38 Weeks and Shoot Me Now

(Saturday 8/28/10)
I am writing this at ten in the morning, after being up almost the entire night with nice, strong, uncomfortable contractions. They started at 6:30. I was reading my book and Scott was watching television and I felt the normal tightening of a contraction, that held, and then slowly lowered into what felt like a pretty decent, attention-getting period cramp. I glanced at the clock, and went back to what I was doing. Another one hit at about 7:18pm, and then another at 7:40, 7:50, 8:10... they would get closer together, farther apart, closer together. Scott jumped up and quickly decided to take a look at the packing list for the hospital. He started organizing things, finishing up the laundry, packing. That really brought it home for me. We called the doctor before we went to bed around 9:30, just to let him know. He said that sounded good, just call him when they were around 5 minutes apart, with pain, for about an hour and a half. Then we went to bed around ten.

I laid there, trying to ignore the contractions for about two and a half hours before getting up and puttering around trying to distract myself. Around 1am, still feeling the regular, rolling contractions, I sent a message to my sister that she may want to think about leaving in the morning. I hated the idea of dragging her all the way up here for a false alarm, but also I wouldn't want her to miss it! And she has such a long drive, about six hours in easy traffic. Good thing its the weekend, but she has school on Monday! Now the pressure is on. I finally got tired and after feeling a good painful rhythm around 2am, I fell asleep for about an hour. When I woke up I was starving! The contractions were still going, faithfully on, but the reason I couldn't sleep was the hunger pains! I woke up Scott and he went downstairs and made me some oatmeal. I ate that, felt much better, and was able to sleep again from about 4am to 6ish. Once I woke up around six, the pain was gone! I was still feeling some tightness, and some painless, infrequent contractions, but no pain! NO!!!! I was exhausted, my sister was already two hours into her trip, and I was feeling like an utter failure. I got a call from Heather, who told me that walking really helped kick her labor back in, and that its possible for there to be breaks and slowdowns. I dragged Scott out of bed, let him eat some cereal, and we started walking. Then we got some coffee, and walked some more. Sure enough, back on the clock, with some increased discomfort.

Scott has decided that its fun to get me riled up, so he keeps making these obnoxious comments and then laughs when I am appalled. He keeps suggesting that he will just step out for a little while, to go to the golf course, just to pick something up! And then laughs at my reaction. Loads of fun.... for him. ;) Steph arrived, and I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable, but I think I still have no real concept that this is happening. We'll see....

(Sunday 8/29/10)
Steph and Kelly both got here, I was having lots of contractions, strong and good... walked all day, enjoyed their company... went to the hospital, got checked. I was at 2cm, 75% effaced and having strong contractions every seven minutes, with small ones every 2 minutes. The nurse said that the baby was really low and that this looked like early labor. I went home, walked some more and nothing happened. Went to sleep, nothing happened. During the night started feeling more trickles of fluid, but thought nothing of it. This morning I lost my mucus plug, and when I talked to my doctor, and wanted to send me into the hospital! He is concerned that my water has started to break and I haven't gone into active labor yet. So off we go! Will come back with a baby!

(Monday 8/30/10)
Oh wow, now I am starting to lose my mind. So yesterday, we get to the hospital and get checked into a room. The nurse treats me like this is all in my head, tries to explain false labor, and that I am early still, which I try to remember is understandable from where she is standing. I just want her to run the tests and call my doctor. I don't want to hear "this could be a few more weeks still". Thank you, I know. Would you like to take over for a couple of days? She inserted a Qtip (ow) and told me to cough (hilarious)... that amniotic fluid test was negative. She checks me (with difficulty) and says I am dilated only to 1cm, which makes me feel miserable but I don't say anything. She told me to get up and walk around and try to reproduce some of the wetness I had told my doctor about. Try? She said they are trying to find reasons to keep me admitted, but its so early that wouldn't I just rather go back home? I just came for an amnio test because my doctor told me to, I'm not trying to find reasons for anything.

So I am walking around, and getting increasingly anxious. All this talk has me agitated, and I feel like I have to 'perform' or like I am in control of this, begging for an early induction or something. Its making me crazy. Then I have to go to the bathroom and she hasn't returned yet, so I just go. LOTS of blood. She comes in, I report it, but she wants to see it, so I show her. She gets excited, like "great, its starting!" I'm shocked. Whats starting? I feel less activity than I did before, and up til now she's been talking to me like a child. So,  I lay down and try to de-stress. I listen to some music, talk to Kel and Steph and Scott. Just try to relax.

I get my blood drawn. She runs another amnio test, which is also negative. Then she gives me another speech about false labor, about how I shouldn't be so anxious to get labor started and being home is better anyway, and it could be a few hours or a few weeks...by the time she is done I am hormonal, frustrated, and close to tears. I know all of this, I am not the one trying to "make" labor happen... UGH. The doctor calls, and says he thinks its perfectly safe for me to go home for a few days but if I want to stay, he will make that happen, I just have to say the word. I tell him how overwhelmed and frustrated I am, but that I know thats not a good enough reason to induce labor and I wouldn't dream of it. I'm crying, just from pure emotional exhaustion. He spends a lot of time comforting me and telling me to call him whenever I want to, and then we make an appointment for the next afternoon (today). He of course knows I want to try and let labor come as naturally as possible, but wants me to know he is open to me changing my mind. Great guy, worth every penny. I get it together and go home. Kelly leaves to get back to her family, wishing me luck. Steph will be here until Tuesday.

When I got home I kept having overwhelming rushes of hormones- my skin feels like its crawling, I get chills, stomach ache, nausea, all of that. For about fifteen minutes I couldn't stop sobbing for no reason that I could see. Poor Scott, he had to take a nap after I was done crying, he hates seeing me that upset and with no way to help. We would both rather I just be having labor pains. So now its back to the doctor. I keep trying to look at Ben's little things and remember to be excited. My hormones are telling me that I will never have a baby and will just be in this miserable want-to-climb-out-through-my-eyeballs limbo forever. Its down to one minute at a time in here, and I am feeling every single minute. Sigh... patience.