even both Great Grandmas got a chance to hold him! At one point after a "I want Mama" breakdown, we napped together on Aunt Sherri's couch in their front room- it was raining outside and we were right next to the heater, with laughter and happiness echoing from the family room. Cozy and cuddled, we slept for an hour and a half. I think I will remember it forever, it was that good!

It was very fortunate that I got that nap in, because that evening we had Kelly's 30th birthday party out at a restaurant in Danville. We did the nighttime routine with Ben and he went down to sleep and then we headed out for a night of pretending we were young and wild. Well, at least Scott took care of the wild part. I squeezed my tummy into some tight slacks and pretended to be young and carefree! Haha! Kidding aside, we felt like college kids, huddled around joking with friends and whooping in celebration for Kelly and Alan- getting a year older and spending another great year together. After the crowd thinned out, the restaurant emptied, a mysterious round of drinks appeared, and then out came a surprise bottle of champagne, courtesy of my wild and crazy husband. I finally led him out to the car and batted his hands away from the wipers, lights and radio buttons and drove us home. We were both in high spirits and felt reconnected with our pre-parent selves.

The next day we had a delicious catered lunch with Scott's maternal side of the family, who got Ben some surprise gifts! I am already behind on thank you notes and need to get caught up, this reminds me.. but he has been loving them. And the most adorable set of overalls I can't wait to get him into. We are all battling a cold this morning, and Scott stayed home from work and slept in.

Check out some photo comparisons I have been looking forward to:

We decided Ben definitely got my chubby cheeks and a rounder head. But he sure is his father's son!

Ben Has Arrived and Taken His Seat... Now Where's the Show???

2011-02-16T15:21:00.000-08:00

Ben seems to have his Dad's temperament so far. He likes to be around other people, and now more often than not, expects a lot of activity and entertainment for him to watch quietly. He will play very well independently for a time, but a whole day at home does not bode well for Mama. Yesterday we went down to Santa Maria for a play date with a very sweet family, new friends for us! They have three kids, the youngest is brand new. So its a house full of constant activity, and he was loving it! He yelled at me when I didn't hold him in the right spot for a clear view. He was very interested in all the commotion- running, jumping, drawing, racing cars. I kept telling him that if he wanted to get closer he should just get up and walk over there and play with the other kids. He didn't think my attempt at humor was amusing at all. Another thing he has in common with Dad, haha!

It took about a month but he has officially learned how to jump in his jumpers. And I am also convinced that he knows what I mean when I say "jumpa-jumpa buddy!" because he breaks out a smile and goes to town. Another favorite activity is noise-making. The top two are blowing raspberries (a very nice fart sound that he interjects into conversation at appropriate times) and screeching as loud and as long as he can. I prefer the fart sound. He likes it when I make different noises, too, or copy his noises. He also loves when we sing to him. Every night nowadays we sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" when he goes to bed, and his daytime favorites are the ABCs and "The Wheels on the Bus".

We are practicing sitting up, with mixed results. Sometimes he is all for it and will balance there for a long time, using my legs or a toy as support. Other days he just slumps and falls over and lays there, looking content. I don't think he really sees the point. If he knew it was a gateway to crawling, I think he would be more likely to apply himself. He can balance on my hip much better, which makes a world of difference to me. He has again started trying to roll over. The problem is that when he does roll from side to front, he gets angry that he is on his tummy, so that whole game comes to an end really fast. He most often does it only for the faces book that we borrowed from the Puccinellis. His two favorite faces are the characters I like to call Oscar and Angela (from the Office).

He is eating a lot more now. He likes most baby food (squash, pears, prunes and oatmeal), loves rice cereal, and dislikes applesauce and most of the blended food that I make, which so far is only peas and yams. He did eat some avocado one day and seemed to like it. Tonight he is trying sweet potatoes, baby food style, and soon my blended carrots and bananas. His poops are collosal pasty messes that smell awful. I miss EBF poops. He also throws up everywhere and in huge amounts, as usual. He has started looking around more, however, so the cannon gets pointed at everything. It has hit me on more than one occasion.

