Updates

Okay, so everything is changing at lightspeed right now. Which is ultimately okay, I am just trying to separate out what is good for our family, in regards to Scott's work, and what we just want to do (which is stay put). If I had to narrow down my goals in life to one tagline, it would be: Be Brave. I just want to be brave and have the courage to change, and live, and grow, and make the tough decisions. I want to be brave enough to choose love. I want to be strong enough to swallow my whining and do the work. I want to be brave and not run out and try to "save" other people when I am afraid. I want to be strong enough to drop the things that aren't important, or that do more harm than good. Be brave enough to make good choices, even when that is hard.

But sometimes figuring out what the right choices are is complicated, and deciding whether taking risks with Scott's job is brave or just childish is a tough one right now. It's also hard to know whether we are,  in fact, taking big risks or simply doing the next right thing for us. No idea right now.

The job in San Diego is not really open yet, is what they are telling us. Scott's end date here and their start date leave a gap in the middle that needs filling. How we want to handle that is the current debate. We need to handle that gap with care, and the other people on Scott's team and their best interests are also in our hearts. We may not be able to jump on that opportunity at all, especially when you weigh it against perhaps being able to stay here (which is such a gamble), it all feels a little overwhelming.

I don't want this wavering over when we may need to relocate, or how, to stop me from changing the things I want to change. I want to move out of this house. I want to have another child. Those things are going to take huge amounts of work and stress, and I don't want this Hokey Pokey game with Scott's job to make us feel like we can't handle our life at home. Because ultimately, our family is first. So we either need to do the safe thing (which isn't our ideal choice) because it will lighten the stress on our personal life, or decide that we will take it on and be fine with whatever happens. Be brave enough to do the work (move with kids, deal with ambiguity and risk and toddlers) with the hope that we will get what we want out of it, which is to live here on the Central Coast. Or in San Diego.

Anyway, blah blah. The simple obvious truth is that I am severely tired. We will figure this out. The other update is that I am figuring out the blog and it will be up and functional with pictures, as soon as I get some time and energy back. It's in the works.

Think pretty-blog thoughts! Be back soon.

 

Our Beautiful Growing Boy

 Happy Weekend! Just checking in with some photos that I love from this week. Ben has been up and down lately, mood swings all over the place. Sometimes he will sleep easily, wake happily and learn in leaps and bounds. Then there are days like today, where he wakes up crying and his patience is short for the rest of the day. He wants to walk and crawl now. A toy being just out of reach is enough to make him start crying. Poor kid.

One more beauty from swim class on Friday. Happy guys.

We went out to dinner for our fifth wedding anniversary last night. It was a beautiful dinner, at a restaurant posed right on a cliff in Shell Beach. We waited on the balcony, watching the waves crash into the rocks, talking about parenthood and whatever came to mind. Our table was in the middle of a wall of windows, where we could watch the sunset while we ate. It was sublime.

Geez I love this kid. Even when he is acting bipolar. Check it out- cheerful...

Pouty. Two seconds flat.

These are some shots of last week's Super Baby Squad play date, at Colleen's cute house. It is so great meeting up with them every week, I think I would go crazy without Ben and I spending some time with our friends. Especially a nice big group. Amazing food doesn't hurt, either!

Niccole and Landon

Elena and Julie... and a gaggle of babies.

Scott and I are in bed, watching X-Men 2. Can you believe I can blog at the same time? Probably because it is scaring the heck out of me. In a good way, though. My sister is on her way to visit right now, I'm so excited to see her! Scott is taking care of the boy tomorrow (he golfed all day today)- what do you think we should do?

Marital Bliss Times Five

From the beginning he put me first. We are a team. 

 He is hilarious. Every so often he will say something when the room has fallen quiet that sets us all laughing. Especially at home, he is always cracking me up. He has a special talent for poking fun at the wife, I think that's where he gets his best material.

copyright Apps Photography

copyright Apps Photography

He likes to cuddle with me even though he says I'm like a heater. The only part of him that ever gets cold are his feet.

He says the best part of being a Dad is the cuddling. He likes to take naps with Ben on the couch.


 I love that he had details he wanted when it came to our wedding. He wanted me in a big white dress, he wanted a veil. See more about that in my big wedding post.

I love that he chose the song for our first dance as husband and wife. We didn't have a song that was significant to us when we were dating. Broken Road by Rascal Flatts came on the radio one night as he was heading home from work and he said it made him think of us.

I love travelling with him. I just love that he always remembers things that I forget, and has a talent for noticing details and checking things in advance. He just makes everything that much easier. We both like the same kind of travel- a little bit of planning and a lot of flexibility. Scotland and Ireland, that was an epic adventure. We had such a great time together and saw so much. In addition to being crazy for each other, we truly are great friends.

Fourth of July in DC can't be beat. I love that we were both as excited as a couple of fifth graders to be up on a roof in DC watching fireworks. There was even ice cream! Ryan Yates may as well have been a movie star, the doors he was opening for us that night. So much fun.

