New Family Photos!

The day before Ben was baptized, we met up with our great friend Dan, of Dan Shaw Photography, and took some new family photos at Lake Elizabeth in Fremont. These are most of my favorites.

It's really making me want to take down everything in my home, put in new pictures, spray paint frames, make new art, and put it all back up. Sounds exhausting.

With Mom and Dad and his Godparents, Scott (Smalls) and my sister Stephanie, who were also
our best man and maid of honor.

 This is squinch face. We see it a lot these days. I don't know where it comes from, but he will squeeze his eyes shut and breathe really fast in and out of his nose, its so adorable and funny. Check out the "gelled" hair (baby wipe gel). We had a little bit of crazy bedhead goin on before the photo shoot and had to slick that wispy stuff down.

My tired boy was ready for a nap the minute we got there. What you don't see is the five other people literally jumping up and down behind Dan, yelling and shaking toys in the air. Ben cracked about two smiles and was spent. Oh well!

I Always Feel Like... Somebody's Watchin' Me...

I love blogs. I read them over breakfast when my phone-call-away friends aren't awake yet. Because I shouldn't be awake yet. I've listed some of my blogsessions to the right over there. But they are sponsored and generally expect creepersons to be reading regularly. Other than that, I read my friends' wonderful blogs to catch up on what they are up to. So here comes a confession: recently I stumbled across a blog written by someone that I don't know. I knew her husband like a million years ago, and he was/is hilarious. Well, so is she. And now I am obsessively reading life details about this girl who wouldn't know me if we met face to face and shook hands. But I would be jumping up and down wanting to hug her and make inside jokes about her dog, or something equally awkward. It's shameful! I feel like such a crazy stalker! Is this where my obsessive blog reading has led me? I should just go back to reading tabloids, that's so much more acceptable. I love her blog. I mean, laughing so hard, by myself, on the couch... reading it aloud to my husband kind of love. I am a crazy person.

I finally just called myself out and told my friend from a million years ago that his wife is awesome and writes a killer blog. I am such a stalker. I made the mistake of telling Ben and he won't stop looking at me with disapproval:

photo by Kerry Ko

Judgy McJudger.

So I can't be the only blogger in the world who finds the stats page addictive and insanity-inducing.

You can find some really crazy stats, but they are super general, like what country people are reading from. I know three people that live in Australia, so chances are that's who is reading down under. But four hundred views from the US of A doesn't really narrow it down. So, no, usually I don't know if you're reading. Unless you are Keturah. Pretty soon here my readership from the UK is going to plummet by one and be replaced by a small Swedish following. Psychic? No, I just know my adventurous friend is about to move. And who in the heck has access to an American blog in Iran?? I try not to think about it.

Thanks to my friends who post a link to my blog on their blogs. You can see them right up there above the map, and how often they are used to click over here. This is also where I can see the random and hilarious search keywords that lead people to my blog. I talk about them in last month's Top Three.

I try not to get too caught up in how many people are reading and when, but lets be real. That's really hard!

So, thanks to my unhealthy addiction/reader feedback, I can tell you that I have around fifty readers that read every single post. Some of them comment on Facebook, which is great. And honestly, they are probably made up of family and friends. But now that I have my random-obsession blog, I am thinking that maybe one or two are having the same stalkerish guiltfest that I have been having lately. SO. If that is you-

Dear Random Reader That I Would Not Recognize Even If We Were Shaking Hands,

   Don't feel bad! I get an irrational jump in self esteem out of the fact that you read my random musings, and it's great. Feel free to follow my blog even if I don't know you. Feel free to comment on every single post, even the older ones, I will make giggly sixth grader noises if you do and show my husband. Then I will attempt to act super cool and smooth about it when I comment back. If you are taking the time and patience to read a little of my craziness, you are probably a very cool person and I'm happy to have you in my Blogiverse. Oh God. I'm such a nerd.

Okay, love you! Oops. I mean, catch you 'round... sometime. Maybe.

xoxo

Mary

Those Days... You Know The Ones...

I've been having Those Days lately. You know the days to which I refer. The ones you have to capitalize because they are horrible-terrible-no-good-very-bad types. No good really isn't true, because as crazy as things get, Ben just wafts happiness and light and fresh-baked cookie smell. Well, aside from the times he wafts teething and spit up smell. Moments, really. I continue to smell like vomit but he goes back to being impossibly adorable.