We stopped swaddling him at night, and dropped the 4am feeding, and he barely noticed. He wakes up twice so far, at 5 and 6am, and this morning he almost got himself back to sleep entirely on his own. I can hear him talking but I wait until he "calls" me. During the day I only swaddle him if we are around other kids and its loud. I thought he was growing out of his bouncer chair but he loves it more than ever, and naps only in that all day long. If we are out and about, he will sleep in his carseat, on my chest, wherever.

Hip Hold

Two of a Kind

This is new- he will sit here and watch me work in the kitchen. SO helpful!

Dad's home!!

More often he wants to try feeding himself. Sigh....

Watch out, you could be next

Scott is amazing with him. He comes home every night and plays with him, feeds him, gives him a nap and a bath. On the weekends he is a very good partner. We take shifts if we need to get things done, but we also take family walks, and go to the store together. Ben absolutely adores him. When he comes home from work and picks him up, Ben gets the biggest eyes and just studies Dad's face. Yesterday while we were in Santa Maria, we dropped by Scott's work to show him off. Ben was great, smiling at Scott's coworkers. He fell asleep on Scotts shoulder and I could see his Daddy heart just melt. "Wow, he hasn't fallen asleep on me in a long time", he said. So sweet.

Ben- Not a Foodie But He Loves Food!

2011-02-02T20:31:00.000-08:00

So, Day 5 of solids! He took to the rice cereal like he had been waiting for it all along. I thickened it more with every feeding, and he just ate and ate and ate! At one point I ran out of milk and mushed up some peas for him... Aaaaand that pretty much ended the feeding. After only a few days I added in a dinner feeding, too. His appetite seems to grow exponentially with every meal I add on. I attempted peas again tonight, and while he is incredibly polite about it, he wasn't into it at all. One more attempt and I will move on to something else- squash or carrots or something. It's a joy to feed him. He clasps his hands together and "dances" in his seat, kind of quivering, eyes locked on the spoon until he almost goes cross-eyed. It's adorable.

The Family Art of Eating

2011-01-27T20:33:00.000-08:00

Being the Mom has really made me look at myself and what I actually do, not only what I want to teach Ben. I am reading a book about feeding your child and its made me reflect on what I was taught about food and health. My mom was amazing when it came to teaching us about food. She enjoyed food, didn't obsess over it and was an equal opportunity eater. I have a great model to work from when it comes to feeding Ben. We had a garden growing up (which I don't). It made me appreciate very simple food. No chemicals, no additives or preservatives- produce that came straight from the ground to our kitchen table. My mom grew the kind of tomatoes that you wanted to eat like apples, because the taste was like an explosion. It was all you needed. I don't even know how to compare the tomatoes you can buy at the store. Its a pathetic comparison. Hopefully someday I will catch the gardening bug. One of my favorite things was picking ingredients for dinner from the garden in the summer twilight. I can remember the smell of the valley and the way the dusty vegetables felt in my hands. It made food feel like a way of life.

Mom is so against the "clean your plate" philosophy, and she would defend us against it when we were much too little to understand. We either ate as a family, or Steph and I would eat together in the kitchen and I would try to get her to taste things she hated, like olives. We could eat as much or as little as we wanted at dinner or snack time, as long as it wasn't too close to dinner. Desert was usually two small cookies that we were allowed to steal from Dad's stash. He kept them in old-fashioned animal cracker tins on the top shelf. I remember them being red, with pictures of tigers and other circus animals in caged train cars. Sometimes Mom would put together fancy elaborate deserts. When I say elaborate, I don't mean layered and decorated cakes or some kind of Martha Stewart hand painted cupcakes. I mean hearty, country style pies or peaches and ice cream. That was a treat in our house and she always seemed so excited to announce it, and we were excited to hear it.

