Okay, so everything is changing at lightspeed right now. Which is ultimately okay, I am just trying to separate out what is good for our family, in regards to Scott's work, and what we just want to do (which is stay put). If I had to narrow down my goals in life to one tagline, it would be: Be Brave. I just want to be brave and have the courage to change, and live, and grow, and make the tough decisions. I want to be brave enough to choose love. I want to be strong enough to swallow my whining and do the work. I want to be brave and not run out and try to "save" other people when I am afraid. I want to be strong enough to drop the things that aren't important, or that do more harm than good. Be brave enough to make good choices, even when that is hard.
But sometimes figuring out what the right choices are is complicated, and deciding whether taking risks with Scott's job is brave or just childish is a tough one right now. It's also hard to know whether we are, in fact, taking big risks or simply doing the next right thing for us. No idea right now.
The job in San Diego is not really open yet, is what they are telling us. Scott's end date here and their start date leave a gap in the middle that needs filling. How we want to handle that is the current debate. We need to handle that gap with care, and the other people on Scott's team and their best interests are also in our hearts. We may not be able to jump on that opportunity at all, especially when you weigh it against perhaps being able to stay here (which is such a gamble), it all feels a little overwhelming.
I don't want this wavering over when we may need to relocate, or how, to stop me from changing the things I want to change. I want to move out of this house. I want to have another child. Those things are going to take huge amounts of work and stress, and I don't want this Hokey Pokey game with Scott's job to make us feel like we can't handle our life at home. Because ultimately, our family is first. So we either need to do the safe thing (which isn't our ideal choice) because it will lighten the stress on our personal life, or decide that we will take it on and be fine with whatever happens. Be brave enough to do the work (move with kids, deal with ambiguity and risk and toddlers) with the hope that we will get what we want out of it, which is to live here on the Central Coast. Or in San Diego.
Anyway, blah blah. The simple obvious truth is that I am severely tired. We will figure this out. The other update is that I am figuring out the blog and it will be up and functional with pictures, as soon as I get some time and energy back. It's in the works.
Think pretty-blog thoughts! Be back soon.