I digress. So, lately, here has been my schedule: wake up from a deep, deep sleep around 4:30 or 5am and lay there, either arguing with someone I've made up, or just dealing with the chest pounding hangover I got from a really bad nightmare. This morning I was being chased, trying to call the police. Called them, hung up. Relief. Followed by the head-smacking realization that I didn't tell them where I was. Thankfully I woke up before I had to figure out how to get back to the phone. Scott was so engrossed by this turn of events that he kept his eyes closed and patted me nicely on the arm as I told him the whole shocking tale. Maybe it will sink in after his morning meeting and he will call me: "Darling, you poor thing!" No, just kidding, he doesn't call me darling, that would be weird.

So, attempting to learn from yesterday's hour-long argument with nobody, this morning I just got up and took a shower. I gave the baby a bottle in his crib, and then let him play in there for an hour while I made breakfast, and coffee, and read my blogs. They do not bring me important world news (thankfully) but they make me feel less insane. A laugh after a breathless middle-of-the-night run is good medicine.

How perfect are little baby feet? Ugh I never want to forget how round and fat they are! Love them.

We are out of food. To be more accurate, we are bored with the canned food we have at the bottom of the barrel. Bad, bad. Anyway, to prevent a take-out night, the other day I scooped Ben up on an impulse and tried to fit in a run to the store... I put him in a cart, picked up a nice looking plant, and checked my phone to see that my friend was on her way over. Darnit. Put down the plant, put the cart away and carried a puzzled looking Ben back to the car. This was the kind of day it was. I've been thinking of that little plant (and how nice it may someday look in the living room) ever since. Oh and Scott got this text: "i love YOU! wait til i tell u my hilarious trip to TJs! i got one potted plant, put it back, and drove home. wanna pick up dinner? lol" This is how take-out won and I was thwarted.

Oh and we are down to our last Snappi. Let me illustrate:

It's that thing that holds the diaper on. It works like one of those clips you put on an ace bandage? With the little teeth? It's kind of stretchy and it's genius trifecta thing keeps the diaper tightly squeezed onto Mr. Squirmy's little behind. Well, it broke. That little skinny handle part. Diapering a child trying to learn how to crawl is hard enough, I tell you. Trying to pinch some little tab because the handle is missing- it's too much. Especially if you haven't made coffee yet. So yesterday, Ben had pooped his usual quota amount for the day, and I thought- forget it. I'll just lay the diaper in the waterproof shell and he can pee in it to his heart's content for the next hour and a half.

I know, it's like a horror flick where the blonde chick just has to go downstairs to see what that noise was.

Soooo.... poop disaster. Soft, explosion type stuff. Ben is trying to cut his fifth tooth. I can see it up there, on top, on his left side, right next door to the front two, which are already huge. It's juuuuustthisclose to the skin and has to be absolutely killing him. So he is not a big fan of the diaper changes at the moment and is kicking and screaming. The minute I open up the disaster zone, he sticks an entire socky heel into the thing and as I'm trying to grab it, flailing about in the air, my hand gets streaked, and he manages to paint up his other leg, in under one friggin' second. After some strong, firm, OhmyGods and StopIts, I manage to get the diaper into the pail, the shell and the sock quarantined and a new diaper (with broken Snappi thankyou) onto this writhing little butt all without bringing harm to either the other sock or the changing pad cover. Olympic gold medalist? I believe so, yes.

Further reasons that it has been a couple of Those Days: if there is a cap that belongs on something, it needs to fall on the floor three times first. If I need to hide some laundry upstairs, Ben instantly becomes afraid of the Roomba and must be carried as well. I always somehow think this will work until half of the nice, neatly folded laundry does not make it all the way to point B but instead remains strewn across the stairs. The zipper on my pants has one broken tooth. At the bottom. Once you're past it, you're fine. It just takes about three beats too long to get past it, every single time I run to the bathroom. No biggie. Just chippin away at my sanity. After I took that headstart shower this morning, Ben's first order of business was to puke on my sweatered arm. Which I thought would be fine but now the smell is getting to me. Ugh. Sweater #2 on the way. Over breakfast, he puked again (???) right onto the table. Scott got this text message: "throw up is more fun than cheerios. says your son."

However, this kid could not be any more fabulous, even if he pooped and puked less often. As much as I get excited about someday having more, just having him feels like a puzzle piece found and in place. It's more than enough for now, just the way things are. I know from experience that I need to get a headstart or I will never get a chance to put on clothes and deodorant. But most mornings I just want to watch him wake up, scoop him up and take him to bed with me, where we can lay forehead to forehead, nose to nose. Where I can hear his loud little breaths and hold his little hands and kiss that spot right next to his tiny mouth. Watching him splash around at swim lessons, stare open-mouthed at the cats, and obsess over his cardboard airplane, is non-stop entertainment. He started scooting backwards last night and Scott and I just watched, riveted, giggling like crazy people.