Plus, I love that before we had kids, and we would stay with friends- he would play with their kids, and jumps in to help. He will read to them, help them get their shoes on, play made-up games with them, whatever.

copyright Dan Shaw Photography

I love that we have a system for shutting down the house when we go to bed. Hehe, yes, really. There are a sequence of lights that are turned on and off in a particular order, doors locked, things gathered. If he is first into the bedroom he never remembers to turn on his lamp, but that's alright. It's pretty ridiculous that we go climb in bed together at the same exact time and wait for the other person to finish what they are working on so we can turn out the lights and cuddle up together, too. I love it, it's cute.

Getting pregnant- now that was a challenge. I am so proud of us for getting through that with very little strain on our relationship. It's a heavy thing to go through and I know there are strong bonds out there that have been battered and broken by infertility. It was tough but it made us stronger and ultimately, happier. We learned a lot from that journey and Ben is such a sweet reward.

copyright Dan Shaw Photography

I love that he sings to our baby.

I love that he takes care of the cats and gives them medicine when they need it.

I love that he can take care of Ben for an entire weekend with no fear if needed.

I love that I can tell him absolutely anything. Anything.


Happy Anniversary, Babe. Five more seems easy. A lifetime doesn't sound long enough.

This is our happily ever after.

copyright Dan Shaw Photography

Happy Summer!

I hope you guys are out and about in this gorgeous weather! Well, it's gorgeous here, anyway. The perfect temperature for shorts or a skirt, the skies are clear, even here at the beach! I think I may get a book or something and take Ben to the beach. Who knows, maybe I can get some friends to go with me.

In honor of summer, I thought I would include some photos from swim class that I took last week. The batteries ran out just before class started, which was a bummer, but I still got some cute ones. I was in such a foul mood right before we left, but seeing how happy Ben and Scott are at swim class never fails to have me back to my chipper self in no time. It's so stinkin' cute, all those babies flapping and splashing around. It would make anybody happier. It's like petting puppies in a pet store.

I think its so adorable how amped up he gets right before he "jumps" in. Arms out to his sides like airplane wings, jaw clenched, everything quivering with excitement and anticipation, and then, when Daddy says three.... squinch face!

Whew! Fun! They do this over and over throughout the swim lesson, and he loves it. It's pretty amazing to watch him go underwater and blink off the water like it's no big thang. What a big boy.

Speaking of, this big boy just turned ten months old. He is so darn cute. He can pull up and cruise all over the living room. It won't be long now before he is toddling around getting into everything. He has special interest in things with sharp corners. Yippee.

Five Years Ago...

My sister graduated from highschool.

I was so proud. She has since finished her bachelor's degree and half of her graduate degree. In just five years. Unbelievable.

Five years ago I had the most amazing bachelorette weekend in Lake Tahoe. Epic.

Five years ago we bought our house. We've since redone the front yard, but the rest is still home sweet home.

And five years ago, we got married. It was a very busy and wonderful year, and I think about it all the time...

It's a Simple Life

It's been pretty quiet around here, and for the most part we have just been hangin at home, solidifying a routine and trying to get into the habit of being active every day. So, I am working on a Top Three for July, but in the meantime, I thought I would update you on our latest photos and happenings:

I've been a little obsessed with these rise overnight TJ's croissants, don't they look yummy? I couldn't wait, I ate one before I even grabbed the camera.

I love these faces he makes, they are just hysterical!

On a beautiful morning last week, Ben just didn't want to say goodbye to Daddy. When he walked away from his crib that morning, he cried out for him! When Scott left for work, I opened up the front door so that he could watch him pull away.

And then he waved goodbye! So sweet. I wish Scott could have seen it.

We got Ben a new highchair awhile back. It's just like the restaurant highchairs, except that it's stain is dark and it matches our dining set. It was only forty bucks at Target and the height is perfect. He pulls right up to our table and he loves that. We have family dinners together at about six every night and we try to give him what we are having, plus a bit of baby food to fill him up, he's quite an eater.

This last weekend we headed up to the Bay Area for a wedding and Ben stayed with Grandma and Grandpa for the evening. We had a wonderful time out together and I know those three had a ball, too. Ben has gotten to the age where I would bet that he even recognizes the smell of his grandparents' house. When we bring him in from the car and transfer him into the playard, he just rolls over and goes right to sleep until morning. I think he knows exactly where he is and if he wakes during the night he isn't afraid. He is all smiles when he sees his grandparents and immediately lets them take over.

 We had a great time at Mike and Renee's wedding. It was beautiful, and fun, and the food was delicious. I even got Scott out on the dance floor! So we have been having a wonderful couple of weeks.

This week, Ben is extremely fussy even as he is making huge leaps and bounds learning how to crawl. No matter if he has a clean diaper and a full tummy, he is just fussing the whole time he is playing. His teeth are all in, so who knows what's going on with him. He must be having some growing pains. Mama is having some growing pains, too, now. He is so darn cute, though, I think we will get through it. Hope all of you are enjoying your summer!