When Mom makes dinner its always at least three courses, and she always offers you bread and butter. We always had a glass of milk and candlelight. She has a flair for presentation- she would arrange the food, add garnishes, and bring the big dishes to the table. You serve yourself, as much or as little as you'd like. She used brown or wild rice, was careful about how well the meat was cooked, and packed the salads. Light on the lettuce, heavy on the healthy stuff. She is incredibly creative in the kitchen, and got increasingly so with every passing year. She can make a meal out of anything, and can visualize a quick, healthy snack without even looking in the fridge. When we were growing up she cut cheese from blocks (none of this pre-sliced extravagance) she bought heads of lettuce, just-pulled-from-the-ground carrots. Our fridge could sometimes look like a farmer's ice box from the forties. It was real food, and it was really good.

We were your average unappreciative kids who just didn't know better. We said our pleases and thank yous and helped set the table, but we dawdled when it was time for dinner, and we had to be reminded to comment on how good it was. Mom loved us. She could tell by the way I quieted down, and Steph danced in her chair that we loved a meal.

We had no idea how much work it took to put a meal like that on the table night after night, much less how wonderful it was that she loved it and poured love into it. Not every night was magical, of course, this isn't some kind of perfectly polished television show. But there was scarcely a night that she didn't put forth the love and the effort, hoping for the magic. She taught me so much about nutrition and caring for my body and what went into it. She taught me how to be comfortable in your kitchen, to experiment, try again and to care about the process, not the perfection. Dad taught me not to rush through a meal and to avoid talking business at the table. It's a time to relax, to savor, to smile over dancing candlelight at the ones you love.

Cheers to that.

2011 Smells Good

2011-01-08T15:01:00.000-08:00

I was just taking the garbage out, and noticed the fresh, cold, familiar smell of newness. Cal Poly used to smell like this in the Spring. It is a new-friends, new-opportunities, who-knows-what-cool-stuff-is-gonna-happen smell, and its incredible! New things:
         1. Scott is right now helping our friends Sarah and David move into their super cute house just across the freeway from us. Thrilled!
         2. A routine is beginning to take shape for Ben and I. The little rituals that we do everyday, like a story and a song before napping in the crib... or playing in his high chair in the morning that will eventually turn into breakfast time... I can see them emerging.
         3. Our living room has achieved permanent child play area status. The only thing missing are some safety gates.
         4. Today was Ben's second ride in the stroller without his car seat. It is also his second day of falling asleep by himself without rocking and shushing and bouncing. Lots of crying, but last night he slept better than he has in weeks, and seems uncomfortable when I try to hold him and rock him. It looks like he just needs to do his thing and work it out. The way he used to cry in the first three months would evoke such a palpable anxiety in me that I could never just leave him to it. These days, his cry sounds okay. I don't know how to explain it. Angry, not anxious. He is getting bigger and I know he knows I am here, because his attitude doesn't seem to change even when I do come in and wipe his eyes and give him a pacifier. He just looks at me and keeps crying. I feel good, he sleeps better... its not a radical change, he's just ready to adjust that last bit. Its a new year and he is growing so fast.

We have his two month appointment on Thursday. Can't wait! This last week has made a huge difference. Its just getting easier every month. Thank goodness!!

New Year Lift...off?

2011-01-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

Christmas was crazy. Lots of bit-off-more-than-I-ended-up-chewing... but the social circus that I did tip my toe into was just super high quality. Kirby and Emily arrived with my sister about a week before the big day, and Kib and Em stayed for about three days. They were great days. Ben just loved Emily and would spend all this time just gazing at her prettiness. It was love. And Kirby apparently is hysterical. He could be a stand up comic for babies. Ben finally let loose with his first laugh- which was, predictably, more of a quiet little flutter stutter. That kid is one tough sell. Like his Dad, he doesn't quite see the point in displaying emotion on the outside. He has huge smiles in the mornings, but if he's into it, usually the most you will get is some widened eyes. Also predictably, no repeat laughing since. It was the same when he began smiling- he let one beautiful warm smile go, and then we didn't see it again for weeks.