He's trying so hard to talk. He's trying so hard to pull up and sit down (without falling on his melon and crying). He's trying so hard to crawl. He's obsessed with grown up food and literally yelled at his auntie for not sharing her fries last week. You should have seen it, the boy does not need words to communicate, just some grunt/scream hybrid noise and a withering look. Maybe some clenched fists thrown in for emphasis.

He's my baby, which is just a crazy dream come true. I honestly just want him to freeze right here and just be a baby for about a year more. I will probably feel like that next month, and the month after that. I would want him and love him no matter what, but I still try to stop and absorb that he is healthy, energetic, curious, and learning everything with no problems whatsoever. How crazy is that? I ache for the medical trials other families are going through right now. Nothing stays perfect forever, but this has been a blessing, and I recognize how huge it is. Every normal, drop-that-thing-three-friggin-times day that goes by, I appreciate it for what it is. Living the dream. Living the Good Life. 

Gift Card Giveaway- Show Some Teacha-Luv!

So, ever heard of Donors Choose? Well, basically its a charity system online that connects the donator (you) with a specific classroom project that a teacher has submitted for funding. You can search for a specific school or area, you can find projects that are the closest to completion, or schools that are located in high-poverty areas. I use the site fairly often, and every now and then they send me a $25 gift card to donate however I'd like. This time, they sent me FIVE!

When a project is completed, DonorsChoose purchases the item or items and delivers them to the school. Then the teacher posts photos of the kids using the materials and sends you a thank you letter. I recently chose a school in a high poverty area just outside my community. It was wonderful to think I could reach out and help kids in my own backyard who did not have access to seemingly basic learning tools. Here is the thank you letter I received:

Dear Mary,

We have been using the Weekly Readers on Wednesdays in class to lead powerful discussions on current events. The first set of articles I had the students read came the week of the November elections and it was so more useful to have students read the articles before asking them any questions about the election results.

Each Wednesday my students look forward to learning about events taking place beyond the classroom walls. We have had some interesting results from our discussions. As well they are able to make connections from one current event to another. For example, how violence in the war of drugs effected our political races, is just one of many connections the students are now making.

I continue to look forward to the magazines each week for the rest of the school year to see what impact they have on my students understanding of the world. In order to insure future learning I have been saving a digital copy of each magazine so that I can refer to the events in future years.

Thank you so much for helping my students understand more about the big world in which they reside. Everyone's support means so much to myself and my students.

 

With gratitude,
Mrs. I.

If you would like a gift card, comment on this post and I will send you the link and code through a facebook message (if we aren't facebook friends, let me know and we will figure it out). If there are more than five I will pick five using one of those fun random number generators... but since my average number of comments is usually three, it seems there for the takin'!

I have no qualms about using any unclaimed cards for myself. It's super fun.

Show some Teacha-Luv!!!

Cute Cuddly Flaws

If you are a regular reader of this blog, watch out, this is a huge spoiler: I have flaws. Glaring ones. I know, I know, your jaw is in your lap right now. Give yourself a moment to recover. You would have probably found this out sooner or later on your own (if you haven't already) but cheers to getting that out of the way so that you won't smack into it unawares sometime later down the road.

I used to think my flaws were meant to be hidden, pushed under water like baloons. When they finally broke the surface after a struggle, my face would burn and my palms would sweat. I have really found that by ignoring them, they seemed to multiply and become larger in their ambiguity. Due to the hazy nature of my relationships with them, they had more power over me because I could not call them by name. In addition, I lumped in other people's lists of what my flaws were- not questioning, just adopting those lists as my own.

My old self, as I knew her, had these flaws:

1. Clingy
2. Oversensitive
3. Analytical
4. Judgemental
5. Naive
6. Weak in Math, Science and Logic
7. Talkative
8. Unused Potential
9. Not Witty... no wit? nitwit? Are those things related?
10.  Body Flaws- don't get me started...

