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Strange thoughts while feeding Ben:

1. So glad we accidentally bought a real wood table. Because Ben likes to chew on it. I hope they also accidentally used a lead-free stain. No seriously, I can't get him to stop trying to eat the table.

2. Scott was opening jar after jar of baby food, when Ben was especially ravenous (and I hadn't cooked), and he commented that he may as well be feeding him one dollar bills. Maybe one dollar bills coated in sweet potato.

3. So this morning I started singing "Forever Young" in my head while I was getting ready to feed Ben. To answer your burning question, I have no idea if it was the original or the remix because I was just singing the chorus over and over again. After breakfast I turned on 30 Rock and they started playing the song- so clearly, I am now psychic. Probably not in a way that is useful.

Actions that have led to my obvious feelings of superior intelligence:

1. Choosing a new carseat with care. This kind of attention to detail is important. It ensures that his next carseat will include a cup holder. However, it does not ensure that the carseat that you had shipped to your house will be able to be installed rear-facing. Extra points if you are informed of this by the police officer attempting to install it in your car. Nice.

2. Choosing age appropriate products for my child. We have a bunch of level one nipples and one level two nipple for Ben. One day it took so long for Ben to drink his bottle that he just plain gave up. Not ever thinking about this we finally looked it up and realized that for his age he should be using a level four. We got about six of them, loaded one up, and he immediately drowned his own eyeball in milk. Hmm. Back to our single #2. We use it for every bottle. I could probably go to the store and buy more.

3. "Home" Making. We have the "water guy" (water softener) and the gardeners (a new and much appreciated addition). They both come on Thursdays. However, we can't figure out which Thursdays are which, and for whom. There is more than one morning I went running down the stairs without so much as throwing a robe on, to unlock the garage door just in time for the water guy. The first month we had the gardeners, we called them, all concerned that they didn't show that day. Their response was... they came last week. Seriously. It's a good thing the biggest thing I have to manage is a house.

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Possibilities For The Next Thing Ben Masters:

1. Crawling
 He is doing that rocking thing, and is flailing around on his tummy and kicking his feet.

2. Pulling Up
He just needs me for balance now, he really almost has it.
3. Flying

If he would just flap his arms a little faster, or maybe he just needs to lift his head a bit more.






























Signs That Scott is Still Pretty OCD:

1. There are rules for loading the dishwasher.
He should probably make a laminated layout so that we can attach it to the front for guests.
It would look something like this:

2. Even hobbies should be quanitifiable.  What makes a hobby even more fun? Oh, ya. Spreadsheets and graphs. Don't you think? His latest is BrewPal, the app for my iTouch:

image from here

Looks fun, right? Well, maybe to some of you it does. Looks more like a buzzkill than a hobby to the wife.






3. Once something belongs somewhere, it needs to stay there.

Gargantuan clock

He has decided it is illegal to re-arrange. Specifically, the two things I have ever moved are: the paper towel roll and one of the three clocks we have in the living room. Three, people. Three. One of them is gargantuan and hangs over the fireplace. You can figure out the time from anywhere in here. But, still, both of us check the new picture frame for the time before we leave.









Frustrating Baby Things:

1. Baby wipes
They don't wipe anything, more often it just looks like I'm trying to paper mache Ben's little baby butt.
2. Formula
DIS. GUSS. TANG. Lumpy, sticks to everything from the microwave to the floor but avoids water or the inside of the bottle. Smells horrid. On the up side, Ben seems to like it.
3. Bottles.
Making them, and cleaning them, specifically. I have nothing more witty to say on the subject other than this is CONSTANT and BOOBS ARE WAY EASIER!











Random Bonus Funniness:

Scott wrote me a program to title my pictures with the time and date. He named it Autosave. Recently I found a bug that prevents it from working with more than 100 items at a time. Worse, it will randomly choose those items, which makes the result confusing. To make a living, he works on a huge launch program for the Air Force. Thats a simplified way to explain what he does. So, when I came to him with my fix-it needs, he told me I should fill out a bug report. This is how it looked when I was through with it:

what happened: it gave me crap.

what should have happened: it shouldn't have given me crap.

what computer were you using: your mom.

steps to reproduce the problem: try to use it.

recommended severity: threat to national security. code purple.

impact: I got really pissed off.

in short- it will only autosave a limit of 100 items. so I have to split up the photos/videos into two folders and do it twice. I didn't really get pissed off. that part was a lie. And also, the computer I was using had nothing to do with your mom. That was also a lie.

-------I'm nothing if not honest.

Scott is obsessed with Tiger Woods Golf lately and he says the game cheats. I don't understand why that comes as a surprise to him. It is Tiger's game, after all.

We either have mice, or I need to stop handing things to Ben at the grocery store.

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Search Keywords That Will Somehow Take You To This Here Blog. (Or it did for these poor people)

1. the middle of a relationship
Well, I guess I am technically in "the middle" of my relationship. With Scott, I'm assuming? I don't quite remember broadcasting that assumption at any point, but if you guys see a subtitle that includes this little phrase, that would explain things. I have no idea what answers this person was looking for, but maybe looking around this little spot scared them off helped them out with that.