Grandma and Grandpa arrived as Kirby and Emily left, and wow that was awesome. They are such amazing grandparents. They love to spend time with Ben, and not just the easy fun stuff. I try to let them know that they can just enjoy the frosting, they don't really have to do the bouncing and shushing and fussing thing. But they don't listen! They deal with the tears and the screaming and the diaper changes with the same loving awe as the smiles and cuddling. Amazing grandparents. They took Ben in turns with Scott and my sister, and I was able to make a book! I received a Wacom tablet for Christmas this year and I wrote and illustrated "Merry Christmas Monkey" for Kelly's son Zach. Steph and I were talking about the Llama Llama children's books that I love, and Zach and his monkey, and out came a rhyme! Then another! And after forty some-odd hours and one completely numb finger, a book was born. It was intense, but the feeling of exploding with all that creative thinking was exhilirating. It always makes me feel useful and unique when I can produce something like that. And it was all because of the Grandma/Grandpa time that Ben was getting. After that we were able to spend a day with the Schmalbachs, and Ben saw Dean rolling over, and he has to do everything Dean does.

Ben is almost four months old! Just a few more days. His latest mission is to turn over. Yesterday he made it from front to back, but he really wants to do back to front. He gets really upset when he can't do it. He is still obsessed with being bounced on the exercise ball to go down for naps. He still needs to be swaddled and he will take his pacifier when hes tired, but only for a minute usually. He "talks" ALL the time and is getting better at holding his toys, although he can only really hold onto thin rings and washcloths right now. Everyday he is becoming more aware of the world and more fun to play with. This year is going to bring a lot of new things for our little man. We also went out on our first official date on 12/30! It was nice to be out together, but luckily we get a lot of one-on-one time in the evenings after Ben goes to sleep around 7. Last night we spent our evening together taking down all the Christmas decorations.

Usually taking down Christmas really bums me out for awhile, but this year I'm excited. The house was feeling really small and crowded with all the baby things plus the tree and I was feeling a bit claustrophobic. On top of that, one of my best friends is moving from Paso to Arroyo Grande and the new year means she will be settled in her new house and we will be able to get together much more often. Her baby girl is almost ten months old and is so much fun. They will have a little playroom in the front of the house, and when we take the tree down we are setting up a little play area in our living room, too. There are two baby gates parked in our living room in boxes, waiting to be installed, and there is a toy storage bin on its way to our house- to be stuffed with books, stuffed animals and other fun things!

Ben taking a wonderful Emily nap

First Christmas!

First Laugh

Grandma time

Opening some early presents

Grandpa with the burrito baby

with Dean, who DOES smile all the time!

Chrsitmas morning with his stocking

trying so hard to be just like Dean

First Post-Ben Date

Happy New Year!

This one is just super cute....

So the new year means play time with our friends, more learning and growing for Ben and its time for me to start cutting down on sugars and getting more exercise. By the time Spring is here, I am excited to see what our family pictures will look like. Yay for 2011!

Coming Out of Hiding

2010-12-10T12:23:00.000-08:00

Okay so Ben is three months now, and the latest news is that he is glued to Mama like white on rice. He was having these awful screaming jags and was completely impossible to soothe. It would usually start when I would try to get him to take a nap- either holding him, putting him in his crib, or in the swing or bouncer, whatever. Once he would get going, nothing I could do would calm him down. He even lost his little voice from screaming! It was terrible and had me in tears and counting slowly to 20 on more than one occasion. I thought maybe I wasn't getting him out enough, because with a good enough major distraction (Paula Deen's cooking show, or standing on our driveway bouncing) sometimes he would quiet down for a few minutes at a time. So I tried taking him for walks or to people's houses, but it didn't seem to improve his mood on the whole. Sometimes he would cry the whole time, sometimes not.