To name a few. Some of these are my own, some are other people's. Here is how I view this list now:

1. Clingy: also goes by the name High Maintenance. My boyfriends used to throw this one at me when I was younger. Some friends may come by it when they want to spend less time with me and I am still happily in the honeymoon phase. Not so much a problem when you have kids and have less time for everybody, including your partner, but still. I am not clingy. I may be less independent than some, and I feel- to each their own. I do like to spend time alone, I really enjoy that time and crave it. But I love to spend lots of time with my friends and my partner and you know, others don't as much. That's fine. It doesn't have to be better or worse than some other guy who's like "I am a rock, I am an iiiiiiiisland..." You want to be an island? Fine, dude. Don't rain on my love parade, just take your thang somewheres else.
2. Oversensitive: This is a popular one when someone is just plain being mean and doesn't want to 'fess up to it. I am not the person who asks you twenty times whether you are sure you really like me, or if you're just saying that to make me feel better. But I am the person who is going to call you on your hilarious joke about my complete lack of fashion, etiquette, or ability to be a decent human being. Thanks, but I can clearly see that you are trying to dress up mean in funny's clothing. Fail.
3. Analytical: This one I can own. It's a recreational activity for me and some people just hate it. If you hate it, then you'll see it as a flaw of mine. Even worse if I am having a really off day and combine it with the next one on the list. SSSSssssss..... bad, bad. But sometimes, when I'm around others that love it, it is a jam sesh and totally wonderful! So... flaw? Eh, may not be your thing and I'm good with playing whatever you want to play. Unless its in the blog world, then just skip the blogs labeled "Philosophizin'"... cause you'll hate those.
4. Judgemental: Ooo. Sometimes. It's usually inadvertent or a blurty moment. I'm a normal person and I have moments where "what's cool" gets confused in my head with "what's right". It's not good and when I catch it I try to correct it. I want to be a compassionate and open person, and make sure you know that I am aware your life is your own. Period. Not to be controlled by me.
5. Naive: Hm. Could be true of certain subjects. I mean, a lifetime isn't long enough to be seasoned in everything, not even most things. More often I hear this from people who think it equals friendly and optimistic. Not so. I am quite aware of the potential people have to make bad choices. I try to avoid focusing on bad choices, in most situations. In fewer situations, I try to avoid focusing on those that make them often. They have their reasons, but masochism is not my jam.
6. Weak in Math, Science and Logic: I was told this a lot, but it's not true. I was good at math in school, and enjoyed it, but I enjoyed English and Art more, plus that was what I got the most help with at home. I stopped studying math and it became an unused muscle. So yes, it's not my strong suit, but it's not an inate flaw.
7. Talkative: Yep, I looooove to talk! I don't see it as a flaw, this is one from someone else's list. If it's too much for you, I understand that. I don't know, cut back? Try smaller doses? I do try to listen, there is more value in that, really. But it's hard when I'm extra chipper or really fired up.
8. Unused Potential: I heard this a lot in school from my teachers. I had a hard time feeling motivated to get my work done. I understand that more now. I hear a lot from the media that my place in life isn't successful. I don't use my degree to make money and I stay home with my child. Blessed, but not impressive. I choose to view my life and what I do as a huge success. First, because it is an incredible challenge. Second, because it makes me unbelievably happy.
9. Not Witty: Geez, if I can't make you laugh, that is a huge bummer. But ya, maybe you prefer more cynical humor, or slapstick comedy (can't fall on my face over a blog... well, maybe if I figured out how to imbed video...) that's fine. I'm fine with it. I crack myself up and that is enough. Plus, every time someone tells me I am funny, I try to hear that instead. I am funny to them. Awesome.
10. Body Flaws: Oh, wow, I know everyone has a list! Mine started getting smaller the day I stopped blaming my body and started blaming myself for not taking good enough care of it. My body is doing it's best. Now, I believe that I can achieve most of the things I want (defined abs?) but I don't want to put in the time. So, I let it go. At least for now. Plus, there are things that don't make it on the front of magazines- a face covered in freckles, for example? But I saw a dermatologist last week who called my skin "perfect". Ahem, what? Clearly I am paying her enough...

My mission in this all-zits-revealed post is to send you this message, from me to you: if there is something other people don't like about you, don't just add it to your list. I did that, mostly without thinking, for a long time. I'm done with it. Look at the whole picture. Maybe you needed that trait to grow, protect yourself, cope with a hardship, or whatever. Be gentle and understanding. If you no longer need it, work on letting it go, but if it's something that is fine with you- go find someone that appreciates it. I promise you, there are a ton of people packed into this little world, and you are somebody's jam. Don't hang around letting someone else tell you what to add and trim. You're the only one that has to live in there, after all. Let it be a place you want to be.