Lazy Weekends

Brace yourself for a wild and exciting peek into our lives! My favorite type of weekend is the one with no plans. Or maybe one barbeque planned for Saturday, but the rest is just ad lib. These are the weekends we are most likely to jump in the car and drive around. I love running errands with my boys on the weekend. It's just as relaxed as being at home, but we get to explore and get things done. Ben calls Grandpa from the back seat, Scott holds my hand, I smacktalk about other drivers even when I'm not driving.

This is Scott after admitting he was going the wrong way. Hates being wrong. I told him to make his best "I'm lost" face and he wouldn't do it. He didn't want to be caught on the blog in front of you nice people. I caught him pulling this move a bit down the road. "Gotcha!"

We usually get some good catching up done in the car, on the weekends. We talk about why Ben has been waking up the last few nights, whether we should buy a new carseat, hire a realtor, and are we spending too much on groceries? During this trip, besides returning a dress to Old Navy (and ahem, buying more stuff...) we drove around listening to a parenting CD my mommy group had given me and comparing notes. Pretty much I trapped Scott in the car. Captive audience. But still, he listened and made comments. Awesome guy that he is.

Scott killed the last keg of beer in our kegerator last week, so we were off to get some brewing ingredients from Doc's.

Ben loved trying to open those lids with his fat little hands. Super cute. So after our fun little stint around SLO (with a detour or two for no reason- still fun) we came home and lounged around the house, just the way we like it. This is one of my favorite pictures of all time below- for some reason the mundane, everyday, constantness of this subject matter cracks me up. Smell for poopies. What a life.

How cute are his little kicky legs? Please excuse my husband's weekend wear. I prefer him this way, but you know. I love him. So this weekend is Father's Day, Scott's very first. He's got a tee time (but of course) on Saturday and then Sunday I figure I'll just wait on him hand and foot, that should work, right?

Pretty glad there's a holiday about him. He's hot.

Have a great weekend!!

Top Three

Possibilities For The Next Thing Ben Masters:

1. Crawling
 He is doing that rocking thing, and is flailing around on his tummy and kicking his feet.

2. Pulling Up
He just needs me for balance now, he really almost has it.
3. Flying

If he would just flap his arms a little faster, or maybe he just needs to lift his head a bit more.






























Signs That Scott is Still Pretty OCD:

1. There are rules for loading the dishwasher.
He should probably make a laminated layout so that we can attach it to the front for guests.
It would look something like this:

2. Even hobbies should be quanitifiable.  What makes a hobby even more fun? Oh, ya. Spreadsheets and graphs. Don't you think? His latest is BrewPal, the app for my iTouch:

image from here

Looks fun, right? Well, maybe to some of you it does. Looks more like a buzzkill than a hobby to the wife.






3. Once something belongs somewhere, it needs to stay there.

Gargantuan clock

He has decided it is illegal to re-arrange. Specifically, the two things I have ever moved are: the paper towel roll and one of the three clocks we have in the living room. Three, people. Three. One of them is gargantuan and hangs over the fireplace. You can figure out the time from anywhere in here. But, still, both of us check the new picture frame for the time before we leave.









Frustrating Baby Things:

1. Baby wipes
They don't wipe anything, more often it just looks like I'm trying to paper mache Ben's little baby butt.
2. Formula
DIS. GUSS. TANG. Lumpy, sticks to everything from the microwave to the floor but avoids water or the inside of the bottle. Smells horrid. On the up side, Ben seems to like it.
3. Bottles.
Making them, and cleaning them, specifically. I have nothing more witty to say on the subject other than this is CONSTANT and BOOBS ARE WAY EASIER!











Random Bonus Funniness:

Scott wrote me a program to title my pictures with the time and date. He named it Autosave. Recently I found a bug that prevents it from working with more than 100 items at a time. Worse, it will randomly choose those items, which makes the result confusing. To make a living, he works on a huge launch program for the Air Force. Thats a simplified way to explain what he does. So, when I came to him with my fix-it needs, he told me I should fill out a bug report. This is how it looked when I was through with it:

what happened: it gave me crap.

what should have happened: it shouldn't have given me crap.

what computer were you using: your mom.

steps to reproduce the problem: try to use it.

recommended severity: threat to national security. code purple.

impact: I got really pissed off.

in short- it will only autosave a limit of 100 items. so I have to split up the photos/videos into two folders and do it twice. I didn't really get pissed off. that part was a lie. And also, the computer I was using had nothing to do with your mom. That was also a lie.

-------I'm nothing if not honest.

Scott is obsessed with Tiger Woods Golf lately and he says the game cheats. I don't understand why that comes as a surprise to him. It is Tiger's game, after all.

We either have mice, or I need to stop handing things to Ben at the grocery store.