Then I went to my friend Virginia's house for a playdate (she has twins, Ben and Kylie, who are a month older than our Ben) and she has a couple of exercise balls. That did it, I bought one. I also just completely gave up trying to put him down while he is trying to sleep or sleeping. So here I am, with Ben strapped to my chest, bouncing up and down while I write this. And he has been asleep for like an hour like this. I can't get much done like this (except for shopping- he will cry all the way there, but once in the Moby he will be quiet and happy the whole time). I did awkwardly wrap a present and change out some photos in frames, but obviously can't vacuum or take a shower. I really need to shower, but last night I exchanged shower time for more sleep time, and I'm not sorry!

Anyway, now that he sleeps more at naptime, he sleeps better at night. He cries less the more he is close to me and smiles and talks more. So, at least for the near future, I am building some serious leg and back muscles. Here is a smile to brighten your weekend:

Now, wouldn't you do anything to see that everyday?

Finding My Grip

2010-12-01T16:59:00.000-08:00

Ben will be three months old this weekend. It is like a constant, daily work out. I struggle every day past the muscle soreness, fatigue, and self doubt to make it another day as the best mom that I can be. It is a wonderful struggle, like working out. It is so hard to push your body and mind past the protesting and on to higher performance, but it feels incredible when you fall into bed at night feeling like you gave your all to something so worthwhile. Some days he scares me- he cries much longer and harder than I ever thought he would. He sleeps longer during the day than I thought he would. He doesn't calm down when I change his diaper, clean out his nose, swaddle him, jiggle him, shush him, sing to him, rock him, take him outside... and finally he just wears himself out, and I never find the answer. The next day he is like a completely different kid- he smiles, coos, falls asleep with just a little fussing, talks during his diaper changes, and plays without melting down. Then I feel like I know what I'm doing. He is gaining weight, he is healthy, and he sleeps great at night. Overall, I do feel like I am doing my best and accomplishing my goals.

I went on a long six mile walk with a group of mommies. We all have babies within weeks of each other- there are five of us and our babies span in age from 2 1/2 to 4 1/2 months, a really small margin. Three girls and two boys. We have been getting together once a week for awhile now and its very motivating! I can't believe I did that walk, I feel so alive again! Even though I was so exhausted, I feel rejuvinated. Suddenly whatever needs to get done doesn't feel so hard.

Tonight I have a GNO (Girls' Night Out). I am so excited! I am wearing clothes that are frilly and difficult to launder. I am wearing a non-nursing bra. I am wearing heeled boots and will strive NOT to talk about babies. Its going to be great. Oh! Scott is home already, my night has begun!

Ben is Two Months!

2010-11-06T15:14:00.000-07:00

And I love using cloth diapers. Disposables are fine, too, I have nothing against them. They are easy, trim and quick. But I get a very accomplished feeling knowing how much less waste I have made for the earth, and putting soft cloth against my baby's skin- I gotta say- that feels great, too. Plus, what a community there is out there! So much support and fun things to try and discuss. I feel like a modern mama. We now have 14 Bum Geniuses, which I use for night time diapers, and I have learned how to wash them myself, which is a laugh because it is so easy. (Cold rinse, add detergent, hot wash, hang dry. Put absorbent inserts into the dryer on low). When he starts solids I will have to spray them off into the toilet before throwing them into the washer. Either that, or I can lay a liner in the diaper, and peel that off into the toilet. That will be a little more smelly. Right now, its a breeze. Thank you, breast milk! We still use prefolds and covers through our service, Central Coast Diaper Service. See all the details on life with prefolds in my previous blog, (LLCool B, Ladies Love Cool Ben).

So Ben is now batting at his toys, cooing and squealing, kicking his legs more and he can see so much more. I catch him noticing things further and further away, like the television. So exciting. His preferences have changed, from the swing to the bouncer. He sleeps pretty well, still waking up about twice a night, but he sleeps pretty consistently from 7p to 12:30a at least. It takes me about an hour to feed, change and put him back to sleep. I just Netflix-ed "Happiest Baby On the Block". Kris recommended it because she loved the toddler version- it was fantastic! I had heard some of the techniques in our Baby Basics class, but somehow seeing him demonstrate it on infant after infant just clicked. I immediately tried them and it worked just like in the video! Incredible. This is going to make my life so much easier.