Lots of Love.

Shaky Booty Time!

So, we are going to have a flood of wonderful, beautiful photos courtesy of our bestie Dan Shaw over at Dan Shaw Photography, in a couple of weeks. So I am holding off on the big Baptism post until I have those to share with you. It just seems incomplete without that day. But this one above is a little sneak peek. This little guy just loves being with Grandma and Grandpa.

In the middle of the Baptism Weekend Extravaganza I had a wonderful visit from my Chico girls, Ali and Kris and their little ones, Evie and Wyatt. We went to the park, and played with blocks, and then began.... Shaky Booty Time.

Basically the game was that I stay on my hands and knees and chase Evie around while she does laps around the living room. Everytime I "miss" catching her, she stops in the kitchen and strikes some pose, like the one below. Then she says "Shaky Boooooty Tiiime!" and turns around and shakes her booty. Hysterical. I am ordered to follow suit, and then she runs again. Every now and then she declares "Fishy Tiiiime!" and I get a water break.

At one point I was so tired I pretended to forget where my booty was, and Evie not only demonstrated it's location but encouraged me to "smash it". Love that girl.

Scott's HDMI Hobby House

Okay, so the overall goal of this whole thing is to get rid of any type of TV payment subscription. Lots of people have been asking us how we plan on doing this (Scott, really, I don't plan on doing anything). So I thought I would document his work, which is experimentation, trial and error at times. Oh, and he gets to use fun tools and the biggest drill attachment you've ever seen.

Part one consists of figuring out how to get our PS3 (which is downstairs) to work with our TV upstairs, so that we can run Netflix up there, and also Blu-Ray movies. We (Scott) plan on doing that by splitting the HDMI output of the Playstation using an HDMI splitter and run one cable to our TV downstairs and a fifty footer all the way upstairs. Remember how we weren't going to put any more work in this house? Ya. Well, that doesn't count if the work is fun, I guess.

Part two is going to be putting a TV tuner card into our server, which lives upstairs in the very tippy top of the baby's closet. It doubles as a white noise machine. Okay, so that was Scott's first plan, but now they have a separate box available that you plug the antenna into and it connects to the server over the network. But the concept is the same. The server is going to receive all the programming and push it out to the entertainment centers.

Ya, so did I mention that we have a server and a home network that connects all (five) of our computers? (which includes the server). This is what happens when you graduate from the computer science department, and the wife is more than happy to go along for the ride. We also have a family emergency 24-hour IT customer service phone center in our living room.... haha nah just kidding, although it does seem that way, and since I reap the benefits of quick and easy installs and bug fixes I am all too happy to pester Scott into helping out. He spent half an hour on the phone with my sister the other night when she caught a virus while studying at school.

The software we are going to use on the server is really meant to communicate with computers at each TV. Instead of the satellite box that we have, we would have an actual computer. But we don't want to do that, because we are trying to save money. So we will record the shows into a format that can be played by the Samsung TV and the Playstation. There's a program called Myth TV which is a free Linux program that will do that for us.

We also have an eighty inch directional antenna on top of our house. SO ugly. I had rules about where he could put it so that it would bother me the least. But we got it up there, and it picks up the big stations, mainly from Santa Barbara, and connects to our server, feeding those in.

So yesterday, Scott used a mighty, mighty drilling tool and takes like hours and hours to run the HDMI cable about twenty five percent (hahaha) from the PS3 to our room. It has to run from the attic down into Ben's room, then down from Ben's room to the PS3. Then in another step, he will run it from the attic down into our room. So far, he dropped it down into Ben's room and that took all day. He also cut a bigger hole where a speaker wire was already feeding through to the downstairs center, and fit it with a special panel so that he could use it for the future HDMI cable.

Before he even started he figured out that nothing in the walls lined up like he thought it would. He ran into about a foot and a half of solid wood that he hadn't anticipated.  Solution? More holes in the walls.

Then, While trying to run the cable from the attic into our bedroom, he runs into another issue. A very... skinny wall?

Ya. Those are matching holes on each side of the wall from where Scott was laying down up in the attic. So... this is not an easy straightforward process. So far we have the PS3, downstairs, connected up to our bedroom TV. I am about to go up there and watch some Netflix right now! I'll get back to you with the rest in another post (ahem, when he actually finishes). There are bits of attic sprinkled around (thank goodness Ben is not yet a crawler) and dust and stuff all over him and in his hair. But despite all the griping and complaining, this is what he thinks of as fun. Crazy person.

Good times.