2. "knight flight batman" remote doesn't work
Sigh, yes it does. The thing is, it eats up all the power its battery can hold in about five extraordinary, crash-into-all-your-lamps-and-plants minutes. Check this out if you're confused.

3. ie goodlife pest repeller worth it
I could just start using these as post suggestions. Please write your next post about pest repell...er... because apparently that is what your target demographic is really looking for. Noted. Thank you, gentle reader.



Scott's Guilty Pleasure TV Shows.

1. Chelsea Lately
He says sometimes he thinks she looks good and sometimes... "not good". He doesn't get what that's about. That may be what keeps him coming back. Gotta see if Chelsea looks hot today. He asks me to analyze her look and tell me why this inconsistency continues. My only idea so far is perhaps she has a manic depressive stylist?

2.The Dish Earth Channel
Seriously, a live video of earth from space. He will leave it on in the background all day. The guy just loves space. He will just stare at space. Or, more accurately... take a nap in front of space.

3. TMZ
It all started with Tiger Woods and his whole infidelity scandal and suddenly he's addicted. Tiger was like his crossover hit. It also kind of happened around the time he got hooked on Top 40 music. And started loving Justin Bieber... maybe he's having a mid-life crisis. Now he wants to grow out his hair like The Bieb and I am telling you I will cut it in his sleep if he tries it. I mean, come on...

I just can't let it happen.

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Habits of Mine That Annoy My Husband:

1) Only wanting his attention when he is trying to get something done. I argue that changing into his pajamas is not a pressing enough task to justify ignoring me and my need for enthusiastic kissing.

2) Refusing to clean out the refrigerator. Scott: Is this chicken still good? Me: No. Scott: [blank stare]

3) Leaving small bits of food on my plate after every meal. (Example: bread crust corners and grapes rejected based on size and lack of firmness) He says I am "pouring one out for my homies".





Drawbacks to Having the Cats Outside:

1) The garage floor is now covered in litter. Still, better than our bedroom floor, in my opinion. Scott still attests that it's worse on concrete. Whatever.

2) Chubba jumps over the fence into the neighbor's yard every day, then sits there and cries until one of us notices. They are never home, so Scott inevitably has to walk around the block, break some laws to get in there, only to find her now hiding under the deck and refusing to come out.

3) We find fight club rings on our lawn made out of cat hair. Scott thinks the other cats are trying to jump Chubba into their gang. I make Scott herd them into the garage at night so I can sleep easier.


Random Things My Husband Has Bought Online

&%$# woot. Pardon my use of unreadable symbols.

1) Knight Flight Batman. Batman figurine uses twin propellers to fly forward, sideways, up and down (not backwards). Uses infrared remote.
Me: "What are you going to use this for?"
Scott: "Um, to fly?"

2) BIOS Home Weather Station. With PC Link Interface... whatever that means. Includes: wind sensor, rain sensor, temperature sensor and transmitter, wireless LCD monitor with PC weather analyzer software, I am cracking up as I'm reading this...

Current use? Footrest. Not even kidding.

3) USB Missile Launcher. It also came with a software program. Scott proceeds to take it to work and plug it into his work computer and use it to shoot his coworkers. And he was promoted to management. Your tax dollars at work, people. Anyway, the IT department calls him and it goes something like this:

IT: We've detected innappropriate software on your computer.
Scott: Oh, which program?
IT: Um, "missile command software"?
Scott: Uhhh... I have no idea what you're talking about....
IT: We can send someone down there to help you uninstall it if necessary.
Scott: MMmmmm, nah I can take care of it.
IT: Thank you.

Busted.

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Top Three: Favorite dreams I have had since Ben was born.

1. Scott wearing Stephanie's cardigan out and about and being hurt when I laughed at him. His reasoning? He was cold. I shouldn't have laughed, it really did flatter his Popeye muscles.

2. Sitting on an airplane with a few friends, the plane tilts forward at a frightening angle and our cups of water fall out of the cup holders and tumble to the front of the plane. Later on the flight attendant announces that he is testing the cups for DNA, since it is imperative that the airline discovers who would be so rude as to hurl their cups at the front of the plane.

3. Attempting to seduce Scott, but everytime he begins to reciprocate, I fall asleep (that's a classic for first time parenting, don't you think?)

Top Three: Things that belong on a coaster, a household-wide study.

1. Remote Controls

2. Cell Phones, which apparently trump remote controls.

3.  Etcetera.

Top Three: Quotes from my husband. That I remembered to write down.

1. After clicking on a pop-up that was all but screaming "computer eating virus!" I asked him why in the world he would do such a thing. He replied, "I just wanted to put myself in the pants of an old person." Maybe a review of common sayings is in order.

2. "Two women chatting at a stop sign should be the symbol for infinity, not that twirly thing."

3. "What do you mean by 'on the fence'? You made that up, didn't you?!"
I refer back to #1.

Give me your top three list!